Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

He told me I wasn't being helpful and me asking all these questions was not helpful and I was unkind.

He talked about the late footballer Jlloyd Samuel ( we watched the documentary together) how this is the cause of the high rate of suicide in men. How I was being unkind to him.

Oh dear gawd OP 😱

Like one of the previous posters said, he's not intentionally malicious but has a whole lot of growing up to do.
And what about the majority of the posters who are calling him mentally and emotionally abusive, manipulative and controlling? You are believing one versus 20(?). Why is that?

And more to the point why are you still with him? Thinking you are oh so strong because you are saying no isn't about you having good boundaries - because if you had decent ones you would no longer be together. Your thinking is still twisted and off centre. Run instead of trying to talk, to explain, just run and find your sanity.

I have a relative who has had four boyfriends with almost identical back stories so I felt a little sick when I read this because they all turned out to be monsters.

Red flags flapping in the wind here.

Do not start taking financial responsibility. This is an MO, and it doesn't end well.

Please be discerning and protect yourself.

That man is a walking talking red flag 🚩 Run don’t walk away.

OP it’s sad but true private schools DO kick students out for non payment of fees even if they are great students - if they don’t otherwise qualify for a bursary or scholarship. Please don’t assume that this won’t happen (albeit it’s not your child and not your responsibility).

Suicide threats are classic manipulation tactics when someone tries to break off a toxic relationship. I had a very controlling ex ( I was 18!) and when I broke it off, he suddenly started making suicide threats. After some more weeks of harassment, saying how he can't live without me etc, (peppered with a few threats at me!) I had enough and told him to go ahead and do it. He went quiet. I hung up. Guess what, he was fine. He left me alone once he realised there was absolutely nothing left to say to hold on to me.

NRTFT

Read back your posts as if a friend has sent them to you, asking for your advice

This man is a walking red flag, money pit and all-round shitshow

Run, don't walk

I want to know how he thinks he’ll manage school fees when Labour slaps on an extra 20%. Sorry, OP, he is using you to live beyond his means, and you need to get out. Imagine you had a daughter telling you all this - what would you say to her? And I don’t think you’d be telling her to pull away gradually, either: this is a band aid that needs pulling right off, the sooner the better.

OP I know it sounds ideal to be passive so that he will go away but, from experience, this does not work - the unwanted are remarkably sticky because being passive tells them you want to avoid being told you are mean or unreasonable at all costs, never mind veiled suicide threats.

You need to end it in a way that can't be argued with - I am not feeling it any more, I don't fancy you, it's not you, it's me, I'm not having fun anymore, I don't like spending time with you anymore, we have outgrown each other - at least I have outgrown you, I want to focus on other things and I no longer have time for you, I'd like to remain friends (lie) but I don't see you as any more any longer. Sorry it didn't work out. I wish you well. Goodbye.

He knows what he should be doing but he'd rather emotionally abuse you.
The talk of suicide is his way of keeping you in check.
Send the police around for a wellness check.

He’s basically taking money from your DC and giving it to his “real family”

Cop onto yourself OP. Just dump and block.

What's this?

"....Hes in a monthly contribution scheme which he puts 2k in money but he's not due to collect his until later on in the year apparently he can't stop this..."

£2k a month for what and why can't he stop it?

I’m not the best with finances, but have gotten much better with age. My ex was a bit like this. Bad with $. Always putting things off so always ending up paying late fees/fines. Prioritizing the wrong things so always in a bind and he made over 100k a year.

so now he meets women moves them in so they can pay for the lifestyle he wants and he STILL has financial issues. I’m glad I was smart enough not to move in with him. It’s so unattractive.

Honestly, I want to take men like this and give them a thorough dressing down. They are such predictable arseholes - and pathetic specimens. Imagine going through life like they do- thinking their crap is okay. How embarassing for them.

But it does not have to be the OP's problem. Dump and flush.

Blimey don't use that as the excuse not to insure him he'll see it as an open invite to move in!!

And no excuse is necessary re the insurance, it is simply not possible, legally, without lying when applying, end of.

Surely the outrageous thing is the school fees that he should have thought about before committing.(even if he hasn’t paid for 2 months). He sounds ridiculously extravagant and reckless. Then making outrageous requests to you to try and bail him out of a situation of his own making! Stay strong, OP, and don’t give in to his nonsense! Though I think you’ve already got the measure of him. The car insurance thing is ridiculous and could land you in a heap of trouble!

The implicit sucide threat is massively abusive, if you don't stop questioning his bullshit and don't commit insurance fraud for him.....

And you don't think this is abuse?
Seriously?
Step away from this highly manipulative man.
Why would anyone want to consider marriage to such a mess?
Talk about ruining your life and that of your child.
Unbelievable.

Then he’ll push to move in. Be careful Op

Oh, I stupidly missed the suicide reference - how tediously predictable

Just say that you've spoken to the insurance company and you're not able to do that as he doesn't live at the same address and then slowly wind down the contact and find someone else!

Apologies if this has been said already because I haven't RTFT but you cannot insure a vehicle that belongs to him (or anyone else) in your name - you have no "insurable interest" in the vehicle. You could pay his insurance for him (if you wanted to) but you cannot do something in your name. And yes I do work in insurance.

@CrossingBoundaries007 so he is paying the ex’s full rent and asking you to help with his own bills? Might as well give your money to the ex! Just … No!!!

Divorced 3 kids, can't pay his bills, no credit rating, wants to marry you already..... 😂😂😂😂

What about the school fees and ex’s rent? If fees are 1.5k a month and the rent is £400 that’s nearly 2 grand. Then loan repayments etc. That’s where the money is going - it’s not a mystery.

Stellar advice on here OP, keep reading it through. Hopefully you will look back and think "yes, that's when it changed for me". Move forward in your life ,there is so much more for you, the freedom from this toxicity is just the start. and a hug x