To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

They’re referring to her as a child, as in, she is OPs partners child. How else should they describe her?

🙄

My son is 20 and has driven all over the UK. He’s sensible with a sensible group of friends. To assume everyone at that age has no experience and shows off with their friends is ridiculous.

OP needs to keep out and trust her partners judgement to parent.

I bought mine new cars, I can afford it and wanted them to be reliable. Don't care if people like you judge them.

^ This.
Everyone referring to her as a child, then this child is given a powerful car. What a good idea…

It’s up to him though, unless he’s asking you to contribute. If she’s already got a BMW then she’s already driving a powerful car.

I’d go Volvo too, wouldn’t touch BMW. She’s not thinking practicality, just flashy.

I teach people to drive. Accidents are pretty common in the first 250 hours of driving, so the question is what would you rather they had an accident in? Newer cars have a vast array of safety systems, I know what I’d choose if I had the money. Your kids are precious cargo.

My son wants to work for BMW and if he does he’ll have access to a very cheap new BMW. I’ll be pleased about that, they’re strong cars.

My only issue would be the model of car for carrying lots of kit. SUV? Not practical for space. Excellent estate? Yes.

If she’s only sending SUVs across to look at I’d question if she is wanting a car for sports or just to look good.

Expensive cars are generally far safer than the likes of the cheap tin box o have to drive due to funds. Also will be far more reliable than an old banger. It's scary being broken down on the hard shoulder of a motorway .If money isn't an issue I don't see what the issue is. It's enabling not just her but her team to get safely to their venue with all their kit!

I would rather my child drive a new car or newish with all the newer safety features.

I would get her an electric though if buying new today. Way better. A Volvo, vw id4, or similar

Well a brand new car is the safest probably as no unknowns. Previous crash damage etc.
I don’t see the safety argument.

Is she the type to speed and take risks and show off to her mates?

I would dearly love to be able to give any of my DC (or myself!) a smart new car. Sounds like depreciation etc isn’t something they have to worry about so YABU.

You need to keep your nose out. She’s not your child.

From a safety point of view, as long as she’s sensible, it’s fine.

You are judging his parenting. You are judging the decision he is making for his child.

Not sure it would be the decision I would make. But it doesn’t really concern you. You don’t share finances and it’s got zero impact on you.

Not sure why you volunteered an opinion on it to be honest. It was never going to go down well.

I would make this suggestion too. Still a luxury car but also very safe (if the safety is what you are worried about). Though to be fair, I would rather my child drive a mid sized luxury car vs. a cheaper smaller car because of the safety.

A 19 year old should not be driving a big powerful car. I know fatal accidents can happen with any car. But a 19 year old, with a bunch of friends in a bigger car is a recipe for disaster. She's too inexperienced as a driver at that age.

That's you told!

If you're not paying for it, and you don't live together, and your DP is wealthy, it doesn't affect your finances.

You sound jealous that your DP is splashing so much cash on his DD, and judgmental on your DP's parenting; not sure whether that's because you couldn't/wouldn't be able to do the same for your own DC.

Not your business. Bmw 1 series is small and I'm not surprised it doesn't fit their gear.

I think he could suggest more practical cars for transporting sports team/kit, but it isn’t really your business.

I’d look at a newish Volvo XC60 or 90. Lots of safety features.

I think a “are you sure that will hold all the kit?” comment would be fine, but a “You can’t get her that, she’ll crash/it’s too expensive/it won’t work” comment would be unreasonable.

YABU to offer unsolicited criticism of his parenting and then to act confused when he didn't appreciate it.

That isn't a choice I would make for my own children or my own bank account and you're well within your rights not to make it for yours. But this has nothing to do with your children or your money, so if he didn't specifically ask for your opinion then you were out of line. You should apologize.

Sitting on the fence
My dad got me an old but safe car (a little Fiat uno!) and had some rules. No parking tickets, no speeding fines, no accidents, no nothing for a year and I had to do a pass plus and he then paid for an advanced driving course

After a year when I had done all that he surprised me with a brand new (still small engine) car

Yes yabu. If he can afford it why not? My daughter doesn’t have a brand new car, it’s a year old and my son will get the same this year. You get what you can afford .

This is why you should never date men with children
for what it’s worth
I bought my daughter a brand new Alfa Romeo the day after she passed her driving test; she traded it for a smaller car with a bigger boot when she qualified as a Dr
other than her sperm donor, no man was involved

Not sure that expensive cars are any less safe than cheap ones. What do you say when he criticises the things you buy for your DC?

You're not BU to think it's ludicrous to get that sort of car, but maybe would have been better left unsaid if he's got more money than sense. If he can afford the car and the presumably eye watering insurance it's his to spend.

A decent sized new or newish car with excellent safety ratings isn't daft... but the best choice may not be those German brands trading on rather outdated reputations, and probably a touring sports type of model for kit carrying.