Stepchildren and dirty washing. AIBU?

Yes there is the SAHM thing however the children told their stepmum it was her job to do it. Why do they need to be so entitled? Even if they were to bring a load down before school and say "I've got some darks that need washing, are you putting on a load that I can add them to?" You know like acting like almost adults and communicating rather than expecting someone to do everything except wipe their backside?

*shouldn't be washed together

It is a life skill they need to learn. Of course they are not too young. Stand firm and if your husband really thinks they are too young then he can find time to do it! He is not the only one who is busy he just thinks he is too big and important and manly to have to do it.

Right? Plus bedding, work out stuff. DD can do 2-3 loads.

I'm going against the grain here but if you're a SAHM and doing the washing for another child anyway then I think it's a bit petty not to.

Yes they are old enough but from both an economic and environmental perspective it makes far more sense to do everything together.

A 17 year old is old enough to drive a car, I am pretty sure they can manage to press a couple of buttons on a washing machine.

Is it his way of showing care and love?

I take your point. But offering someone else's labour is not care and love, it's staff management. He's delegating and if I was OP, I wouldn't be staff to his manager.

They aren't too young but how much time are they spending at your house - is timing going to be a factor for them doing it when it's needed. Most importantly it's totally inefficient for individuals to do their own washing in a house - it results in either lots of things which should be washed together being washed together or higher electricity & detergent costs running more loads with fewer items. There does seem to be a bit of an obsession on Mumsnet with everyone in the house doing their own washing. You can get around the underwear handling by getting them to use laundry bags for underwear which just get thrown in the machine.

And what about your husbands experience of this? I’m not saying either is right or wrong but 11 may not have a magic number in his house - he sounds like he has a very different perspective. Is it his way of showing care and love? Do you think it’s an important part of growing up to be able to figure out these chores independently? I think you need to communicate why you think it’s important for them in terms of life skills (not just washing but lots of things like cooking etc) rather than it feels a bit ick for you to touch their dirty clothes - I feel like that might be more successful!

It's a good opportunity to teach responsibility and self-care. Yes, annoying the load isn't full but if it is affordable then this is an expense worth carrying for the lesson.

Delightful. Even before this update l wouldn’t be doing it. By that age l won’t be doing it for my children so l certainly won’t do it for someone else’s children. They need to become more independent

Are they with you full time? If not then I get the timing of the wash could be inconvenient. So I think there is something to be said in that scenario for dad to make sure anything left in the basket is clean before they next arrive but when they are there they should be able to take it on.

No way, they're being lazy!

We've all got our own boundaries, fair enough, but period blood on knickers shouldn't be a point of embarrassment. You aren't handwashing or hands on.

DH has said he feels they are too young for such responsibility and asked if I can do it

I copied that as I read it because it’s utterly mad. Doesn’t he feel he’s failing as a parent if two kids that age can’t handle a washing machine?

Is this the only area where he’s babying his teenagers? I bet it’s not. Can they cook? Tidy their rooms and make their beds? Would he allow the older one to take driving lessons?

I wouldn’t actually have an issue washing anyone’s laundry, regardless of who they were, in terms of appropriateness. But I just feel they should be learning basic independence skills at that age.

Absolutely ridiculous.

They are definitely old enough to manage this themselves!

Give them a set day for their wash and show them what to do. I suggest a set day otherwise they’ll be sticking tiny loads on constantly at inconvenient times!

Either he does it or he shows them how to do it. His choice.

First, a SAHM is a luxury for BOTH people, not just the mum.

Second, chores are good for children. Doing things for them they can do themselves is therefore harmful. Useful life skills are important for self esteem, future success and an internal locus of control.

My DD at 13 proudly tells me she would be self-sufficient on her own. She can mange money, cook, do laundry, dishes, unpack a dishwasher, walk her dog, all without moaning and complaining. I know she will probably start moaning in about a year but at least she already has those skills.