Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

Sounds sensible OP. I would be sympathetic but firm with him and say that you need to step away for the sake of you and your DC. That you have given all advice you can and cant do more than that. That you really don’t appreciate the extreme emotional manipulation he is applying to you.

They might be sympathetic about the driving ban but it clearly states in the guidance that just needing to drive to work is not enough to count as exceptional hardship. And this is someone who has failed to learn from his mistakes with speeding FOUR times. What sort of an idiot who knows they have nine points still speeds?

He seems to not realise or not care that actions have consequences. Now he’s having to wake up to the fact that they do.

I've read your latest update, he is emotionally black mailing you by mentioning suicide. He is being very manipulative to get what he wants. He wants you to pay for his car insurance and sort him with a loan. A normal sensible person would look at their means and cut put everything they can no longer afford. He needs to contact the school and explain that he can no.longer afford the fees. They may allow him to stay, offer a cheaper rate or suggest a date he moves to public school. It is not the end of the world for his child to attend public school. Mine do not attend private school, and they are doing well in school. None of these concern you or your child. Your money shouldnt be going on this man and his family, but to yourself and your child. His debt will build up again and he'll ask for yet another loan it will never end for him, unless he cancels private school and stops paying his ex wife's rent. I'm sure she can work/claim universal credit/move to a cheaper property.

He will get kicked out because his parents are not paying the fees. Your DP needs to accept that this pipe dream of private school is over. It’s not the worst that can happen to the boy - he will be absolutely fine at state school.

It sounds like he’s getting desperate. The talk of suicide and stuff is really OTT but the first thing he has to do is to take his child out of private school. He cannot afford it. As of September that kid needs to be enrolled in a state school. End of.

I am sure he’s not all bad and that he’s done some nice things for you in the past. It’s also hard when you are paying fees for a child to be at a school they love but he needs to confront reality. Chances are he will soon be banned from driving and his business will take a huge hit. There will be no school fees or rent or anything when that happens.

It’s a mess. I’d be firm but nice to him. You paying his insurance is a drop in the ocean and will not address the real issue. He needs to sort out his life big time.

I would probably leave him but it’s a choice only you can make.

Also to be clear, if he chooses to kill himself (he won’t - it’s all emotional manipulation to get your money) it is his choice and only his. You are not responsible for his mental health in any way.

Please get rid of this nasty, manipulative scummy bastard @CrossingBoundaries007 . He mentioned suicide because he’s becoming desperate as he can sense you’ve seen through him. If he threatens to harm himself call the police to do a welfare check on him. His behaviour towards you is utterly disgusting and he’s being emotionally abusive.

Quite simply, if he can’t afford school fees his kid can go to a state school. If he can’t afford car insurance he’ll have to get rid of the car. If he can’t pay his ex’s rent, she will have to pay it. NONE of this is your problem - it’s all on him because he’s made stupid decisions and he’s a terrible driver. If you end the relationship and block him you will remove a lot of unpleasantness from your life.

but he's two months late on school fees ( around 3k)

So the child will have to go to state school then.

@TheTartfulLodger I think she's getting there though, it's not easy when you like someone and you also know the whole person, not just the bad bits.

The OP doesn't sound very young or desparate for a man by the way. She sounds sensible and thoughtful.

I just read this morning's update @CrossingBoundaries007 . He's emotionally and financially abusive towards you. I hope that you'll give him the boot once and for all. You are worth so much more than being treated as a walking cashpoint who he can also sleep with.
Please contact women's aid for some support with staying strong, and see if you can find the Freedom programme to do. I'd block his number and social media too. Don't let him worm his way back in.

Has she though? She hasn't said she's ended it.

He's a bottomless money pit of a man. Luckily you've seen the light OP.

How old is he and OP? I'm just thinking she must be young because nobody with experience in relationships can possibly be this naive. It's almost tragic she actually thinks this man is her best bet because she can't find anyone else. I mean you'd have to have pretty low self esteem to settle for a man this vile. Using threats of suicide to manipulate and coerce people into giving him money otherwise he might kill himself and it will all be your fault. Pure evil. I feel like throwing my laptop out the upstairs window the more I hear about this disgusting, despicable excuse for a man. This is an abusive relationship. Seriously OP, if you don't want better for yourself, at least aim for something better for your kid!

If you insure his car with him as a named driver your premiums will skyrocket with all those points on his licence. Not to mention you'll have to disclose that his insurance was cancelled, and that he is the registered keeper. It's debatable whether they will insure in this way and it could / will have a knock-on effect for your own insurance.
I'd be thinking very hard about whether he's a good choice for you and your child to hitch your wagon to.

He’s manipulating you. PLEASE break up with him, you and you child deserve a lot more than this.

You can't trust this man op, he is sinking low enough to threaten/blame you for his potential suicide ( lies ) to get money from you.

My brother did this 4yrs ago to me and I've not spoken or seen him since, I refuse to be manipulated like that, no thank you and fuck off.

Don't you find it telling that four of his friends have also decided to not help him? You are only the closest person because you've given into him previously, everyone has got the cut of his gib, wise up to it as well please.

So he's playing the suicide card now. What a manipulative turd he is. Bin him off.

Ew what a manipulative weasel, appealing to your kind nature!! It’s text book manipulation!!

”I asked if he spoke to his ex to help out and he said I'm just adding to his anxiety cos he knows she doesn't have it. He talked about the late footballer Jlloyd Samuel ( we watched the documentary together) how this is the cause of the high rate of suicide in men. How I was being unkind to him.”

This ⬆️ is absolutely disgusting. How dare he!! Yeh do as I say- give me money- and don’t question it because you’ll cause me anxiety and you are being unkind!!”

This one is a bad egg OP.

He IS deliberately trying to manipulate you op, calling you unkind ( because you won't give in and take out a loan or give he money ) and talking about suicide.

He is a horrible POS, stop giving him allowences, excuses like he doesn't know what he is doing, he knows full well.

You've been saying no and now he is desperate so he is bringing up any and everytime he may have spent money on you, like you said you didn't ask for this.

He is not your problem op, tell him to lose your number and block him.

I'm so angry for you, are you not angry?

@CrossingBoundaries007 what he's saying is if you don't pay he might kill himself and your being ever so unkind even questioning him or making suggestions. He is trying to manipulate you to pay with threats of suicide.

You aren't responsible for his irresponsible decision making financial, driving or otherwise. You also aren't responsible for his mental health. If he's suicidal because of his stress or situations he needs to seek help for that.

You need to end the relationship. He's a manipulative prick.

So he CAN'T afford the school fees then. Maybe not intentionally malicious no, but certainly intentionally manipulative and abusive. I mean seriously trying to guilt trip you about men committing suicide just because he can't squeeze money out of you? That's low. He's despicable. And you say you couldn't find anyone else you liked? Raise your standards for goodness sake. Please god tell me you are cutting ties and never having anything to do with this man ever again!

So predictably, what was supposed to be a "please don't leave me" call was actually an opportunity to trot out all the demands again

No surprise there, but it defeats me why you're still engagin g with this loser in any way