To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

He's got the money, she sounds like she has a legitimate reason for needing a larger, more fuel efficient car.....not any of your business.

Not your circus
Not your monkeys

OP - your DP is clearly very wealthy but you are looking at this through the lens of a "normal" person which is ridiculous. He has plenty of money, as does she. Her life is not going to be the same as the vast bulk of the population. And in HER circles, this is normal. Some 5 year old Skoda with a huge boot would make her stand out far more.

Sure - suggest to him that a more practical car that can actually fit all the gear is a better choice, but to get all upset because it's an expensive brand new car is completely pointless.

If you have issues with his wealth and how he therefore behaves, perhaps you shouldn't be with him at all.

It is sad that safety is a paid privilege, but from parent's point of view, if the daughter is driving around a lot and he can afford it, it makes sense to pay for a big new car.

Maybe google the booth dimensions to get some idea how it differers, so you will know whether her preference would accommodate more things or not before calling it ludicrous?

It’s none of your business.

It’s the kind of wasteful ostentation, of expenditure over necessary spec, that I find a turnoff, but that is very much a personal subjective view.

My family background of Quakers and Methodists is deep in my outlook. Plus I see rampant consumerism as a political and environmental issue. So whereas his parenting choices are his own affair I would see this as a difference in values.

No issue with his wealth per se, but massive expensive branded flash vehicles for 19 year olds goes beyond the philosophy of ‘have nothing that you know to be of use or believe to be beautiful’, for me. As I say, personal. But relationships are built on personal values.

An A class isn’t going to work here. A 3 series doesn’t have to be an M3

We bought our son a brand new car when he passed his test at 17 and he is 36 now and we still buy him a new car every 3 years on his birthday, plus tax and insure. He is not spoilt, he works hard, owns a house and we can afford to do this, so why not.
It's our money and you can't take it with you, so would rather spend it on loved ones and charities we are passionate about.

It is Tennis only between 4 and 6 can be on the team and they pretty much exclusively send 4 (4 singles, 2 doubles matches).

Fair enough. I'm with you though, we could afford to buy expensive cars for our kids but I won't on principle. The insurance is horrendous and they shouldn't have everything handed on a plate. My sons have cars but ordinary ones.

If she wants a bigger size, there's plenty of Kia and Hyundai type SUVs without needing to be a BMW or Mercedes.

Sounds like the main issue is the impractical choice of car. I'd get the safest thing on the market if money was no object. For luggage space and comfort a Volvo/Skoda/Toyota/Lexus would be ideal. Have a look at a Lexus LM. Practical and luxurious!

It's actually non of your business what he spends his money on she goes to St Andrews there will be many kids like her with money and cars and trust funds that is why she's there isn't it ? So I don't think you can roll your eyes when your wealthy partner spends money on his child.

You obviously have different priorities in life you need to let this go he's not going to stop supporting her in the life he's given her to teach her some life lesson.

The boot on a C class is huge-I speak from experience

I'm all for graduated driving licenses where she she could get the most expensive A class but no way a powerful 3 Series M sport.

That generally makes sound economic sense in St Andrews rather than renting for 4 years…there’s a massive shortage of student lets in St Andrews with a lot of students spilling over to Dundee

@Liolio do I detect jealousy?

It’s not really your business though is it.

I’m not sure how a Volvo XC90 is in anyway less expensive than a 3 Series.

If he can afford it then it’s really up to him

Not sure the disparaging comments about everything else a group of girls deem necessary is kind either. They’ll be travelling for a few days, kit bags and overnight bags fir four girls is a lot of stuff.

I wouldn’t take kindly to anyone making comment on the things I buy my dc.

This reminds me very much of a a situation with dh’s friend. His (much younger) new partner fell out with him as he was going to buy his dd a Moncler coat for her birthday. She said that it was too much to spend on a 16 year old. He came over as he was questioning himself and didn’t know what to do. Dh told him in no uncertain terms that she hadn’t objected to him spending similar amounts of money on her (true). He also said that as it isn’t actually her money, it’s none of her bloody business. Respectfully op I would say the same to you.

Being at St Andrews will probably have skewed her views - there's a small elite who have hop of the range everything and I think that attitude filters down to a degree. (I'm from the town)

Could you maybe point out that an estate will be better for carrying equipment? Talk about reliability- how they don't want to miss a competition because of a breakdown - and steer her towards middle market estates (VW and the like)

The newer cars will probably be more fuel efficient and have better safety features anyway.

He can afford it she has always lived a privileged life why would she have a car that doesn't fit her lifestyle?

It is ludicrous but you are also judging his parenting

You shouldn't really get involved