To be worried about ds following nursery comments?

We went through this as and it's so hard! Especially when everyone else's little darlings are toddling around nicely and being charming.

Getting the message over is hard at this age. Try the Hands are not for hitting books and don't panic too much.

He's only 18 months. It's nothing you have or haven't done, it's just he can't yet verbally express how he's feeling so he's doing it another way.
Obviously it's not ideal but there's no reason to assume he won't grow out of it. If he doesn't do it at home it's difficult but if he does it to other children you need to be firmly telling him no, telling him to use kind hands and explain he's made the other child sad.
He's learning. Don't assume ASD, two of mine are autistic and didn't pinch.

Hi @Kenuppp, my DS2 went through this at the same age. His older brother and sister had never hurt another child, so it was a shock to me, and I found it so stressful. The phase lasted for several months (between around 18m and 26m), but then it stopped. He's now a kind, gentle, happy, well-behaved 14yo - honestly I never thought I'd be saying that!

For us, the most effective thing was to give him ONE warning and then, if he hit or pushed someone again, take him straight home - even if we had just arrived or paid to enter. Obviously this won't work at nursery but you could try it at soft play.

This can be very normal in toddlers and is often a phase. He is learning boundaries and expression, what is his and what needs to be shared, learning about different moods and emotions. But he's only 18 months old and so can't quite navigate all this new territory yet! Please don't worry, just work with the nursery and teach him in an age appropriate way about being gentle and no pushing/pinching. I have two boys, my 2 year old is currently going through a hitting/pushing phase. I'm very much monitoring it and teaching him, but I'm not worried. My eldest is now 6 and also went through similar phase at that age and has long since grown out of it. 18 months is very young, try not to worry OP

Totally normal behaviour for his age. Testing boundaries. All toddlers are little ego ists and some just display it a bit more than others. At this age you just remove him from situations until he gets the picture. At a play group or soft play and he's violent, you pick up and remove so he knows he can't play if he acts like that. Try and find a way to explain how we are kind and gentle as best as he understands.
Is he coming down with something?
Mine was about to be put on a behaviour plan at nursery but then he was really ill for a few weeks with a bad fever and flu like symptoms and then as soon as he was better his behaviour improved.

I would also say that a higher percentage of our neurotypical children are pushers than neurodiverse so not a sign of that either.

Coming on to comment, I work in a preschool, lots of children go through this phase, my own son included. It was awful at the time he would push or hit anyone in his personal space, he also had great speech and could express himself well so wasn't really a reason he just grew out of it. My other 3 children didn't do it so it wasn't parenting.

Preschool will probably just keep an eye on him, model good behaviour and praise him when he is doing it right! I would do the same at home, if he goes to push stop him, get him to say excuse me or walk round etc and basically refocus what he is trying to do. I still do this daily with 4 year olds so please do not panic, they still can't share, it very difficult for them and negotiating situations is something you wouldn't expect for a couple of years with a lot more speech and social development.

Don't worry OP he is just a baby and it is totally instinctive to hit when someone is in your personal space or to snatch something you want. As adults we have to teach them this is not OK. I wouldn't waste my breath explaining it cos he won't understand, its just a hard no and immediate consequence. They need to be trained much like a dog, they will see the pattern when I do this thing, that consequence happens but when I don't do that, it doesn't. That's all. All you can do it make sure he understands the word no or whatever chosen word they use so there is consistency. Another strategy that helps is if someone is playing with his toy at your house hold his hand or touch him somewhere saying 'good sharing' or another term of affection throughout to let him know that by just standing there doing nothing he is being good. Lots of positive affirmation for good behaviour should help. Please don't worry or read between the lines. It's far too early for that.

A bit of an overreaction for 18 months I think 😀 They are learning EVERYTHING and appropriate behaviour and reactions. He has found that this particular action gets his way and now he needs to learn it’s not acceptable.

At this age, a very firm ‘no, we do not push/pinch’ and then you remove him from the situation/remove the toy etc so he learns it does not get the desired effect.

So when you've seen him do it at soft play, what did you do? How did you respond?

I don't think any 18 month old ever likes sharing! You just have to reiterate things like, "X is playing with that now, you can have a go in a minute," and where necessary enforce taking turns etc. They get it in the end, but it takes time.

No not all all just from that. Loads of toddlers at the playgroups we go to pinch and nip, it will be developmental, it's just that many of the children I work with will be at a much earlier stage developmentally than most children their age.

It sounds very much like a form of communication then, and he's a quick learner as he's realised the size differential gives him an advantage 😉

Not ideal of course, but I would feel even less worried about there being a long term problem. As others have said, removal and a firm 'No, we don't hit/push' etc. No lectures; he won't learn the important message.

To keep progressing his speech, go for a walk and talk, if he doesn't enjoy a story, or dance and sing to a song. Nursery rhymes are awesome too!

You are getting carried away, there isn't a deep seated trauma or neurological reason he's doing it, he's not an adult like you. He's 18m and the first time he did it, got a reaction he liked. Maybe a squeal, maybe a kid to move out the way, who knows.

You just parent this, associate it with a negative reaction, taking him out of soft play, looking disappointed.

Usually children are physical because they can't talk very well; it's a form of communication.

There's an outside chance it will be due to something with longer term implications, but at 18 months old I think you're worrying prematurely.

Possible early signs of being ND are making limited eye contact, not responding to his name or what you say to him (but this could be due to hearing too), or regressing in a skill already acquired.

Totally normal OP. The book "hands are not for hitting" and others in that series were helpful for us, even with tiny ones like yours. Very simple and repetitive, and they have some ideas of ways to deal with it in the back too.

He is far too young for that to be a concern. He is still a baby! It's totally developmentally normal for him to be a bit shovey and grabby.

I say this as the parent of an autistic teenager btw so I do know a bit about it.

I can’t understand why he would be doing it if no other kids are?

He's doing it because he's 18 months and hasn't yet learned about personal space, boundaries, sharing and being kind. It's a normal part of development, just model good behaviour, get down to his level and say no firmly when necessary.

Oh, and ignore anyone who tells you 'no other kids' do it. They are lying.

Would depend on the child but if he isn't interested in stories then that's likely not the way to go.

I take him to lots of social situations where he might do this and watch him very closely, you may notice cues he does before this (possibly not) but anytime you see him go to do something I would try to catch and re-direct it without actually giving the behaviour any attention. So you see him lift his hand to potentially pinch and take it and stroke your jumper with it and say, 'wow, feel how soft this is', or something along those lines. Basically so he's not reinforcing the behaviour by repeatedly doing it but he's also not getting any response for the behaviour itself but is getting attention for doing something else, if that makes sense?
Ive not actually done this with an 18month old as it wasn't something that happened with my DD but I work with children with ASN, many being non-verbali, and have had to deal with behaviours like this a lot. I find preventing it from happening while redirecting their focus has been the most effective way to discourage such behaviours with many of the kids I've worked with (hasn't worked for all and have needed different approaches for some so just generally speaking).

What do you mean by "sharing"?

18 month olds are babies. "Sharing" isn't really a concept they understand when it comes to toys etc because they simply aren't developmentally capable of the empathy that it requires. There are skills you can model and encourage to help them develop empathy but pushing them to "share" can be counter productive!

This article explains it well

He's unable to express himself any other way. He doesn't do it at home because he doesn't need to but when other children of a similar size there he pushes and shoves to get to what he wants.

Keep reinforcing the right way to behave at home and maybe take him to the park or soft play where he can play near other children under close supervision - I do mean close he musn't hurt the other children obviously. Model the right way to behave.

Children this age can't play co-operatively but he can learn to play side by side.