To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

I think it's more the impractical choices she's making. If it were a used car, you'd be frustrated that she's not choosing a car that's appropriate to what is required rather than the cost. If she takes care of it, then it's up to your DP. If she crashes it and demands another one - that's a spoilt brat and something will need to be said.

On the flat thing - my IL did this and it saved them a fortune in rental costs. They charged rent for the other room and it covered the cost of the mortgage and running costs so essentially my DH and BIL lived rent free.

I would shut up, marry him and fingers crossed new car and trust funds all round😂 why are you bothered. He can buy his daughter whatever he wants. Most parents help their children if they can.

Like Elon Musk and Richard Branson?

I have a Fiat 500…I also have an Aston Martin 🤷‍♀️

(or Boris Johnson!)

Even if I had all the money in the world, if my 19 year old had a 1 series (especially if it was only 2 years old because it was new itself?) what I would be suggesting to them is that they sell it & use the value of the existing asset they have been gifted to buy a vehicle of a size that meets their needs, within the budget they already have available.

Turning posh teenage children into grifting money sponges does them no good whatsoever, and compromises their morals to the extent they end up doing god knows what to continue surrounding themselves with people that generate money they can sponge off for the rest of their lives.

Look at Ghislaine Maxwell...

He's rich. It's a normal car if that's your price range... Why don't they 'understand the value of money', is it because they've actually got it to spend?

DP thinks I'm judging his parenting!

I’ll judge him for you @Liolio. It’s ridiculous to supply a 19 year old student with 60k car.

This totally smacks of the Sunak sky episode - privileged people who don’t understand the value of money (& despite how hardworking people are most will never be this affluent.)

nothing to do with you.......

I don’t see this as a problem. Do what? She needs an SUV and he can afford it.

Not something I would do but she’s his daughter, not yours and he can afford it, so why not 🤷‍♀️

My daughter was in a similar situation at Uni, she played hockey. We did upgrade her car, but to one that was 6 years old. It’s probably going to be parked on the street, have loads of muddy friends and muddy kit in it and it won’t get cleaned, or any attention other than getting fuel put in. I wouldn’t go new but do understand why she may need something bigger.
In all honesty whatever the financial situation it does not make sense to buy a car that really expensive when you know it’s not going to be cared for

Lol at comparative chavviness being debated. Old and new money alike drive whatever cars they want to (can’t say I’ve seen either shy away from BMW and Mercedes). It’s generally the lower middles classes that are afflicted with both class anxiety and set ideas of what ‘class’ does or doesn’t do (it rarely reflects the actual reality).

But at least she hasn't chosen an SUV... they have an even worse image. For maximum chavness an Mercedes AMG Line SUV, in black 😂

You sound almost jealous of his daughter. It sounds like, that in this instance, the class divide between you and your partner doesn’t really work. You should never tell someone how and what to spend their money on. If this was the other way round, and your partner was saying all this to you, then they’d be uproar. I honestly can’t imagine feeling so bitter about someone’s success that id want to reevaluate the relationship. You should do him a favour and let him move on!

Not your money. Not your child. Not your business.

If money is no object then there really is no problem. Maybe try and show some support by saying is the chosen car any bigger than the current one ? Are there other options to look into.
not your kid or responsibility so rather than be jealous show your support and wish her luck

You just sound very jelous OP.

Evidently wealthy, so what? What do you want him to do, apologise for being wealthy? He inherited it, but all parents want to do better and provide for their kids don’t they? Are you not assisting yours in anyway at all (even in a much smaller way?). Will you not help them financially when they may wish to go to Uni or move out? His is simply in a much grander scale.

You say you’re questioning your relationship and didn’t know about his wealth - clearly he doesn’t brag about it. Why are you questioning it because he’s wealthy? I would be questioning it if I was him too, because your behaviour and reactions and views are really off putting.

He will be seeing the 4 bed flat as a future investment too, not simply just for use by them now. Maybe he’s also wealthy as he looks at the bigger picture and makes more sensible longer term financial decisions too, not simply emotive ones.

Oh I’ve read it wrong

OP isn't a step mom to this young woman or anything close.

You don’t live together it’s HIS money it’s not like he’s paying for it out of a joint account and it’s not like it’s going to effect the household because you aren’t under one roof.

i agree but there’s always posts telling step mums to treat kids like their own/take them on every holiday etc but then told to not have an opinion

The only thing that is unreasonable is her awful choice in cars. BMW, merc, and Audi are so chavvy, they’re the new fiat 500s! 😂 By all means he should get her a car but one with a bit less boy/girl racer vibes.

This has nothing to do with cars and more to do with the fact that you can’t get your head around his wealth.

Some people have so much money that buying things like brand new cars doesn’t really matter. I went to uni with a guy who was given a brand new navy Ferrari for his 21st. Also, it is not uncommon for parents to buy flats in their kids uni towns rather than rent. It’s actually not a bad idea if you have the cash.

It sounds as though the 2 of you are not compatible as you have a chip on your shoulder about his wealth.

None of your business!