Stepchildren and dirty washing. AIBU?

I think even if they do it they will still need reminding. I'm interested to know who your partner thinks is going to teach them the independence skills they need before they leave home? .

So if they still live at home when the others are 11 you’ll have a min of 18 wash loads a week prob 36 that’s completely unreasonable how your machine will be on 24/7

My 3 are 20,18 & 14. We have a communal wash basket if it's in there it gets washed. Oldest 2 are at home most just most just now so expected to do their bit including sticking on the laundry. If it's in the communal basket whoever is putting on the load just washes what's there.
If it is t in the communal basket it isn't getting washed. We are not chasing round the house looking for things to wash.

The older 2 are at home more just now so they are expected to pick up a bit of the slack while the other 3 are out all day. They are adults and all contribute to the dirty clothes they can contribute to cleaning them.

I think it’s a great idea to encourage them to do their own, however be prepared for a washing machine full of damp clothes that they forgot about… 1 item going round in the tumble dryer etc etc..
I wouldnt see it as a big deal to do their washing tbh…

why don’t you just bung it in when you do your own?

This. I really don't get the sticking point people make about laundry all the time. Who really cares? Why make it a big issue. I work full time, still find time to wash for the whole household (7 people) without turning it into massive drama.

I do the laundry; I just expect them to a) put their dirty stuff in the basket (skiddy pants and all, my hands are washable) and b) out there own washing away after it's dried.

I honestly don't understand the fuss. It's such a non-issue. People need real problems to worry about.

I think if you're a sahm being 'kept'. Y your husband then you have some household duties.
As a compromise and to support the husband whose job is financially supporting you, I would teach the kids to do it.
Give them an evening where they have no hobby eg Mondays for one Tuesday for the other that they wash their clothes on and hang to dry. Show them things like removing tissues from pockets, separating. Wednesday is the put away day.
I would give the little kids other chores appropriate for their age eg tidy up time so they can't say you are favoriting you own kids.
write it on a schedule for them with other chores and you do the little kids washing on other days.

It's not inappropriate washing somebody else's clothes, period blood etc or not. What is inappropriate is teenager who doesn't wash their own.

You really are not doing a massive disservice. Thats just a load of bull. I never did my own washing til I moved out and yet I still managed to never go out stinking or ruin my clothing.

I still managed to turn into a fully functioning adult and not putting my own wash on didn’t hold me back😂

At 14 and 17 that absolutely should do their own washing, esp the 17 year old. You’re doing them a massive disservice by not making them do it as they will learn the hard way instead ie ruined clothes, going out stinking, etc. Your husband has been doing it as that’s been easier than trying to get them started and teach them. Therefore he’s now thinking, sod it, it’s OPs turn now, and I can’t be arsed with teaching/ arguments. The they’re too young argument is his cop out. So I think the teaching has to be left with you (and it only take minutes really).

You having a thing about other people’s soiled underwear is personally a bit wierd to me when you all live in the same house and are supposed to be family but actually, it doesn’t matter and it’s almost irrelevant to the argument - in fact, I would say it doesn’t help to mention that as a reason. Instead just say you need to learn the chore, like you would cooking, or driving, and you will teach them. And get ur husband to agree to it.

Agree with you, time to do their own washing. I was doing laundry for my whole family from when I was 14/15 (not all the time). I'd start saying to them if they're not happy you're happy to show them how to use the machine, then it's up to them if they choose to do so. If they say no you do it I'd just say that's either you or your dad's job.

He's not doing them any favours..they should be able to do washing and ironing at that age
I was better at it than my mum,,I had lots of clothes as a teenager and I was ultra fussy as how they should look...ex mod..that's never left me ..I'm still fussy with the iron.

I think you’re making periods weird. Would you refuse to wash their T-shirt if they’d had a nose bleed on it? I manage to wash my toddlers poo-stained pants without touching the poo-stain. I’m sure you do too.

I can't get all this freaking out about the odd drop of blood. If people cut their knee do you treat their trousers like contaminated waste? Or is it just female blood that is so horrifying?

And as for pants generally.... How do you ever manage to go to the loo if you are that terrified of fabric that has been in the vicinity of your family members bottom?

I'm amazed at all the people who wash their own clothes or did, or expect their kids to! Totally agree they should be able to use a washing machine, but if everyone in the house does their own then the washing machine will be running all the time with tiny loads - it can't be a sensible option.

Have a communal washbin, and train the teenagers how to use the machine. Then ensure they each do at least one load a week. As PPs have suggested - they can ask you to hang it out while they are at school, or you can do a wash and get them to hang it out - make it a 'family' task. But each doing just their own few bits seems incredibly inefficient.....

And who cares about other peoples undies, really? But if you do, or they do, then I'm sure a separate washbin or two can be arranged.

You’re not being unreasonable to think you need a bit of support over this. Either they do their own washing, they are definitely not too young, or they out their washing in the basket with your stuff to be done at your pace.

RTFT. There’s your answer.

When your biological child is 14 will you be making them do their own washing? That’s your answer.

My kids are 15 and 16 and have been able to do their own washing for at least 3/4 years. For the last 18 months or so (possibly longer), they only do their washing. We will hang it out to dry if we are about and it’s finished but we don’t go to their room to get their clothes and wash them.

Ooooh I was you a few years back except I was washing their clothes from day 1, until I got fed up of being so tolerant. Nobody used to help me hang clothes or fold clothes away, so when the poop hit the fan and I exploded, the teens started washing their own stuff, ages 15 and 20.

Be aware that you will find they won't wash their clothes at all and keeping piling up, wash 1 item in a wash or over fill the washing machine AND use half a bottle of detergent AND wash the clothes for a 3 hour cycle...drove me mad too 😑

But no, they’re definitely not too young to use the washing machine. Your husband is being a wet wipe about that.

Personally, I’d prefer to chuck their clothes in with everyone else’s so that the machine is full. I do this with all the clothes in my house. The odd occasion my 16 year old has wanted to wash something specific she’s known to check if anything else from the rest of the family can go in with it or it’s just a waste and it pisses me off.

My 17 and 14 yo do not only their washing but also ours.

Too young my arse.

However, who touches the individual dirty clothes going into the washing machine? We just tip the whole basket in there, close the door and put it on. No need to handle individual items like underwear!

I agree with Willyoujustbequiet although the 17 years old is old enough since you are a SAHM it would not hurt you to do their washing, you are being petty.

Your DH is being an arse and your step children are being encouraged to be dependent/lazy/entitled.