To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

If a boyfriend told me what car I should or shouldn’t be buying my DC they would be given short shrift.

It really isn’t any of your business. You sound jealous of her.

Yes, everyone knows that the classy rich people fetishize poverty.

😂

My DH is of the same ilk as your DP.
DC's were given almost new cars after passing tests, upgraded after a year ( e.g Polo to A4 ).
Main reason was a close relative of DH died age 17 many years ago in a road accident, as a passenger.
The family never got over it.
Newer cars have more safety features, bigger cars have more of a crumple zone. Imagine being in an accident in a Fiat 500 vs an X3 e.g. You want bigger not smaller for that reason alone.
Initially I also thought DC's were being spoilt, they both had several accidents too , inc a couple of write offs.
Young, driving too fast etc. Not condoning it, they learned lesson as their insurance is now sky high and eats into their earnings. The ( big/new ) cars prevented injuries for sure, 100 %.
So
whilst it is
"spoiling " them, it was best for safety and we wanted to buy the best safety possible.

"Same when I worked in investment banking, my managing director drove a car with moss growing out of the roof."

Yeah. All the investment bankers I know have to run with the car like Fred flintstone.

So? He’s in a position where neither the nor his daughter have to struggle. Good for them.

Personally I’ve never differentiated between money I’ve earned and money from my trust fund (and what if, through investment and financial planning, you’ve not only maintained the trust fund, but grown it? Is that not an achievement?) and considered one source better than the other.

"I’d advocate not learning to drive until after uni if you have to at all. There’s always hope we can bring down car use and the need for car travel. The best way would be better infrastructure and improved public transport but every little helps."

You want her and her teammates to do return journeys on public transport to Loughborough from St Andrews with all their kit?

The judgement is more likely to be that it's considered a bit tacky to have an expensive car. I work with aristo colleagues and they drive very average cars, including old Passats. Same when I worked in investment banking, my managing director drove a car with moss growing out of the roof. These may not be entirely normal choices but she really won't stand out if she doesn't have a brand new luxury SUV.

The managing directors I worked with did not drive cars with moss growing out the roof. They all had sports cars. Their wives drove range rovers or similar.

The fact that she is asking for this car makes it pretty clear that she is NOT concerned it will make her look like an idiot. so in her circles, it clearly is normal.

You sound jealous. It's nothing to do with you.

He has plenty of money, as does she. Her life is not going to be the same as the vast bulk of the population. And in HER circles, this is normal. Some 5 year old Skoda with a huge boot would make her stand out far more.

This isn't true. My son's at Durham, as I mentioned, which is fairly high on the rich student front and he said he's never seen a student have a car like that. His friend's parents have multiple properties, including a ski chalet in the Alps and he shares a VW Polo with his brother.

The judgement is more likely to be that it's considered a bit tacky to have an expensive car. I work with aristo colleagues and they drive very average cars, including old Passats. Same when I worked in investment banking, my managing director drove a car with moss growing out of the roof. These may not be entirely normal choices but she really won't stand out if she doesn't have a brand new luxury SUV.

It's his child, his income and his decision. Don't get involved or stay non- committal if you can't do that.

Bite your tongue!

Well if it gets damaged it's insured, it will be safer, more reliable and fit for her needs.

It sounds like she's doing well both academically and in her sport, so his parenting has obviously worked well so far.

It sounds like you're jealous. Hopefully he'll ignore you and spend his money how he sees fit.

I’d advocate not learning to drive until after uni if you have to at all. There’s always hope we can bring down car use and the need for car travel. The best way would be better infrastructure and improved public transport but every little helps.

"if you aren't paying attention it's so easy to speed."

Erm, you should always be paying attention.

True and neither do you or any of us, but I'm also not judging him either way. Change my sentence to 'why are you not happy that someone you love and his daughter don't have to struggle?' and the meaning remains the same.

If he can affiord it Why not?

I wouldn't be putting a 19 year old in a 3 series. We have one and they are ridiculously quick. I'm nearly 20 years older and have to be cautious by putting the speed restrictor on because if you aren't paying attention it's so easy to speed.

You have no idea if he achieved anything. He could have inherited a trust fund himself.

You sound extremely judgemental and like you don't even like him. Why are you not proud of what he's achieved and happy for him and her that they don't have to struggle?

I say that as someone who gets paid less than £30k

He’s spending what he can easily afford. I don’t understand why he should buy her a banger ‘on principle’, but then I suppose some people do think there’s a moral element to it. it’s interesting that a previous poster made mention of their Protestant background, as ime this is an attitude I’ve found to be much, much more of prevalent in countries that are culturally Protestant.

Making your kids ‘work for it’ by only providing the basics isn’t the only way to teach financial competence by any means, either.

Indulging his DD is normal for him and within his means. It sounds like your circumstances are very different. Keeping in mind this is going to happen again and again, is the relationship going to work for you long term?

@Liolio the reality is that being friends with or in a relationship with someone with a huge financial differential can be difficult - the wealthy person can make all kinds of assumptions, the less wealthy one can be resentful etc etc. x1000 if one partner doesn't really approve of the other one's choices.

I used to work in in a bank. Lots of very very wealthy people, a good proportion of whom also came from wealth. Many of them were nice people and a good few genuinely had an interest in trying to make the world a better place. But they often just did not understand the reality of life for everyone else. I've lost count of the number of times I've heard comments like, "But why can't they do it, it's just £20" or "If they just worked a bit harder".

You are judging him. And he obviously didn't want you to know his wealth until he got to know you.

Now you've realised it, you're coming across jealous. All this faux "it's not safe" nonsense when clearly a newer car will have better safety features is a dead giveaway. Topped off with "don't get me started with the brand new renovated flat!"

Why wouldn't he invest in property if that's what he does? Makes good financial sense. This resentment towards his daughter won't do you any favours.

I think he was wise to keep his wealth under wraps because now he can see your reaction he can make a better decision.

His wealth/spending is making you uncomfortable you have different values to him are you able to see past that? He's not going to stop spending because you think he's spending "wrong".

You are right that it's ludicrous.
You are wrong to tell DP so.

You can say what you would do in a factual manner and ecplain why, if yoir opinion is sought, without using judgemental words like ludicrous or crazy

I agree I wouldn't do that for a 19yo daughter of mine even if money was no object. The reason that insurance premiums for a 19yo driving a car like that are so high is because the insurance companies know that the risks of a disastrous crash are very high. Therefore it's in the interests of safety for ones child to choose a car which has relatively low premiums (ie a much lower power engine and lower performance specs generally) as a way of keeping my child safe. Money can't buy immunity from the laws of physics when there's a danger of a motorway crash.