Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset with my 5 year old

84 replies

Dumbleydork · 20/06/2024 18:43

I know he's only 5, but honestly I could cry this evening. In fact I have and I feel so pathetic.

DS has been hassling me for weeks about putting him in this sports club. He did a trial a few weeks ago and loved it, so really wanted to go back. I was reluctant, because I didn't want to spend more money and it's a right pain to get to after school, particularly when working full time. But, he loved it, so after checking constantly over the past 2 weeks, I booked him on it. I've paid for the rest of the month (along with an extra £20 for some t-shirt...), and he left today going "actually, I don't want to go anymore. I've changed my mind." This is after I've paid. Fuming.

Anyways, that isn't what's really upset me. Apparently the reason he doesn't want to go is because at the end, they do a fun "race to your parent for a hug". He didn't want to hug me. I then asked "well if Daddy took you would you want to go", and he said "I like hugging daddy he's my best friend." He couldn't explain why he didn't want to hug me. He wasn't emotional about it, actually quite cold!

I have a great relationship with my DS, at least I thought he did, but he never wants to hug me anymore or give me a kiss or show me any sort of affection. Yesterday he told me Daddy is awesome and so much fun and I'm boring.

What's also really infuriating is when I asked "why don't you want to hug me?" and "are there other reasons you don't want to go back"... he just said "erm, ermmmm, erm, I don't know", followed by "I forgot." He always says this when I try and get him to explain how he feels. I know he's only, 5 but I want to understand what he's feeling and he can never tell me. Is this normal?

I think I'm particularly emotional about this because I try so hard. We have an 8 month old baby, I work full time but really long days just to make sure I can take him to the activities he wants to go to, and be there with him to play after school and sort dinner etc. I'm exhausted just trying to fit it all in. I know this sounds so stupid but, I just want my son to enjoy spending time with me. Or at the very least, be able to say more than "I don't know" when I ask him about his feelings 🥺

OP posts:
Giveupnow · 20/06/2024 18:59

It will 99% be due to the new baby, even if he seems fine or like he has adjusted. Mine was younger but was just a fuming ball of rage at me for well over a year. Loved her brother, loved daddy and everyone else but was cross at me.

Errors · 20/06/2024 18:59

Normal, OP. I read somewhere that they push away the parent they are the most secure with when they start wanting a bit of independence.

Lolapusht · 20/06/2024 18:57

Totally normal at that age. You’re his mum, your love is taken for granted and isn’t something he needs to think about because it’s there unconditionally. Don’t try and get him to quantify his love for you.

Have you taught him how to speak about emotions and not just the good ones? If he doesn’t have the words to describe his feelings then he’s not going to be able to tell you anything. One of mine needs to do other things while having difficult conversations so I give him space to do that when I’m talking to him about how he feels.

meltedchocolateandstrawberries · 20/06/2024 18:55

Surely just tell him he doesn't have to hug you at the end? I get it's upsetting but you can't put that onto him. He's too young to understand or articulate why he feels that way so you just need to take the pressure off. It's just a phase.

DeathEcho · 20/06/2024 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Roundroundthegarden · 20/06/2024 18:51

Aww it's completely due to the baby op. He's also going through a huge change and you being his safe space for so long, well he's lashing out. Really don't take it so personally as I'm sure many will tell you the same.

Thedogscollar · 20/06/2024 18:49

How was he before the baby came along? Do you think he's a bit jealous as you are doing a lot with a newborn so his Dad is now his go to parent.
I'm sure he loves you just as much as he always did. This sounds completely normal.

tinymeteor · 20/06/2024 18:48

Poor you, you sound tired out. Take a deep breath, it's really normal at that age for kids to have a preference for one parent or other. It sucks for the non-favourite parent, and it can really hit a nerve, but the best thing is to act like it's no big deal, remember that it will pass.

As for expressing his feelings, you've got to take the pressure off! "I forgot" means "I don't think I want to talk about this because I'm worried i'll upset you". Get your other half to give you a big hug instead.

ThisNaiceLemonSloth · 20/06/2024 18:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.