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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect my working from home to be respected

337 replies

footballinthepub · 20/06/2024 18:58

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

OP posts:
HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 20/06/2024 23:09

It might be 'your home' but that only applies as long as your parents are willing to have you there. Nobody has a legal obligation to provide housing for a twentysomething child.

AGoingConcern · 20/06/2024 23:07

Your dad's being a bit of an arse but ultimately you don't have any leverage here since it's his office in his house - he has the power to be an arse if he chooses. You said you "contribute money to the house" but unless that's at least close to market rent then you really have nothing to stand on unfortunately. It sounds like the arrangement he agreed to with you living & working there has run on longer than expected and he's pushing you out.

  1. Prioritize moving out. Find a place to rent that is within your budget even if you don't love it.
  2. Take a hard look at whether you can feasibly work out of your bedroom on days you're WFH
  3. Talk to your employer about working in the office 4-5 days per week in the short-term due to a temporary lack of private work space at home.
  4. Actively manage your work schedule to put more sensitive calls on your in-office days
  5. Acknowledge to your parents that you've been there longer than planned and you working out of the house regularly is an imposition. Offer to increase the amount you're contributing each month.
Ottervision · 20/06/2024 23:06

Also, who is actually charging their children market rent? Why are we saying oh well you're not paying market rent as if anyone should be. Of course she's not paying market rent. She's living with her parents not a landlord.

Sossijiz · 20/06/2024 23:02

Working from home is great, but is not really viable unless you have your own home to work from. Why can't you go into the office?

BillieJ · 20/06/2024 22:56

I'm not saying your dad is in the right, and I WFH, so I get how annoying it must be. But you are living in his home, so I agree with those who say find a job where you don't have to WFH, or speak to your line manager and see if you can work in the office every day.

Walkden · 20/06/2024 22:56

The trouble of using a "storage space" as an office is that now you need things you stored there.

I notice you say you make a financial contribution to the house...what form of contribution is this. Market Rent and split of bills or a token contribution to the weekly shop etc?

I suspect that your living costs are very being very heavily subsidised by your Dad /parents and it does sound unreasonable for you to start dictating which parts of the house he has paid for he is allowed to use.

By WFH people save commuting costs and the employer perhaps saves office costs but your dad is not benefitting is he?

Your options are like others have said is to use your bedroom, stop WFH and go to the office ,move out and start standing on your own 2 feet.

OriginalUsername2 · 20/06/2024 22:52

Just move to your bedroom. He surely doesn’t just burst in there?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/06/2024 22:51

He is right tho, it is his house
and your home.

Ottervision · 20/06/2024 22:50

GingerPirate · 20/06/2024 22:48

No.
A different generation, born in a Communist country and usually out by the age of 20, due
to parental abuse, which was considered "normal".

And yet you're berating op? Why are you not pleased things are different?

Ottervision · 20/06/2024 22:49

RawBloomers · 20/06/2024 22:46

It’s quite possible for people you love to be annoying, or for their lifestyle to negatively impact yours. She’s working - in a room that her DF has things in that he requires. How does it being a storage room mean it’s not disruptive to restrict access? People need things from where they’ve been stored.

OP is living in her parents’ place for her own benefit, not theirs.

I'm aware of that. It's unusual to be feel as strongly as her dad does that he can't just.... wait until her call ends.

Op is their child at the end of the day. He can be frustrated by it but there's absolutely no reason to act like such a twat. He can use his words to express his emotions like a grown up, and not act like an overgrown baby.

There isn't some weird rule that you must start acting like a tosser when your children turn 18.

GingerPirate · 20/06/2024 22:48

Ottervision · 20/06/2024 22:29

A different generation who enjoyed affordable housing and a completely different workplace environment?

I see.

No.
A different generation, born in a Communist country and usually out by the age of 20, due
to parental abuse, which was considered "normal".

RawBloomers · 20/06/2024 22:46

Ottervision · 20/06/2024 21:58

She's literally working in a storage room. How disruptive. What an arsehole. Why do people have kids if they genuinely hate them like this? It's baffling. If she was trashing his house or disrespecting them or whatever then yeah of course, but like.... she's working.

It’s quite possible for people you love to be annoying, or for their lifestyle to negatively impact yours. She’s working - in a room that her DF has things in that he requires. How does it being a storage room mean it’s not disruptive to restrict access? People need things from where they’ve been stored.

OP is living in her parents’ place for her own benefit, not theirs.

Ottervision · 20/06/2024 22:39

Whizzgosh · 20/06/2024 22:37

Well it depends if you have an area in your house that nobody else wants to use. I don’t and obviously neither does op.

I mean, she does. It's literally a storage room. Her dad is just being difficult. But I would say to use her bedroom anyway so he has no reason to come in.

It is more difficult if you don't have a space nobody else wants to use but unless you're on back to back calls literally all day, it's still doable with a bit of common sense.

Whizzgosh · 20/06/2024 22:37

Ottervision · 20/06/2024 21:36

I really don't get this if you're just in a room in the house? I just tell my child and husband not to come in but they can use the rest of the house perfectly fine?

Well it depends if you have an area in your house that nobody else wants to use. I don’t and obviously neither does op.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 20/06/2024 22:36

I had this crap with my parents. There was no happy medium. I glad I moved out when I did to get that freedom. Yes, I was paying a hell of a lot more, but had that freedom and peace. It will come.

rainingsnoring · 20/06/2024 22:35

sprigatito · 20/06/2024 21:19

You'll get lots of "his house, his rules" responses but I don't know anyone who would treat their adult child like this. Most of us want our adult children to do well and thrive. It's not hard to work around someone needing an uninterrupted space if you actually have any respect for what they are doing. Your dad is childish, spiteful and weird.

Exactly. Only a nasty, spiteful person would behave as the dad is behaving. He has no respect or consideration for his adult daughter. Has he always been such a nasty and childish man @footballinthepub or is this something recent?

Ottervision · 20/06/2024 22:29

GingerPirate · 20/06/2024 22:27

Yes, possibly.
On the other hand, living at home with your parents at "mid twenties" isn't ideal, neither
is "working from home".
However, I'm a different generation.

A different generation who enjoyed affordable housing and a completely different workplace environment?

I see.

BrownTroutBluesAgain · 20/06/2024 22:28

Sounds like this is all new for your dad and he doesn’t like being bared from a room he uses.
so the quickest and easiest solutions are
Don’t work from home
or use your bedroom.

personally I’d chose to use the bedroom

GingerPirate · 20/06/2024 22:27

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 20/06/2024 21:49

Massive sweeping generalisation.

Yes, possibly.
On the other hand, living at home with your parents at "mid twenties" isn't ideal, neither
is "working from home".
However, I'm a different generation.

orangegato · 20/06/2024 22:24

Your father.. Jesus what a prick. He’s the man of the house and fuck you and your job. I’d expand my search to as far away from him as possible. Good luck flat hunting!

Wigtopia · 20/06/2024 22:23

PickledPurplePickle · 20/06/2024 19:04

It's not your Dad's problem to resolve, it's his house - you need to find a solution

But her dad is the problem and OP has given him a solution he doesn’t want. He is actively deciding to be an arse and to not knock on the door before going in. OP isn’t suggest that he doesn’t disturb her at all, his asking that he knocks first.

Lavenderflower · 20/06/2024 22:15

I don't understand why some people have children.

take10yearsofmylife · 20/06/2024 22:14

Oh gorsh I must be super tolerant, i work from home pretty much full time in my bedroom, people come in and out as they please, thank goodness I dont put my camera on unless i really have to. Yes, it's really annoying especially when husband taking lunch time nap when I have meeting - he snores, so as my dog 😤

I really think you need to move out asap if this bothers you.

Lavenderflower · 20/06/2024 22:14

I found some comments of the strange. I think the concept of a family home is lost on someone people. It seems some people view their children as guest or strangers. I want my child to be happy and successful. I would be supporting my child if they were working, trying to build a career and saving up to buy a property. I would rather they save up than rent. It seems like the dad is trying to sabotage the daughter.

piningforautumn · 20/06/2024 22:11

It's a shame, but for whatever reason, he's decided that he doesn't respect your work enough to knock. As so many have suggested, I'd start working in your bedroom, or if you know in advance when calls will come in, don't have too many calls in a day, and can easily move, just take calls there.

YANBU to wish your own father respected you enough to help you succeed in your career (by the simple, gracious act of not barging in without knocking first), but you can't change him. If this is who he is, you'll just have to work around his peculiarities and get out of there ASAP.

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