Living donor dilemma

I would, and I've given my family clear instructions that if I die, I want to be a donor. It doesn't mean that I'd support taking an organ out of a very much alive OP.

Does happen here not uncommonly. There's no legal enforcement though I know of someone in a chain where an individual got their kidney then their relative pulled out the chain so others lost out bit nothing they can do

Sometimes we do. Non functioning kidneys are prone to infections or ruptured kidneys from trauma are often removed....

If you are not a match, your children wouldn't be, would they.

But if they are, whether or not to donate is their choice. Nothing to do with you.

I would never have forgiven my parents if they had denied me the chance to save my cousin's life. I would never have spoken to them again

Ah I know how the scheme works - that's how I donated here in the US. I just haven't heard of it happening in the UK via the NHS, and my relatives who are in the UK haven't mentioned it.

If you aren't a match for a family member but are a match for someone else's family member you can donate to someone else, their family member donates to someone else and it all goes round in a circle until your family member gets a kidney.
eg. Person A needs a kidney. Person A's sister wants to donate but isn't a match so donates to Person B who needs a kidney. Person B's family member isn't a match for Person B but is a match for an unrelated Person C so Person C gets Person B's family member's kidney. Person C's family member isn't a match for Person C but is for Person A so Person C's family member donates their kidney to Person A, thus closing the circle, all three people get kidneys and all three people are able to donate, albeit not directly to their family member.

It's organized through the transplant service somehow.

What's the domino scheme that people are talking about? I haven't heard of it, and I have a relative in the UK awaiting a kidney.

I know nothing other than a donor kidney is needed

Which reminds me to say that, while I understand their desperation, this is a hell of a thing to ask from someone to whom you're not even close

As for asking via whatsapp ... it's a minor point in the bigger picture I guess, but TBH that doesn't sound very appropriate to me either. This isn't about a vague get together but a huge, life altering decision, and the fact they seem unable or unwilling to approach you personally wouldn't bode well even if you'd been keen to do it

They do sometimes remove damaged kidneys that no longer work. They won't remove one that still has adequate blood flow to it though.

The domino situation sounds great for people who want to donate but aren't a match. Their loved one still gets a kidney.

If the op uses the excuse of not being a match then the sibling could pressure her to sign up for a potential domino situation so the op needs to make it clear she doesn't meet the criteria full stop.

They dont remove the kidneys when they stop working, Not even if you get a transplant

A colleague of mine was interviewed for potential domino / 3 way swap ie she might donate a kidney to X in exchange for someone else donating to her mum

She was impressed that there was no pressure at all. They assured her that if she didn't want to go ahead, for any reason, then they could always find a reason, so she could tell her Mum that she offered but wasn't suitable

OP didn’t say she was opposed to organ donation, or that she wouldn’t donate herself. She said she won’t donate to her DN.

@fungipie still no.

That does not oblige OP, or indeed anyone, to donate organs.

Didn't say it was. I'm a Dr, I put in dialysis lines for a living and working 5y on icu dialysing people.... I'm well aware it a diabolically crap existence, was purely correcting that they wouldn't have been immediately dead had they donated

We are talking about a 14 year old here- with a whole life ahead- potentially.

Nasty undertones? Have you ever been a desperate parent with a child needing a life-saving organ?

But yes, I shall be straight here. Would you accept a donor organ if you ever need one. What about blood, or bone marrow? I strongly believe that all other things being equal (close match, age, pontential recovery, etc) donors should have priority.

OP has explained very clearly why they feel it's inappropriate and why they must protect themselves. Even without those very good reasons, giving a kidney is a HUGE thing to do.

I'd only give my organs to my DH or DS. I wouldn't risk my life for anyone else and I wouldn't expect anyone else to risk their life for me either.

I don’t think it’s wasting NHS time to at least make contact with the service and let them help deliver the message that your family isn’t suitable for donation. They facilitate live donation so they also support families who have issues surrounding that.

If you don’t want to give your sister false hope then you have to tell her now that it’s not going to happen. Wether you tell her it’s because you don’t want to be involved rather than because you can’t be involved is up to you, but personally I think I’d choose the option that didn’t leave my sibling feeling like I don’t care if their child lives or dies.

It would be heartbreaking wouldn't it. Imagine the guilt you would feel.

This.

I'd feel terribly sad but my own children are my priority.

Can you imagine taking a donation from someone only for them to die of kidney related complications?

You have to ask this question because of the risk of a genetic issue and the psychologocal impact

From personal experience being in dialysis for a year it isn't much of a life esp when younger with a life to live, tied to a machine either every night (like me at home for 8 hours every single night) or at a hospital three times a week, putting everything on hold, having to drink very little (almost nothing for some days) watching your friends and loved one enjoy life while you have to say no to many things. Of course there are high points but to say you can live for years whilst correct it's not any sort of life I would wish on anyone.