Stepchildren and dirty washing. AIBU?

That's actually quite gross and shows that you don't have enough respect for your cleaner.

When I was a SAHM I had the time to support and encourage my kids to learn to look after themselves. It's so much quicker and easier to do it yourself...so I can see why some parents don't have time to teach and encourage their kids to learn and take responsibility for household tasks.

Why should she though? Of course they are old enough to do their own...it isn't difficult.

Personally, I think if you're a SAHM then you can find time for two more loads a week. You don't have to iron or put away, but a simple wash and dry for now.

But whatever you decide you need to communicate it with the kids. Did anyone actually let them know that neither of you are going to do it? Of course they'll expect it to be done if that's how it's always been.

Because you don't think they are capable of putting clothes in a machine and pushing a button or you don't think they should contribute to looking after themselves? Or something else? Does this only apply to washing clothes? Can they wash dishes - I'm sure they can wash themselves! Is a 14-year-old expected to do anything around the house? What's the magic age for contribution?

I think lots of parents do the washing themselves because it's easier to do it yourself than to have another battle.

I would not expect the 14 years old to do their washing, but 17 year old could.

You are being wierd about not wanting to touch their underwear. Just shove it in the machine .

Learning to do normal every day tasks independently will be useful. I was utterly bemused by the I don’t know how the washing machine works kids at uni. People who float through expecting others to do it for them. Dragging massive bin bags of dirty laundry home once a month. Honestly it’s not hard just tell him / them to organise own clothes.

My daughter has been helping me do the washing since she could walk!

It’s not exactly difficult doing washing - not like it used to be, sorting and folding can be time consuming. Asking a 14 year old to look after their own laundry situation helps them learn to take responsibility for themselves - it’s a small part. And sure they can learn to do when they leave home (spend time in student halls and there’s lots that can’t do very much) but why can’t they do it before hand - why do they need to be spoon fed? With rights and freedoms come responsibilities - to learn to adult both need to happen.

Old enough to do their own washing! You can ease in as a compromise if it is better for you so you don’t have the machine running constantly when half empty or wet clothes left in when they’re at school!. “SC, noticed a few times now you’ve needed something that hasn’t been washed. Could you start bringing down dirty washing on x day & put in machine - I will fill up and switch on?”

Dad can have the chat about helping more (especially with 17 yo - ‘you are about to leave home, should start doing own wash / hanging up.)

I will follow my sister’s example when kids are a bit older. 3 dirty wash baskets in utility, one for lights, one for darks, one bedding / towels. Older primary age Kids responsible for bringing their washing down and put in basket. Mum does wash. Clean clothes piled by person, kids put away in drawers. Once they hit secondary they strip own beds and mum remakes.

I don't think it is too much to do it for the 14 year old, but perhaps the 17 year old can start doing their own.

@Pritas 🤣 Yes, strangely DD (19) was able to do her own washing all year at uni, even though I generally do it at home. Although she is literally studying rocket science so perhaps that’s why. 😂

I would just say honestly how do you think your 17yo will cope at uni if their dad thinks they shouldn’t have to do any washing now?? You need to make this normal so it’s not another challenge they face next year. I’d suggest 17yo do their own and you & dh do 14yos for a year before they do their own, with the message coming from your dh. Does he want them to be overwhelmed by adulting at college? I do not have your hang ups about period blood etc, we’ve all changed pooey nappies and undies and my husband has washed period blood out of undies, I mean if you’ve had sex on your period then he’s rubbed his knob in it too so it’s pretty silly to have hang ups, and you shouldn’t pass them to the kids.

All this angst over how will they cope at uni if they don't start doing the laundry aged 11.
It's not exactly rocket science, you could teach a 17 year old all they need to know about washing in half an hour.

Boarding school from 12 with laundry room for me and no issues... They can do their own washing they're not in the workbhouse

My 16 yr old just did a load of his washing today. Sometimes I do it for him but I've been ill and he realised it hadn't been done and he was running out of pants, so he just did it.
He did it without any fuss whatsoever because he learned how to do it a few yrs ago.
I'd teach your sdc how to do their washing then they can do it themselves or together.

I was washing my own clothes at 14. Your husband should do it if he wants someone to do it for them. He can just find the time after work can't he? Definitely the 17 year old should do their own. They shouldn't grow up to think it's women's work.

No. 4 made me laugh 😂😂

Îd just chuck it in with the family washing. It’s not that they’re too young it’s more that they are part of the family and i wouldn’t want them to feel different especially the 14 year old. My mum never made us do washing so Îm soft like her I suppose. It didn’t stop me knowing how to use a washing machine when i had my own home but I can see how you would feel differently as you were brought up doing your own washing.

Lordy! I have my 2 year old helping me hang washing up.

YANBU - either your DH does it or you teach them to do it. They are plenty old enough, especially the one who is nearly an adult!!

🙋‍♀️ I washed my own clothes starting about 12 or 13 and family towels and linens around 8 or 9. I mean it’s not rocket science to wash clothes is it?

My mum was busy and didn’t have time to do it.

Was I some sort of child prodigy and wasn’t aware?

Of course they can do their own washing!

Having said that, I tend to do everyone’s washing, because I don’t want to waste electricity and water. If I did just my and DH’s whites, for example, I’d barely have a half load so I chuck in my teenagers’ socks too.

So for me it’s about economy. I would quietly ask them to please wash out stained items themselves as they often need soaking anyway.

Same here.

I don't have step-children but I do prefer to do the family wash. I think it's terribly wasteful to do it individually. They are certainly old enough to use a washing machine themselves though

However I do see your discomfort. How often are they with you?

Both my Dc did their own washing from age 14. It stood them in good stead when they went to uni.