Is there a polite way to never go to team socials?

i have never in 22 years ever gone on a team social night out.. i am very honest with my team.

sadly due to previous DV i cannot be in a room full of drunk people, espeically drunk men.. my anxiety would be on high alert and its less stressful to simply not go.

they all understand and have no isses

I don't go to many work social stuff.

My time out of work is precious and have other commitments out side work.

As I've got older I am much more choosy about what stuff I go to. I don't go to anything I really don't want to.

Don't lie, don't make excuses and just be honest. "Thanks so much for inviting me. I won't be joining you, but I hope you all have a great time". That's it.

I suppose it depends on where you work, I know at my work this wouldn't be a problem. I like work socials and go to them if I can, but there's a couple of team members who always say no thanks. That's no problem at all. It's just not their thing and that's fine, no one is offended at all.

I do understand that work socials can be draining and a bit of a pain in the arse.

But I also think saying you never want to go to any ever under any circumstances is a bit precious. I also think the benefit of just swallowing it and going to one with good grace (even if just for an hour or so) will far exceed your satisfaction at having got out of it. You will generate goodwill which will really help you.

The reality is that work has a social component and every now and then you have to show willing. Just basic courtesy.

Its one thing to not like them: a lot of us don’t like them. But insisting you are so special you should never be expected to go sends a signal to them that you think you deserve special treatment. It’s not worth it.

You don’t have the go every time. One out of every five or six will go a long way.

This. I love team bonding stuff and would hate to think that anyone was there against their will.

The more complicated thing is if the others become closer and you start to feel a bit left out of things. Easily happens if they are spending much time outside work.

I just say ‘no thanks’, leave it at that. Life’s short, don’t waste time with people unless you’re actually interested in spending time with them.

I just say something in a "jokey" way like "god no thanks I spend enough time with you lot!" And leave it there

When I worked in an office as part of a team I turned down a few after works drinks and meals, I had to collect my children and wanted to go home and have some family time.
My team leader called me into the office one day and said if I wanted to be part of the team I had to act like it.
I decided it wasn't for me then, my job is to earn money and my time is family time.

You can refuse - but they will know you aren't bothered enough to spend any of your outside work time with. There's no way to avoid that really.
It hopefully won't matter if you are otherwise a good team member in work. I quite like socialising with work freinds and would rather than anyone there wanted to be there rather than was forced to be.

I don't go to social events because my colleagues aren't my friends and these events are not part of my duties that I'm being paid to carry out. I politely decline but don't give a reason.

This is what I had to say about department socials. I absolutely hated them. Great people to work with but noooooo, not to socialise with. I was honest and actually there were others who took my queue and stopped going too.

We do Team socials and it's always the same people who don't go, it's not like they even have to pay. I just find it sad that they aren't willing to even try and be part of the team or build that connection. It's not about having friends away from work, I do too, it's about building relationships with your colleagues.

Team socials are a good way to help a team bond and get to know each other away from the office/meetings. Depending what you do you also find out how competitive or much of a sore loser they are 😂.

There is a difference between can’t and won’t.

Would you attend events with the team that are during work hours I.e. pub lunch at a venue nearby? Is it just evenings that you don’t want to do? I think the only chance you’ve got is to be completely honest with them and just own it. And equally accept the fact that you will most likely alienate people. You just have to decide for yourself if it’s worth it.

I don't think that's true. You could say people who choose not to go to work events are othered, no-one would bat an eyelid if the OP had caring responsibilities and couldn't go.

OP, if you can't think of a plausible excuse and you just don't want to go for whatever reason, just be honest, but be prepared for them to be (rightly or wrongly) offended as it will be clear that you just don't want to spend time with them. I do not love those types of events myself either, but sometimes you have to just go - the short-term pain will have long-term benefits like a more cohesive team, a friendlier atmosphere etc. And if you go along to say one in every four, how many times a year would that be - probably not many :)

This thread is the perfect example of how people who cannot attend events outside of work are othered.

You didn't provide a reason for not wanting to go so I can only assume this is exactly how you feel - they are not worth your time. In which case there is no point trying to hide it, is there?

It would be bad not to go to any. Also depends on how often they are. If it’s every month - I ‘d go to every third or fourth one. If it was twice a year I’d do both.

We had a colleague who never attended team events. It definitely drew a spotlight on him - it was talked about and also not liked by the managers.

I'd rather turn up for an hour than risk alienating the team.

I feel exactly the same way as you OP but alas I don’t think there’s a polite way of saying you never ever want to see your team socially.

You'll have to either tell them work socials just aren’t your thing and stomach a bit of social disapproval and people taking offence. Or go along to every other event and make last minute excuses for the ones in between to show willing but at least reduce them a bit.

I think you probably do need to go occasionally if you want to be a full part of the team/do well at work.

What's the reason you don't want to go? Could just telling the truth because the answer?

You can say you don't really fancy it and that's a legitimate approach to take. But I think what you're really asking is is it possible to be the only person on a team who never does any social stuff out of the office without that having an impact on your social relationships inside the office, and the answer to that is almost certainly no.

Why don’t you want to ? The answer to that question is what you say to them. I tell people I really struggle in social situations and prefer not to go, and then don’t go. Just nice, easy honesty.

This is good.