What think you?

His offer is a bonus to you and quite generous after just 6 months. You would need your own solicitor to make sure it’s watertight from your perspective.

But you don’t have to accept it, you can stay safely in your HA if that feels more secure.
Or you could accept his offer and still work your way up in your career towards a more a secure future for yourself as well.

Rely on yourself, is always my advice. (But don’t reject his idea for your future if it feels right because you can still rely on yourself at the same time)

6 months into relationship is not long enough to give up security.

If relationship works out and lasts then the arrangement if he dies is very fair. But the bigger worry is what you would do if you split.

Spend more time at his if you like, but keep your own rental.

My mum had this type of arrangement, it was put in place years before her husband died. In the event, her husband's son, who she had previously had a good relationship with, became more and more bullying and made it unbearable for her to stay, what was written in the will turned out to be useless to her. She lived in a small community where the husband's family was very powerful, she was effectively shunned by the whole community.

This is exactly the set up that DP and I have (not married but we own a property together. When one of us dies, the other can stay on the property until they die, and then the property will be split between our kids (not joint).

There’s nothing ‘ironic’ about the fact that you don’t have any property or savings, and your possible future husband and his son do. You say yourself that you made poor choices and poor previous relationship decisions which contributed to this situation. Your boyfriend is simply making sure that he’s not ‘making a poor relationship decision’ by securing his son’s inheritance. You’ve known this guy six months! It’s not his job to repair your previous bad luck/poor choices.

His proposition gives you a free place to live for life and an income via his pension. If that were successfully contested by his son (and I have no idea what grounds there would need to be), you would presumably be back in the situation you are in now, renting and either working or on a state/private pension for an income. At 54, you still have plenty of working years to build up savings, or pay into a pension.

On the other this arrangement which would involve him drafting details, solicitors andy signing stuff leaves me cold. Not to mention not feeling romantic

I would have a different perspective. By involving lawyers, he’d be protecting you. And involving lawyers is the most romantic and caring thing he could do. It is absolutely incredibly romantic and loving if he drew up his will giving you a life interest in his house and half his pension.

How can you not see this?

A woman that I know has this and it’s incredibly frustrating to his heirs not to be able to sell the house (he’s already passed away now) but there’s nothing they can do. Even if your chap’s ex contested, which is unlikely as she’s the ex and even if the son contested, which is unlikely if he has his own home, and as long as your chap is of sound mind, there’d be little grounds to contest.

His suggestions are all incredibly in your favour given your circumstances (particularly offering this on the back of a relatively new relationship!) and presuming that you love him, your hesitation is quite hard to fathom. And your work colleague is a dick. You wouldn’t be house sitting fgs, you’d have a life interest in the house.

God, stay there! You'd be mad to give up a housing association property.

My dad put the same arrangement in his will for his wife, I don’t think it’s uncommon when you have adult children. He worked to buy his house, his second wife didn’t contribute to the house as he had already bought it.

I like that this man is being upfront with you now, he sounds mature. He wants you to have housing for life. But also recognises that your lack of assets is your own responsibility

Im not in a private rental Biscuits. I'm ina housing association

So stay there then. Are you literally saying you think everything he owns should go to you, house, pension, money etc and nothing at all should go to his son?

But your landlord could sell up any time they want- why do you assume you are safe now but wont be if you move in with him?

Ironically I'm in a more vulnerable position than chap or chaps son. In that having no assets or even savings if he decides to chuck me or if son contests stuff on his demise, I'll be homeless given the state of the rental market

So then dont move in. You cant blackmail him into handing everything over to you.

How would you feel if you had assets and your daughter got nothing after you died?

You are being really unreasonable here- your finances are not his responsibility- especially not after just 6 months 🙄

I think thats fine. He is providing for his son. Hes being open about it from the start

You've made poor choices, you can't expect others to pick up the pieces of that.

Just stay in your own rental and keep your own security instead of relying on someone else.

But that's your problem, not his. It's not anyone else's responsibility to support you financially. I'm not a homeowner either but I wouldn't expect a man to leave his assets to me when I did nothing to earn them.

So stay living in your rental and don't move in with him?

Would you be better off financially if you did move in with him, would he want you to pay rent? would it be less than your current rent and allow you to start a savings pot for emergencies?

Renting isn't safe, your landlord could decide to sell up and hoof you out at any point also. Your chap is being very generous with his offer, especially after only months of dating. You surely cannot be complaining he will leave his house to his son and not you whilst still offering to allow you to live there until death AND have his pension?

If you want to protect yourself in case everything goes pearshaped, which is a sensible thing to do, I'd save an equivalent amount each month to what you pay in rent now.

At the very least that should enable you to pay a year's rent upfront to get another place if you ever needed to.

That's on the assumption you won't be paying him rent?

"A male colleague said it was cheeky and that I was just going to be a house sitter."

He's right really, but not in the way he meant it! If your very generous chap died early in the marriage and you sat in the house until you were maybe 90 just because you could, leaving the adult son to have to deal with the house when he is potentially elderly himself, that would be cheeky! Would you be able to afford to maintain and repair the house from the spouse pension? Usually they are quite small compared to the original pension.

I had a relationship with a woman I couldn't have been any more in love with, and when we were discussing her moving into my house I still proposed that if I died she'd have two years living in my house before it was to be sold so my kids could inherit. If we'd lived together a few years I would have increased the time she had living here. Fair enough she had very extensive assets of her own so she didn't need housing 'protection', but if she'd been without assets it still wouldn't have been my responsibility to provide her with my assets at the expense of my children.

If anything I would say your chap is being extremely generous.

She sounds well looked after! No mortgage or rent to pay, income from pension after his death.

Why do you think you should inherit the house rather than his son?

You've known this person 6 months! Are you just in this relationship to see what assets you can aquire? If so leave this poor man alone.

This.