To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

Your burning jealousy is seeping through op. This is nothing to do with you. I can only think because you want some of it that's why it's bothering you.

It has nothing to do with you, absolutely nothing. He's her dad and her lifestyle seems to be in line with their financial situation. You must be utterly jealous because I cannot see how this affects your life at all.
Are you expected to contribute to the car or something because I just can't understand why is it your concern.

This is nonsensical ignorance!! A more powerful car shoots forward easier and goes faster easier and quicker! You really don't realise that a powerful vehicle is more dangerous than a Fiesta?!?!

I’m well aware that not everyone has trust funds, and I’m not sure why you seem to think that fact has escaped me. At the end of the day, whether inherited, gifted, or earned, money is money. Is it everything? No. Can it make one hell of difference to your life and your enjoyment of it? Absofuckinglutely. I also don’t know why you think you have to start from nothing in order to understand that.

I don’t value money from one source more highly than money from another, but then I’m not trying to prove anything, to myself or anyone else, one way or the other.

Why does she have to go cheap if she doesn’t need to or have to? To appease the sensibilities of strangers? Seriously, what would be the point of that? That’s a strange mindset to me, but each to their own and all that.

Regardless of whether she gets the car or not, that money isn’t going to be spent on any of the above.

All the UHNW individuals, including titled landed 'gentry' I know or know of have an unassuming car that's used day to day for "work" and a more eclectic selection of cars (if cars are their thing) that never make it near the riff raff. But then they also don't need to go to an office...

I'm not sure why people are getting worked up about a C class or 3 series - they are the modern day equivalent of a Ford Mondeo. Perfectly practical, efficient, comfortable and safe. Unless you actually buy a top of the range performance version they are not even that quick - certainly no more so than a Volvo, VW or Kia.

You are judging his parenting and he has the money so it's his choice. You should stick to pointing out the practicality of ferrying several girls plus their kit.

How he has so much money might make you rethink your relationship with him, that's a separate issue but you dont sound very compatible.

Most insurance companies won't insure a 19 year old as the main driver on certain cars, likely to be the case with what she's sending.

You’d be surprised, often it can be surprisingly cheap to insure a car not typically driven by young drivers. I know people who were driving Porsches at 19/20 without eye watering premiums.

Well he’s not going to randomly pay a teachers salary, or for care workers or nursery nurses, is he? I’m not sure what relevance that has whatsoever.

It’s his money, and his daughter - if he wants to give her the best of everything he possibly can, then good for him. Sounds like a lovely, generous, kind man.

A lot of people aren’t happy that others don’t have to struggle, even if said ‘others’ are close to them, or members of their own family. It’s a case of ‘you should struggle because I had/have to!’, as if that’s a fairness they’re owed in life. Actually a lot of people think their way is the only right way, and that anyone that doesn’t do the same is ‘missing out’ (they never seem to consider themselves to have ‘missed out’ on the alternative, however).

I wonder if OP has a problem with what he can provide his child, compared to what she can provide hers.

I also wonder if OP believed herself to be in a position where she could influence his decisions, and is mad because he quickly dispelled that notion.

Reading updates in honestly sounds like you’re a bit jealous of a 19 yo

I suppose it is quite a shock finding yourself this close to this kind of lifestyle.

And there are many takes on that.

Is it unfair that some people are born this rich and some are born poor? Totally yes.
Is using homes for investment part of the big problem? Yes. In the same time, it isn't a problem caused by a single person, it is a political problem (taxes, laws, ...)

While living on a budget while in college can teach a lot, it wouldn't work that well when the family is really wealthy. It would be quite strange to let the child eat pot noodles and compete for halls place/reasonable rents and needing a guarantor.

It sounds you liked him better when you didn't know about the money, but he is still the same person, isn't he?

I'd say it is ok to not know what to make of that, just observe and try to. It sound judgemental when you are mostly surprised.

TBH round here the "I ditched the multi millionaire surgeon because he likes buying his family Mercs" would be a tough one to carry off in the pub.

But she regularly has to make long journeys, the OP said. Not sure I would be considering an electric in that situation. Range anxiety and all that.

You need to just leave the guy. You clearly resent him and his daughter and disapprove of their choices.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with buying a car if you can afford it and investing in property is sensible. You seem to think very lowly of the property rental market but we do need rental properties to be available and for that there needs to be landlords.

Ha, this is so true!

You are judging his parenting though. If it’s no financial impact to him, what does it matter? It’s only ludicrous if he can’t afford it and has to sell a kidney to get it.

I think by the time you have ruled out cocklodgers, men who are rich but who earn their money by "unfair means", men whose views you don't align with politically, men who spend too much time doing hobbies/watching sport, men who like a beer with their mates, men who like collecting stuff, men who like buying their kids cars ... etc etc etc

You have reduced the dating pool to about the size of a postage stamp. And that's even if Trevor from Bristol is interested.

Apparently "there are no good men out there".

Why are you insulting a teenager who has a wealthy dad who loves her? There's nothing entitled or spoilt or brattish to live the life you were dealt

OP I don't think this relationship is going to go well; you clearly resent your DP's money and are very judgmental. This will inevitably fester and lead to breaking up unless you shift your mindset, because there is no chance he is going to dump his wealth just to suit you.

Re the uni flat, you surely can see that he has bought it initially for his daughter and her friends to live in, but once they leave St Andrews, he has a very nice investment property in a highly sought-after University town? There is no shortage of students at St Andrews who come from wealthy families who will be delighted to find and pay for high quality student accommodation. It's recurring income for the foreseeable - smart investment if you ask me. If the flat is in his DD's name then she will have that income and the start of a property portfolio of her own.

Your issue with the car is a red-herring. You basically resent and disapprove of your DP's money, his investments and how he spends his money - if it wasn't the car or the flat, it would be something else. The real question here is whether you see any future in this relationship. If you want to be with this man, then you have to accept his wealth and the fact that he is entitled to spend his money however he wants.

Why is she a spoiled entitled brat because her reality isn’t the same as OP’s?

Would you consider her to be a better person if she pretended to be poor?

Most insurance companies won't insure a 19 year old as the main driver on certain cars, likely to be the case with what she's sending.

Have a check yourself and if she does get a class/high performance car then he's likely fronted it and committed insurance fraud.

Why are you with someone raising spoiled entitled brats in the first place?

Because he can and he wants to.

It actually sounds like realising he had more property’s and is wealthier than you thought has put you off him. Though I don’t get why him having a few rental properties were fine, but him having more than ‘a few’ is different.

It sounds like you don’t like her as well.

I assume you won’t want to take this relationship further because you think his morals and how he got his money is distasteful?

How could you not notice his spending habits?

This isn't true. My son's at Durham, as I mentioned, which is fairly high on the rich student front and he said he's never seen a student have a car like that. His friend's parents have multiple properties, including a ski chalet in the Alps and he shares a VW Polo with his brother.

Lol yes, this is typical pick me rich people behaviour. Lots of kids and parents do this on purpose because they can. Sort of like using an old iPhone with a broken screen just for the "vibe". It's actually a bit of a reverse performance for the poorer people. So they will tell their friends and family this exact anecdote and there's an illusion of "oh they're just like us".

But fast forward a few years when they have kids, homes, jobs that require more travel or the need for more space, almost every single one of them will upgrade to a BMW, Jaguar X Pace, Tesla or Mercedes without batting an eye. They won't be socialising with middle class kids anymore, they have no fear of judgement and nothing more to prove.

Lots of friends who went to private school got BMWs and Mercedes at 19-20 from their parents. It's not ludicrous within certain circles.

When I was in sixth form in the 90s there were plenty of people with brand new cars including a 3 series, a Z3 and a SAAB 9-3 Cabrio.

Buying kids who don't have much driving experience expensive new luxury cars probably isn't the best idea.

Because when you start to drive you normally prang your car a lot. And the more expensive the car the more expensive to fix. That's without mentioning the running costs and the insurance.

Plus getting something like an Audi to cram a load of sports kit in probably isn't a good idea as it is probably easy to damage the interior and its second hand value won't be great.

OTOH if you are travelling long distances on a regular basis it does pay to have something a bit chunkier than a Fiesta in case you are in a high speed smash.

Ultimately though what people choose to waste their own money on is their business.