To hate icebreakers

I don't think issues like this are solved by keeping personal lives out of the workplace. I think they're hidden, but continue to cause a problem.

I see what you mean. I would argue that if someone who potters is not seen a leadership material then that is a huge cultural issue, but that's just semantics really.

I don't mean if they "don't fit" or there's a "cultural issue". I mean unconscious bias around slotting people into ideal and non-ideal worker/leader stereotypes. For example, a woman saying that her ideal day is "knitting and pottering around in the garden" might be unconsciously judged as less leadership material-y than a man who talks about more masculine hobbies. It's not about cultural issues or not fitting but old fashioned unconscious bias and the risks of that which come with sharing personal information.
My point is that this situation wouldn't have arisen if personal lives and hobbies were kept out of the workplace.

I would add that I work a lot with startups and those who don't roll their eyes/drag their heels are usually the ones with the right energy to make a startup work. That requires a particular set of attributes and skills that tend to be different to usual work environments though

Thanks. Yes I’m much better about that sort of thing, especially since I had dc. I think some of it never really goes away though deep down.

Not really. In the kind of forced situations where you have to introduce yourself and then answer one of these icebreaker type questions, I think it’s more like stage fright for me. I don’t get that in normal conversation.

I'm not involved in recruitment directly but I do support companies when they're expanding and bringing on new roles. Bias around background etc is definitely a huge problem and I try to help companies overcome that. What I'm talking about is a bit different - what the person actually says in these icebreakers is one thing - it could cause an issue if they don't 'fit' or if there's a cultural problem in the company. Besides that though, when people are looking for talent they are often looking for people who don't drag their heels, who are able to think quickly and adapt. If someone refuses to participate in something (regardless of the value or content of the task itself) IME it sends a very strong negative message wrt progression. That might not be an issue - the person might be perfectly happy where they are and have no interest whatsoever in moving up. Where it is an issue is when someone feels they're doing a great job but they keep getting overlooked and they don't realise that it's these small behaviours that can be standing in their way.

I was brought up never to appear "forward" or "bold" or promote myself in any shape or form so I am crap at interviews.

Icebreakers honestly would bring me out in a cold sweat. I don't think making people feel uncomfortable adds anything to a meeting or course.

Well, I love an ice breaker. I think they're fun and I love learning about people's non-work side.

I respect your opinion if you don't, this is just my view.

Surely you’d just say ‘Hi, I’m xx, what’s your name?” ??

I wouldn’t remember anyone’s name from a morning session anyway!

The most effective ‘getting to know you’ as far as I’m concerned, is the when you’re getting a coffee, mingling and chatting to people informally before the course starts and at break times. Much more natural. The ‘icebreaker’ nonsense sitting in the course room annoys me immensely.

This is where 'bring your whole self to work' becomes difficult.
Some people are only too keen to tell you all about their weird hobbies/risqué experiences/'controversial' beliefs and others want to just go to work and go home again.
I remember having my US boss 'encourage' me to tell everyone (room of 50+ professionals) that I couldn't drive.... how strange/unusual! What a talking point! [Actually I was too poor to learn, then too time poor to learn and now I have massive anxiety about it]
Just awful. I feel sick even typing it out.

You have my sympathies OP. Name/job title/bit about your role should be fine. Then something not-personal and work-related to discuss.

I was doing some training at work and the session was specifically about using things like games and icebreakers in lessons. I walked in and saw tables set up with balls and dice and games and groaned out loud. The leader of the course laughed and said it’s literally split 50/50 between people who groan as they come in and people who say “yay!”. So there must be people who not only don’t hate these things, but actively enjoy them. Also made me feel better about being a massive curmudgeon. I’m actually outgoing as hell with friends and family but I’m at work to get paid.

Refusing to do a presentation - or anything else that might be part of your actual job role - isn't remotely on a par with reusing to divulge personal information about yourself.

You seem to be involved in recruitment. Surely you can see how divulging personal details like family, hobbies, preferences has been, and probably still is, a risk for people in the past in terms of promotion or progression because of conscious and unconscious bias?

I always speak up now whenever anyone suggests an ice breaker, no one likes them and they have been done to death.

If I'm on a course and the facilitator introduces one , I groan loudly.

@NoCoordination sorry to hear about your bullying.
This is the thing I have learned as I have got older though - be proud of who you are, what you like and enjoy doing. If someone else doesn't like that - then F them.
It's a shame it takes many people so long to realise this.
You are you 💐

@NoCoordination surely any time you meet somebody new and a question is asked you are being "put on the spot" ?

I’m not a particularly private person but I hate being put on the spot. I was bullied as a kid and a lot of bullying in school seems to revolve around what you like or don’t like eg. not liking the right music/ wearing the right clothes etc so that might be a part of it on a subconscious level. I really don’t know why I hate it so much but apparently lots of people do so it must just be one of those things 🤷‍♀️

I wonder how on earth do people make friends or find partners/spouses if everyone keeps their private life private?

I think there’s a difference between sharing that information naturally as part of a normal conversation and being put on the spot though.

@Callipygion you'll still be getting paid though if it's a work thing.
If someone wants to pay me to say "my favourite biscuit is choc digestives, I like Lego and I can't catch so no one throw the ball at me" - then it's no biggie to me.
I wonder how on earth do people make friends or find partners/spouses if everyone keeps their private life private?

I hate icebreakers.
However, I did a course last week - with people from all sorts if different companies - and there was no form of introductions or icebreakers.
Uncomfortable as some icebreakers make me, actually not even knowing the name of the bloke i was paired up with after lunch wasn't ideal either.
So, I'm torn!

I definitely think some companies want that - and it's worth finding that out sooner rather than later. However, I've seen people who love their job and are very good at it fail to progress because of more incidental behaviours like refusing to participate/refusing to do a presentation etc. because they are strong signals of an inability to just adapt to a situation and get on with it, even if it's not ideal.

It’s the same thing isn’t it! Companies want people who will bend at will.

Refusal to participate can be a strong signal that someone isn't receptive to bullshit.

There's a difference between 'icebreakers' and 'shit questions'.

I do a lot of training and group facilitation, and on a psychological basis in groups it really is important to get people talking and engaging as soon as possible – for lots of reasons.

But that doesn't mean 'what's your favourite biscuit' or 'tell us something weird about you' is the way to do it.

I think a lot of the hatred people have for icebreakers is more about unskilled facilitators leaning on badly-thought-out experiences for people, more than the actual tool.