Stepchildren and dirty washing. AIBU?

I’m somewhere in the middle ground. If you are putting the Washing on and theirs is in the basket just do it. If they are running low on clothes or want a particular item washed they are certainly old enough to put the washing on themselves and put some of your, DH or Dc on with it.

My boys are 13 and 9. They can change and make their beds, make simple meals and know how to use a dishwasher and the washing machine! I’ve had them helping out from an early age because we are all responsible for keeping the house clean and it’s not just a job for me or their dad, especially when we work full time and our free time is mostly taken up by their sporting commitments. We don’t have them running about like Cinderella either but when we ask them to help out, they do and know how to do different jobs. Gives them ownership and stops the entitled behaviour. My eldest lives in tracksuits and hoodies and he’s hormonally sweaty, if he has clothes that need washing he will ask if a wash is going on soon or could he put one on. It works really well for everyone.

Not appropriate to touch their clothes?

When my step son was living here, I expected him to do his own washing, he was 20. He hated doing it, so he would put everything in the washing machine and then go out. Sometimes I’d let it sit there for a day… but then if I needed to use the washing machine I had to hang his clothes up to dry - which after a day in a washing machine meant they smelt a bit musty so I’d inevitably have to wash it all again. I know it sounds petty but when you are working and they are fit and capable it’s very annoying.

Completely agree with your thinking. Old enough to help with household chores. Your husband might be working, but you are enabling him to work by providing childcare and probably other household tasks. You're not a laundry service. He would have to sort laundry and care himself, alongside his work, if you weren't there.

I'm teaching my DS12 now how to wash clothes so we often put things on together.
DD15 learned last year
I still do theirs usually otherwise the washing machine would be on permanently lol but they can do it if needed

Yes, that's what I was thinking.

Just Make sure they know they can use the washer whenever they want , and that they are expected to make a full load up every time they do

With Teens - you often do need to spell things out "dads not coping with the washing but you are both old enough to help out around the home so ..."

It's useful for them when they do leave home to have basic life skills

Yes, @Inertia, we presort with separate baskets for whites, colors, towels and delicates. Then I dump in everyone’s towels together, for example.

Washing your own laundry, cleaning your room, changing and laundering your own bed linen, own ironing, cleaning kitchen and bathroom, cooking.... all basic life skills.
All of which should be well instilled by mid teens. Not doing the youngsters any favours by failing to equip them in these skills long before they leave home. How will they cope if they go to uni or college, flat share etc. when they have so many other new things to deal with.
Your husbend needa to let them / make them grow up! It's called parenting!

You might ask the 17-year-old, or their father, if he considers all machinery handling beyond them - I'd say that rules out driving lessons. then........if he insists that he is happy to ferry them about, fair enough.

Putting aside whether are old enough/you did at that age/DH should do it . Why on earth would it be inappropriate for you to wash your step kid clothes???? I wash my step kids clothes (teens) and I have been since they were little. It has never occurred to me that this could be in any way wrong. I also fold and put away stuff if they are at their mums house.

I’ve also done washing for guests when they stayed with us. Including hanging it out on the line. Unless the clothes are actually covered with poo/wee/etc I don’t see how chucking them in the machine is particularly horrible. Just wash your hands after if you feel the need or wear some gloves.

@spriots I'm like that. They only time I separate colours if it's a brand new pair of jeans or something - which may run the first couple of time they're washed.
I don't do dark wash/light wash. I just wash it all together.
I mean my daughter's primary school white shirts looked a bit grey towards the end of the year but personally I think a primary school insisting on small children wearing white is ridiculous.....
(I'm anti uniform - this was my small rebellion 😂)

Worn pants literally are dirty though?

I don’t want to handle clothing that has got someone else’s bodily fluids on it unless I have to- and the OP doesn’t have to because they are old enough to do it themselves. I honestly can’t imagine expecting someone else to deal with my bloody pants!

I'd show them both how to operate the washing machine.

Then I'd give them a hand with using the drier but dump the dried stuff on their bed to be folded.

This was you are helping but it's minimal extra effort. It also doesn't create a backlog when you need the washing machine.

If you peg out laundry then this is firmly their job! Too long for an extra chore.

In decades of not doing finicky sorting by colour, I think I have only had one item of clothing with colour run issues.

I am happy to take my chances

Looks after their two young children and saves them a fortune in childcare.

I wash similar items together as I can’t afford to replace clothing /bedding which has been washed on the wrong cycle or mixed with something which runs. It’s also more efficient, as each load only uses the required water/ temperature.

No extra time needed to sort as we have multiple labelled baskets.

Sorting clean clothes takes seconds.

You are a SAHM and you don't wash your husband's underwear? What do you do?

Yes everyone does seem to have their own approach but I did want to note that I don't sort by owner, I don't have to do any sorting because everyone just has their own basket.

I'll put my hard hat on for this but honestly in my house everybody puts the washing in the wash basket and I do the washing, it all goes in together . I genuinely don't understand this separated baskets and each doing their own. And before I'm asked yes both my kids know how to use the washing machine and how to sort laundry but it's something that I do for them .

It's not complicated. It just appears that you and others prefer to sort according to owner, I and others prefer to sort according to darks/lights/etc.

It seems that laundry is another topic like poppers in v need notice, neither way is right, but everyone has the right way for them.

Both my sons had a laundry bin in their bedroom from age 16. They were responsible for their own washing and ironing from that point onwards

Each to their own but my teens have a full load each which they do once a week. Whites are done together.
It makes it so much easier for sorting and putting away and frees me up when they do it.
I'm happy to do it for them if they're busy with stuff and exams as we're not rigid but generally, I'm happy not to be lumbered with that job weekly.

I never made my kids do their own laundry when they lived at home, yet they’re both fully functioning, successful adults. I didn’t want the washing machine going on for half a load here and half a load there, what a waste of resources. I was at home all day, it took no more effort to do their laundry than it did mine and DH’s.