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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if a high ponytail sends a message I'm unaware of?

357 replies

AuntieWithAttitude · 21/06/2024 12:19

I was watching a friend's kid after school and told her about a summer camp where I used to work. We often helped the kids put their hair in 'camper buns'—a messy bun right on top of their heads. She asked me to do it for her, but didn't like it, so we ended up with a super high ponytail instead. She loved it and had fun swishing it around.

When her mum saw it, she commented on how high it was and then lowered it.
I didn't really think too much of it, until today on TV a character wore a high ponytail, and other characters remarked on how high it was, saying things like 'erm, are you sure you want to wear your hair like that?'.

Am I missing something about the significance of high ponytails? I can be bad at this stuff, subtle cues and such, I'm wondering if I've caused offence to my friend somehow. She seemed really weird about it. Don't want to make the same mistake again if I've misunderstood the significance of something.

OP posts:
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User284732 · 23/06/2024 03:15

I'm curious how old you are OP, as high ponies were seen as chavvy and common early to late 90's, as it was a common hairstyle with scrunchies and hairspray for tracksuit wearing youths and working class adults, hence the phrase Croydon facelift and highlighted by comedy sketch shows like Little Britain's Vicky Pollard and Catherine Tate show etc. But I imagine that is quite dated now tbh, as it isn't a common hairstyle anymore. In fact, you are more likely to see a high ponytail on a middle class gym goer these days. Is there an age gap between you and your friend?

CyanideShake · 23/06/2024 03:03

I enjoy mumsnet in the main but quite frequently you're reminded that it's populated with so many sad little Hyacinth Buckets who are obsessed with the class system.

CyanideShake · 23/06/2024 03:00

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 21/06/2024 12:50

Of course they do! See how many posters think it's the style of a rough girl, I agree with them. The mum won't have thought it might give her daughter a headache, it's because she didn't want her child giving off chav vibes. It's along the same lines as little boys with number 1 cuts or patterns cut into their hair.

Show quote history

oh shush, you awful bore.

why is mumsnet full of the dullest type of snobs?

the vibes you're giving off are 'suburban mum without an original thought in her little head, who's desperate for approval'

try and be more interesting.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 22/06/2024 23:56

Those very low ponytails (tied at nape of neck) can look a bit middle aged.

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 22/06/2024 23:28

Actupfishy · 22/06/2024 22:07

The overuse of the word 'chav' in this post is revolting.

Which other word would you prefer to be used instead? The word chav describes a certain type of person that exists and that most people can instantly identify.
Calling them by another name or somehow not referring to them at all doesn't mean that they will cease to exist as a group. I'm quite old and remember a time before the word chav was in common usage, back then we used different words but everyone knew what type of people we were referring to.

Havinganamechange · 22/06/2024 23:09

wtf

wellington77 · 22/06/2024 22:18

OrwellianTimes · 22/06/2024 22:15

High ponytails were worn by “chavs” in the 90’s. If you were a goth you disapproved. But then we disapproved of anything not goth.

Edited

Yep this was what it was like at my school in the 90’s

OrwellianTimes · 22/06/2024 22:15

High ponytails were worn by “chavs” in the 90’s. If you were a goth you disapproved. But then we disapproved of anything not goth.

wellington77 · 22/06/2024 22:11

Funkyfizz · 21/06/2024 22:20

I'd associate your comment with being a bit of a twat.

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Bless you. And stand by what I said

Actupfishy · 22/06/2024 22:07

The overuse of the word 'chav' in this post is revolting.

dunkdemunder · 22/06/2024 22:05

The horribly named Croydon facelift was not specifically any height. It's just high. You can see a pastiche example shown here along with a typical one.

The social class is nothing to do with the height bitter hair and everything to do with everything else going on. Kate has one equally high as the girl in yellow. They look completely different. It's but the height if the ponytail ffs

to wonder if a high ponytail sends a message I'm unaware of?
to wonder if a high ponytail sends a message I'm unaware of?
to wonder if a high ponytail sends a message I'm unaware of?
Lexilexci · 22/06/2024 21:59

Only thing I thought of was traction alopecia. I know it’s a young child but I was brought up on the best ways of how to maintain what I was given. Didn’t always follow it to my dismay!

dunkdemunder · 22/06/2024 21:59

PinkSand · 22/06/2024 21:14

Another middle class thread sneering and looking down their noses. The only time middle class people have an opinion.

Not all middle class. Just desperate middle class. The sort of middle class who suffers with not feeling sufficiently high on the social ladder so they desperately try to create rules that make them feel superior.

Sadly for them the world is much more global and their parochial little views now just look dated and just that, parochial.

A lot of middle class British are very ordinary on a global scale. You don't tend to find wealthy middle class behaving like this. Only struggling middle class. Because they feel their position has slipped away from them.

Winnie27101981 · 22/06/2024 21:51

35degrees · 21/06/2024 12:20

TV a character wore a high ponytail, and other characters remarked on how high it was, saying things like 'erm, are you sure you want to wear your hair like that?'.

Was it Greys Anatomy?

That’s what I thought when I read it! Gotta love Meredith’s high pony!

PinkSand · 22/06/2024 21:14

Another middle class thread sneering and looking down their noses. The only time middle class people have an opinion.

Maternityleavelady · 22/06/2024 20:25

At my daughter’s (private) school, hair must be worn up but below the height of their ears 🙄 Makes it quite difficult to get young girls’ hair off their face - I have to use multiple clips to compensate for the low ponytail!

CyanideShake · 22/06/2024 20:17

who will be the 704th person to say 'croydon facelift'?

Coco1379 · 22/06/2024 20:15

orpmoa · 21/06/2024 12:25

I see what you mean here. I think if it's scraped back very tight it can look harsh and a bit rough, agreed.

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I heard it was called the ’Croydon Facelift’

fetchacloth · 22/06/2024 20:03

orpmoa · 21/06/2024 12:25

I see what you mean here. I think if it's scraped back very tight it can look harsh and a bit rough, agreed.

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Otherwise known as the Croydon Facelift.
Not attractive.

MiniPumpkin · 22/06/2024 20:02

I have no idea of anything negative related to high ponytail. It’s a favourite hairstyle of mine and will continue to wear them regardless of anyone’s views 💁‍♀️ do what makes you happy

MamaLazerou · 22/06/2024 19:55

I have really fine, thin hair as does my daughter and the in laws (thick and curly!) wouldn’t listen and just didn’t understand that putting her hair in a tight style- high up pony, tight french plait or similar would cause her to lose great big chunks of it. “But it looks so cute” was all they would say despite the fact that the hair took forever to grow back! Maybe your friends daughter has similar hair…?

NotAJammyDodger · 22/06/2024 19:53

Ok If you are not older than 25yrs.
was called the Croydon facelift cos 40 year olds with scraped back hair pulling their skin tight not a great look.

gingersnapdrop · 22/06/2024 19:50

There was a woman who was easygoing and wore her hair down and little makeup at work. One day she showed up looking completely transformed. Her hair was in a high ponytail and she had on fake lashes and to a certain person gave long lingering looks. I thought she wanted to be seen as sexy or available but obviously I was not in her head. That’s the first thing that came to my mind when I read your post. Maybe the mom sees it as too “sexy” or grown up of a style.

nuttymut · 22/06/2024 19:32

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/06/2024 12:54

The England football team wear them (women’s team) and I don’t see them having a problem with it!

This

ShinyPebble32 · 22/06/2024 18:42

Has everyone missed the part where you’re providing free childcare for your friend and she’s acting offended about a hairstyle? Tell her to naff off.