Stepchildren and dirty washing. AIBU?

Exactly.

There is nothing difficult about washing,'or even time-consuming. People make such a fuss over laundry.

It's reasonable but I don't know any teenagers that do this, and I don't expect my own to do it either - mainly because they'd never have a full wash so it makes sense for me to to do it with everything else and also because they'd end up washing something like a pair of jeans on their own just because they wanted them. Much easier to do it myself.

I also do my SCs washing because why wouldn't I if I'm doing the washing 🤔 it hardly takes a lot of effort.

Yes, this .

You don’t wash your husbands pants ? That’s a bit .. nuts .! My husband and both do the washing and will quite happily throw each others knickers into the wash! Do you have a washing basket each ? Does he just save up his knickers somewhere separate? How long for, does he have 100’s of pairs ?! So many questions, sounds far too much for me to deal with!

Unless you are taking the washing down to the river and beating it with a stone then I think you or anyone should wash what is dirty when the washing basket is full.

ok… well I guess that tells us that we clearly don’t share the same issues when it comes to other peoples’ dirty washing then.

I also don't really understand each person doing their own washing independently of everyone else in the house. We have one washing basket. When a load is in there it will get put on by someone.

I would be more concerned if he thinks they are too young for any chores. If I'm putting a wash in it would take longer to remove my teens stuff than just do it. I do however expect them to prepare tea if I need them to.

I was doing my own washing from when I was 13. This was in the days of the old twin tubs when you had to more or less physically stand over it for an hour…wash the whites first, then the mid coloureds, then the really dark stuff.

They’re old enough to do it themselves

If she's old enough to menstruate she can wash her panties! Good lord, she's 14 years not months. Get a grip.

17 is old enough to do their own laundry, and 14 is old enough to learn how to use the machine and start doing laundry, too.
Could they perhaps put their underwear into zip up laundry net bags, so that you don't have to touch them directly when loading the machine with a family wash? Then when clean, they could be hung with the rest, or the teens could help you to hang out the laundry / hang up their own ... ?
xx

I agree. What in earth is inappropriate about washing other peoples underwear! I have 3 daughters, I’ve not had much choice in the matter especially as one of them is now a disabled adult living with me.I wouldn’t have wanted them to feel that their periods were dirty or distasteful somehow. I personally couldn’t be doing with everyone doing separate washing , would’ve driven me bonkers . As long as it made it to the washing basket, and got put away when clean by them I was happy. With help hanging up etc as required, and any other appropriate tasks.
They’ve managed to grow into fully capable adults with their own homes, so I must’ve done something ok. Apart from the severely disabled one, but that’s another story. Actually she puts her own clothes away sometimes come to think of it! Not necessarily in the right places but 🤷‍♀️

My cleaner washes my pants, FFS - they're just bits of fabric. I really don't get what all the fuss is about - whoever is doing the washing (inc kids) just chucks stuff in.

@Lri

I'm wondering where they picked up the notion that you should be doing their laundry for them. I don't think that came out of thin air, do you? Do you think your DH or their mum said something? At any rate, if you don't want to do it, then don't. No excuses needed about handling other's manky laundry. Just "No, they're old enough and need to do it themselves".

I learnt to do laundry around aged 14 but my mum pretty much did the laundry unless I wanted something special washed and it wasn't 'laundry day'. But if so, I was expected to wash whatever was in the basket, not just my few pieces as she 'didn't want to waste water'. I was the same with my sons, I didn't expect them to routinely wash their clothes but if I wasn't planning on doing laundry, then they needed to do it themselves. I'd say they did their own quite a bit since they seemed incapable of 1-putting dirty clothes in their basket and 2-bringing the basket downstairs when I shouted up the stairs 'Doing the laundry today!'.

Dh or I do all the washing here, including for our dc 29 & 18 and I do all the cooking. They are both perfectly capable of doing their own but I have fibromyalgia and find hoovering and cleaning the bathrooms particularly hard going also carrying shopping bags or heavy items. My dc do these things for me. A bit of give and take is what works for us. They are, however, not too young.

No way are they too young!

I'd show them how it works, give them the opportunity to ask questions about what cycle for what fabrics etc.

I would also give them a slot/day for them to do their laundry, so that you do not find they've shoved theirs in when you need to use the washer, and theres no arguing between them either.

And then let them at it - its their choice (and their fathers) whether they do their laundry on their days or they nag Daddy into doing it for them.

Too young for such responsibility??? What absolute rubbish. They absolutely should be doing it.

I wouldn’t be that bothered about adding their laundry to loads I was doing anyway but if you don’t want to then tell your DH that either he does it or his DC do it

Lucky you. Not everyone has perfect bowel health

I wouldn't. I'd leave them to it and question why they think OP should be doing it.

I agree. It's definitely the sort of thing a parent does for a child before they can do it themselves. Just because you married someone doesn't mean you have to handle their child's body fluids, you have to deal with your own child's shit. That's enough.

Or dad might step up and provide all this at his house anyway.

YANBU

They're both of an age where they're capable of doing domestics. Doing your own washing is a basic chore that they need to start doing.

It sounds like their dad indulges them.

A 17 year old is more than old enough to wash their clothes. 14 old is, but as still school age I’m on the fence if they should have to do it. However, my parents still washed my clothes until I moved out at 20, but that is because they said they would rather have one full washing load in the machine rather than multiple smaller loads

I really don't get the issue.

Because OP should not be skivvying for two girls, one almost adult, who are more than old enough to be pulling their weight in the home.

I would have a chat with your stepchildren and tell them that you want to encourage them to grow into independent adults and part of that is being able to do things for themselves. Hopefully you can get them to see that it's a good thing to know how to do laundry/cook meals/clean up after themselves etc. It will stand them in good stead. Your DH is doing them no favours by babying them!