Stepchildren and dirty washing. AIBU?

My kids started doing their own without any prompting from us when they were about 12. It's part of growing up, and parents that don't teach kids basic chores like this are failing them imo.

In your position I would suggest that if they need something specific washing, they let you know and leave it infront of the washer so you can do it with your next load, but otherwise they are free to do their loads when they need.

Lay down your ground rules too, ie, we stipulate that only full loads must be done, and washing should be hung out to dry when it's not wet weather (we don't use the dryer unless it's raining or very cold).

My youngest made hers and carrys it everywhere after seeing her older sisters emergency "pencil case". 😍

This - I learned it all quickly enough when I left home at 18. There was a bit of trial and error and a couple of mistakes made, but I quickly had it in hand. We’re a long time responsible adults.

Yes we do this. Normally 2 towels per person in with their wash . We definitely don't sort colours.

@spriots towels are on a higher temp I don’t put them though with clothes on 30. Maybe I’m too clinical in my dividing up but towels 90 or 60 like bed linen. Clothes 30 or 40 degrees with comfort. I guess we all have different requirements to do washing.

But the previous poster was suggesting that if you did laundry per person, each person would use 2 towels a week and wash each one separately...

Which they clearly wouldn't. They would put their towel in with some of their other clothes or with their sheets

@spriots because many teenagers and adults use more than 1 towel each shower/bath. We have 4 adults I just laundered 10 towels from this week.

Setting aside the colour separation which I don't bother with, why would each person run the washing machine for one towel at a time? That would go in with their whites or darks. Ditto the bed linen

The op has answered this.

However - they are not her biological children. They are her husbands though, so why can’t he wash their clothes if he believes them to be so incapable.

In my house. Ds who are 8 and 9 their washing gets done together. They share clothes anyway.

Dd fills her basket up tends to get wash done on a Friday/Saturday because of school uniform.

Teen ds sorts himself I have nothing to do with his washing.

Then there's my own wash. Plus a bedding and towel wash

Average 4/5 washes a week.

@spriots

There are 6 of them in the house each doing their own washing
Towels each person twice a week =12
bedlinen once a week = 6
dark load = 6
whites = 6
mixed etc/ pe kit =6

36 loads

They aren't too young to put on a wash, but they are too young to be expected to be completely independent. So you need to meet in the middle. I strongly suspect you'll still help your biological dc out with laundry at 14.

Generally I'd say it's their dad's responsibility to help them stay organised, but if you are a sahm I actually think the odd prompt or hand with the laundry isn't a huge ask.

What? Why would there be 36 loads of laundry?

There are four of us and we do each person's laundry separately - every week we do: a load per person, 1-2 household loads (towels/sheets), and maybe an extra one for swim kit. 7 loads a week max.

I mean we aren't the sorts to separate laundry by Dulux colour strips so maybe if you do, you can get up to 36...

All four of mine have commented on how some of their uni students struggled with basics like cooking and washing. So I'd argue it does hold you back until you learn. So why not learn early?

I agree and also with the poster who said that their mum did their washing until they left home and it never held them back. Same for me. My mum did my washing until I was 21 which is when I moved away from home. Even then she would stick a load on when she came to visit!

I also think it is bizarre to make a difference between biological children and other children in this way - I can't imagine that would create a homely environment for them.

@Lri I do agree older kids should be able to do their own washing. But if they were your own children and not step children would you do their washing ?

My kids did their own laundry from when they went to senior school and were responsible for changing their own sheets. It's not difficult to load & operate a washing machine!

Meaning everyone shares the chores not saying OP should do it all everyone contributes. Just if child a is putting a load on should be everyone’s not just her own stuff. Just my opinion

They ARE your children too. I'd probably expect to do 50% of their washing. My Mum always did mine, bless her... And happily do a bin bag full when I came to visit from Uni too. She taught me so much about stain removal.

I taught my DC how to remove stains and now they've moved out they enthuse about the washer/dryer where they live and refuse to bring home washing. Teach them how to wash their own clothes but be kind too. If you're putting a wash on, having their bits and pieces in it too really doesn't add much work.

TBH, I'm really impressed that you don't have to hunt out dirty underwear from their rooms because they don't have any clean. If they're putting it into dirty laundry baskets they sound pretty well trained already. But if they're whinging about a top not being washed then they really need to get their act together.

This nails it!

Not a chance would I be washing their clothes!

Ds17 has been doing his own washing for past couple of years .

Dd is 13 she puts her clothes in the machine and turns it on. I take it out and hang it to dry.

I want them to do it to learn independence.life skills etc. I feel its important for ds I don't want him to think mums/woman/wife do everything for the male.

Clothes don't get segregated here. A wash goes on and it has everyone's clothes in it. I'd have no problem teaching them how to put on a wash including their own clothes, but I'd find it ridiculous if they only washed their own clothes. Equally I find it strange that you say you don't want to touch their dirty clothes. How dirty are they?!

Underwear? Understandable. But general every day clothes? Not a problem.

Teach them to use the machine but to wash all clothes. You are a SAHM so will likely be doing the bulk of the washing as you are there the most hours.

But I find it petty that you'd simply refuse to do their washing.

You are family! we all work together and support one another

Mmmmm interesting view point - OP is expected to ‘work as a family’ and do their washing - what are the girls bringing to the table?

I wonder if the attitude will be the same if one of you ever gets sick or incapacitated. Everyone should know and be capable of washing. No one should moan that something isn’t washed as they are capable but. You are family! we all work together and support one another.

Watching this thread with interest as I’m in the throws of getting my 3 adult kids to do their own washing ! With mixed results ! Oldest DS has come back home after living away at uni so no way am I starting doing his washing which he has done for 3 yrs! DD will do her own washing when required. Basically she would have clothes all over her room& when cleaning her room would have at least one load so she would just crack on & load the machine! Other times her clothes would just be in the basket & I would do them.

DS2 18 is a nightmare! He will just bring a huge pile of dirty clothes dump them in /around the Laundry basket and walk away! Then moan he’s no clean boxers!

Enough was enough so bought them laundry bags for their rooms and told them to crack on! It’s still early days and I’ll help out by hanging a load out for them etc if I’m home & they’re going out ! Doing laundry for 5 adults (DH is wheelchair bound & can do very little to help out) is a huge chore & I work and care for my DH too ! It’s the least my kids can do to help with the running of the home !