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AIBU?

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Date wanted me to buy her coke

155 replies

MixtapeEssential · 21/06/2024 09:04

I went on a second date with a woman, the first date had been good, no issues at all.

We arranged to go for a drink, she insisted on buying me a beer since I had picked up the the tab on our first date.

All was going well, we had a couple of afternoon drinks and strolled around chatting. After a little while, my date said she was hungry and shall we stop for something to eat. I told her I didn’t want to spoil my dinner but was happy to order a little starter and sit with her while she ate.

She picked a very smart place. While we were were waiting for our table, she told me she didn’t have any money but was it alright to sit and eat at the window table. I was a little suprised and put on the spot. I may have been alright with that at one point in time, but I was currently short on funds myself.

I told her quietly and discreetly let’s go for a walk, and explained that I had dinner waiting for me and preferred to eat there due to being short on funds, but that I knew a very good quality tasty food truck close by where she could pick up something. She declined.

We continued chatting nicely and strolling for a few minutes, at which point she sat down on a bench and asked me if I wanted to do some “gear”. I told her I wasn’t into that but she was welcome to if she really felt like it.
She got her phone out and began texting her “connection”, asking if that was alright. I told her sure, but I thought she didn’t have any money. She quietly put her phone away looking disappointed.

At this point I just wanted to go home, and told her so, she appeared very excited and said she wanted to come with me, I told her that wasn’t possible.

On the way to the station, we passed a really buzzing place and she wanted to go in for a quick drink.
Being thirsty myself at this point, I agreed, we waited at the door to be let in, at which point, she again said, but I have no money.

I hugged her goodbye and left.

Was I being unreasonable? Is this all quite common now? I have been out of the dating game for a while.

She was otherwise very nice, very attractive, and didn’t look like a drug addict at all, I know that lots of people use coke recreationally without being addicts.

OP posts:
Buttermilky · 21/06/2024 10:13

It wasn’t clear initially but yeah I think that poster wasn’t being serious and I bets their initial response will be used as “proof” by someone that people answer differently based on gender, when actually everyone would agree Op wasn’t BU regardless 🙄

Op., you’re well rid of this woman and sounds like she was running some kind of scam. I’m very anti-drugs so if someone mentioned coke I’d have grabbed my stuff and left immediately.

ahagiraffe · 21/06/2024 10:10

Sounds like you acted pretty sensibly- she may well have robbed you if you'd gone back to the hotel. I'd just write this one off as a bad experience.

MixtapeEssential · 21/06/2024 10:09

Octaviaaa · 21/06/2024 09:54

I'm wondering if she was an escort operating on a dating app and was hoping that you would buy her drugs and pay for sex?

She was very attractive, but as far as I know, women don’t commonly pay for sex, not even gay women. The likelihood of that happening without open agreement must be miniscule.

Why not just date men in that case if all she wants is a free lunch and a bigger possibility of paid for sex.

I did have the sense she could very well be bisexual.

OP posts:
SerenityNowInsanityLater · 21/06/2024 10:08

The world abounds in cons. It is so demoralising. And in an instant, just a day out with one dodgy fucker, you can lose your trust in people for years. Hope you're ok, OP. Be careful out there. Maybe take a breather from dating apps and just regroup. It's a bit of a headfuck of a date. Personally, if you want my honest opinion, I've been living in the UK for 30 years and I'm 52 now. I have come to the conclusion that the majority of the population fucks around with coke and the rest. I feel like most people I deal with are deceptive, overgrown Artful Dodgers without the cuteness and the musical numbers.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 21/06/2024 10:08

Sillystrumpet · 21/06/2024 10:02

Is this sarcasm? I can only assume it is?

I don't know what it is but on a thread the other week about whether the guy should always pay on a date, there was a (different) poster who kept banging this sort of message out all the way through, as though they 100% believed it meant women should never pay.

Bizarre.

AdoraBell · 21/06/2024 10:06

Absolutely not unreasonable of you. I would run a mile from this situation.

paasll · 21/06/2024 10:04

She's just scummy. What stopped you just walking off when she said she was going to text a drug dealer? Why did you engage any further with her?

MixtapeEssential · 21/06/2024 10:03

Saschka · 21/06/2024 09:52

Also: she lives an hour away but has a dealer in your town as well as in her own? Dodgy dodgy dodgy

She said she used to live in my town years ago, she did seem to know it like the back of her hand.

OP posts:
Sillystrumpet · 21/06/2024 10:02

Mayorq · 21/06/2024 10:00

Yeah. No gender pay gap, no assumed misogyny to make reparations for, similar expected outlay on appearance/gym/ maintenance, no expectation that one party will halt their career should the relationship become serious, no need for either to impress the other by paying at the start of a relationship, women spiritually and emotionally can not be tight and a woman not paying her way or only paying her way but not covering her dates costs is not an indication of tightness/meanness in the same way it would be for a man.

Edited

Is this sarcasm? I can only assume it is?

Mayorq · 21/06/2024 10:02

TheStateOfTheArt · 21/06/2024 09:58

Just curious as to why the OP being female changes your vote? Genuine polite question not being goady.

No need to be polite tbf.

I was being sarcastic/goady/a twat (depending on your POV) for a bit of divilment

Sillystrumpet · 21/06/2024 10:01

Mayorq · 21/06/2024 09:53

Sorry just saw your a woman and not a man, would like to change my vote to yanbu.

What?? What difference does gender make?

Mayorq · 21/06/2024 10:00

RobertaFirmino · 21/06/2024 09:56

So it's ok for a woman to do this to a man but not to another woman?

Yeah. No gender pay gap, no assumed misogyny to make reparations for, similar expected outlay on appearance/gym/ maintenance, no expectation that one party will halt their career should the relationship become serious, no need for either to impress the other by paying at the start of a relationship, women spiritually and emotionally can not be tight and a woman not paying her way or only paying her way but not covering her dates costs is not an indication of tightness/meanness in the same way it would be for a man.

Choochoo21 · 21/06/2024 09:59

Saschka · 21/06/2024 09:52

Also: she lives an hour away but has a dealer in your town as well as in her own? Dodgy dodgy dodgy

Good point!!

TheStateOfTheArt · 21/06/2024 09:58

Mayorq · 21/06/2024 09:53

Sorry just saw your a woman and not a man, would like to change my vote to yanbu.

Just curious as to why the OP being female changes your vote? Genuine polite question not being goady.

Choochoo21 · 21/06/2024 09:58

Mayorq · 21/06/2024 09:53

Sorry just saw your a woman and not a man, would like to change my vote to yanbu.

This is typical mumsnet where posters base their replies/opinions based solely on the sex of the poster.

How can an OP get unbiased opinions if posters completely change their minds based on the sex of the person.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 21/06/2024 09:58

RobertaFirmino · 21/06/2024 09:56

So it's ok for a woman to do this to a man but not to another woman?

Yes weird post.

Even weirder that it's their first post on this thread, as far as I can see Confused

BustyLaRoux · 21/06/2024 09:58

Choochoo21 · 21/06/2024 09:56

There are many of these on the dating sites.

They get a free meal and drugs - it’s a great day for them.

Usually these women target men, hoping that they’ll get sex by the end of it.

It’s literally like prostitution but they’re not having to exchange sexual acts for money, they can just exchange their time for money/drugs.

I’m sorry this was your experience but I’m glad you had it as it will make you more aware now.

Yikes! Is this a thing? God I feel grateful to be too old for all of this!!!!

Choochoo21 · 21/06/2024 09:56

There are many of these on the dating sites.

They get a free meal and drugs - it’s a great day for them.

Usually these women target men, hoping that they’ll get sex by the end of it.

It’s literally like prostitution but they’re not having to exchange sexual acts for money, they can just exchange their time for money/drugs.

I’m sorry this was your experience but I’m glad you had it as it will make you more aware now.

RobertaFirmino · 21/06/2024 09:56

Mayorq · 21/06/2024 09:53

Sorry just saw your a woman and not a man, would like to change my vote to yanbu.

So it's ok for a woman to do this to a man but not to another woman?

BustyLaRoux · 21/06/2024 09:55

Whilst someone using a bit of recreationals now and again wouldn’t bother me personally, her attitude seriously would! Just expecting you to pay for everything, including her coke (!!!) is a serious WTAF??! She honestly sounds very odd. Lots of people dabble without being weird like this. As I say, the dabbling wouldn’t bother me as long as it was only dabbling, but the expectation that you were going to pay for it and her drinks and food is absolutely mental! Dodged a bullet indeed!!!

Octaviaaa · 21/06/2024 09:54

I'm wondering if she was an escort operating on a dating app and was hoping that you would buy her drugs and pay for sex?

Mayorq · 21/06/2024 09:53

Sorry just saw your a woman and not a man, would like to change my vote to yanbu.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 21/06/2024 09:52

Was I being unreasonable? Is this all quite common now?

I don't know whether to 🤣 or 🙄 at this question.

Saschka · 21/06/2024 09:52

Also: she lives an hour away but has a dealer in your town as well as in her own? Dodgy dodgy dodgy

WaltzingWaters · 21/06/2024 09:51

No, you were very right to leave. I’d block her number now.