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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

441 replies

CrossingBoundaries007 · 21/06/2024 04:52

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

OP posts:
gardenmusic · 21/06/2024 17:26

It really is time to say goodbye to this one, and mean it.

Jeschara · 21/06/2024 17:24

OP, your partner has shown you what he is like so believe him. He had a go at you for asking him to pay back money you lent him, calling you unsupportive yet pays for his kid to go to private school.

He also wants to go on your car insurance because he is a careless and bad driver with 12 points. No, just no.

CrossingBoundaries007 · 21/06/2024 17:22

Ejvd · 21/06/2024 17:07

Why should you work to pay his insurance while his ex wife doesn't have to work? If you pay this, then you are funding her "lady of leisure" lifestyle (its certainly leisurely compared to a working single mum).

She's started working now, she started working after they split up. It was while they were together she was a "kept woman" most the time anyway.

OP posts:
Feelsodrained · 21/06/2024 17:09

CrossingBoundaries007 · 21/06/2024 17:05

Absolutely! I'm saying no, I just realised that these were the reasons I wanted to end it because I can't tell him the truth about my thoughts around some of his decisions. I have all these things in my head I can't say cos I don't want to hurt him.

BTW When he mentioned it the insurance thing I just went silent. Perhaps I was in shock at the way he put it to me.

"If you really want to offer practical help, you should add my car to your insurance rather than telling me to contact CAB or any other agency that can't do anything"

If you really want to get help for your self-inflicted shitty situation, maybe learn to read speed limit signs and stop spunking thousands up the wall on school fees for your son that you can’t afford. Enjoy getting the bus for the next six months and don’t call me again please.

Ejvd · 21/06/2024 17:07

Why should you work to pay his insurance while his ex wife doesn't have to work? If you pay this, then you are funding her "lady of leisure" lifestyle (its certainly leisurely compared to a working single mum).

CrossingBoundaries007 · 21/06/2024 17:05

gardenmusic · 21/06/2024 16:59

CrossingBoundaries007,
Do you feel able to refuse him?

Absolutely! I'm saying no, I just realised that these were the reasons I wanted to end it because I can't tell him the truth about my thoughts around some of his decisions. I have all these things in my head I can't say cos I don't want to hurt him.

BTW When he mentioned it the insurance thing I just went silent. Perhaps I was in shock at the way he put it to me.

"If you really want to offer practical help, you should add my car to your insurance rather than telling me to contact CAB or any other agency that can't do anything"

OP posts:
gardenmusic · 21/06/2024 16:59

CrossingBoundaries007,
Do you feel able to refuse him?

tara66 · 21/06/2024 16:43

20% extra on private school fees for Labour's VAT tax added probably very soon.

AffIt · 21/06/2024 16:29

Glittertwins · 21/06/2024 15:17

@AffIt - there are catchment areas for grammar where we are in England. We were inside catchment at the time 11 plus was done / passed but the areas were redrawn in favour of those who lived inside that county and we were a couple of miles the other of the county boundary.
Either way, the OP's "partner" needs to be binned and blocked'

Thanks for explaining, @Glittertwins. 😀

And agree the 'partner' needs binned.

Shade17 · 21/06/2024 16:11

Wouldn't you have to change all the V5 to you being the owner if he wants you to put the insurance in your name?

V5C has nothing to do with ownership though.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/06/2024 16:05

PrincessTeaSet · 21/06/2024 16:00

There are something like 30,000 people with 12 points and not banned. If you go to court and say you need to drive to earn a living they let you keep your licence. No wonder there are so many deaths on our roads

Worrying isn't it?

Obviously there are unusual cases where exceptions make sense, but 30,000???

Feelsodrained · 21/06/2024 16:03

PrincessTeaSet · 21/06/2024 16:00

There are something like 30,000 people with 12 points and not banned. If you go to court and say you need to drive to earn a living they let you keep your licence. No wonder there are so many deaths on our roads

Yeah to be fair they do tend to be lenient on sob stories. But according to the rules needing your car for work is not exceptional hardship and millions of us need our car for work? It’s not like he has to drive around a disabled child or something like that. So according to the rules he should still have to do the ban and hopefully he will get a strict magistrate. Clearly a nasty piece of work who thinks rules don’t apply to him.

Crumpleton · 21/06/2024 16:02

That's his choice to send his DC to a private school, and who knows when the time comes despite what he says he may want to give his other DC the same but with paying his Ex's full rent he obviously hasnt got the money in his budget so not at all feasible to continue long term.

He's pretty much asking you to sub his, his Ex wife and their DC's lifestyle.

Wouldn't you have to change all the V5 to you being the owner if he wants you to put the insurance in your name?

Or maybe that'll be to much faff and he knows this so will suggest you hand over the money to pay it and keep the car in his name.

PrincessTeaSet · 21/06/2024 16:00

Needanewname42 · 21/06/2024 05:47

12 points I thought that was an automatic ban?
But no you don't want to be tied in any way to this guy. You put his car on your insurance what happens if he stops paying you for it? You'd be liable for his debt. It might not be as easy as cancelling the policy.

Here is a reason why he's split from his wife. Financially irresponsible, drives far too fast, what are his redeeming qualities?

There are something like 30,000 people with 12 points and not banned. If you go to court and say you need to drive to earn a living they let you keep your licence. No wonder there are so many deaths on our roads

NasiDagang · 21/06/2024 15:25

RampantIvy · 21/06/2024 13:52

Every day is a school day 😁

You are right, I'm learning new things on Mumsnet everyday.

LlynTegid · 21/06/2024 15:21

I am saddened to read that the OP has lost a sense of perspective or has low self esteem.

No one with 12 points for speeding is kind. Think of the low chance of being caught and so how many times he has endangered his life and others.

Glittertwins · 21/06/2024 15:17

@AffIt - there are catchment areas for grammar where we are in England. We were inside catchment at the time 11 plus was done / passed but the areas were redrawn in favour of those who lived inside that county and we were a couple of miles the other of the county boundary.
Either way, the OP's "partner" needs to be binned and blocked'

Needanewname42 · 21/06/2024 14:57

CrossingBoundaries007 · 21/06/2024 12:44

Very true! One of those times when I lent him money and reminded him I needed it after the time he had promised to pay it back had passed he said all manner of things to me and I was furious but forgave him.

Are you mad??

You had to fight to get money out him before. You'll end up paying for all his insurance while he swans off.

Op this guy will bleed you dry and let you bank roll him if you let him.
Meanwhile he's acting the big man paying school fees and rent for his ex.

Plenty more fish in the sea!

LifeExperience · 21/06/2024 14:38

Goodness, OP, this man is a selfish, self-serving, verbally abusive disaster.

Lose the wannabe cocklodger soonest. And then block him, forever.

AffIt · 21/06/2024 14:19

A huge amount of this sounds like absolute bollocks, TBH.

I don't have kids and I'm in Scotland, rather than England, but I don't think grammar schools have catchment areas (rather 'you get on, the onus is on you to get there') and surely schools - especially private schools - require buy-in from both parents or the primary carer, at least?

And surely most people - especially those who pay rent for ex-partners and send their kids to private school - pay their insurance up front, because it's cheaper overall?

I think this fella is spinning you a load of absolute horseshit, OP.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/06/2024 14:17

"I just felt that he could see how I managed my finances even though I earn way less and learn from it."

What he's learned is that you are a handy resource with a bit of sweet talking that costs him nothing.

You are a single parent... every penny you spend on him or lend him, is taking away from your child and your future financial security.

RUN

GirlOfThe70s · 21/06/2024 14:15

I agree with another poster - I think 12 points is an automatic ban. So, should he actually be driving at all?
Don't take on the insurance in your name, it's fraud and you'd be caught up in all sorts of problems.

velveteens · 21/06/2024 14:03

You really shouldn't need to ask this! Why on earth do you keep taking him back?!! You lent him money and he insulted you when you reminded him he owed it?!

He is using you for money and free food/care/sex and you are letting him!

Raise your bar, seriously.

Dibble135 · 21/06/2024 13:59

As you do not own the car I don’t think you can insure it anyways. I think you have to have an insurable interest or something.

If it helps with the AIBU question, I’ve been married nearly 10 years and my hubby and I have separate policies for our own vehicles.

Given I have 6 points, I’m no longer on husbands as his premium would have increased. Not fair for him to pay more because of my speeding…

TomatoSandwiches · 21/06/2024 13:57

murasaki · 21/06/2024 13:40

Apparently purse is a metaphor for vagina, dating back to the 17th century.

You need to deny him access to all of your purses.

Brilliant 😂😂😂