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Original poster

6 year child - stranger talking about her penis

434 replies

hermenmumster · 20/06/2024 09:58

Trigger warning : sensitive topic around Gender Identity

I was at a work event (private garden - bring family along deal) and someone there is a transgender woman- she was tall, bearded ,hirsuite and wearing a dress and heels.
My daughter (6) was roaming around with the other kids and i think must have asked the lady why she was wearing a dress.
She explained that she ´was born a man with a willy , and is now a lady ’

Something jarred in me about a grown person talking about gentalia to a 6 year old child.
What does the mumsnet think?
AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Original poster
hermenmumster · 20/06/2024 11:49

AGlinnerOfHope · 20/06/2024 11:46

I don't think there is necessarily a predatory underlying motive for the conversation, I'd see it as another example of having absolutely no healthy boundaries.

Clearly he has no boundaries, so thinks the six year old girl can hear about his being born with a penis.

And that's why we need boundaries.

yes I think think so

OP posts:
Original poster
hermenmumster · 20/06/2024 11:48

Singersong · 20/06/2024 11:45

YABVVVVVVU for saying "her penis".

i guess I don't want to get into the trans debate. How people want to live their life is their business. It is about mentioning a penis to my child. Someone upthread mentioned how i would feel if a grown conventional male mentioned his penis to her. I would be plain livid and less confused

OP posts:
AGlinnerOfHope · 20/06/2024 11:46

I don't think there is necessarily a predatory underlying motive for the conversation, I'd see it as another example of having absolutely no healthy boundaries.

Clearly he has no boundaries, so thinks the six year old girl can hear about his being born with a penis.

And that's why we need boundaries.

hermenmumster · 20/06/2024 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Singersong · 20/06/2024 11:45

YABVVVVVVU for saying "her penis".

Original poster
hermenmumster · 20/06/2024 11:44

@IncognitoUsername she only told me when I got home. I explained that we will not be seeing that person again and grown ups shouldn't be talking about private parts to her. i emphasised she did absolutely nothing wrong. She hasnt spoken about it for 48 hours now

OP posts:
ChildcarePanicStations · 20/06/2024 11:44

i think must have asked the lady why she was wearing a dress.

Why would would you write this?
Its a man with a sexual fetish or desperate desire for specialness in a dress.

I'd have told him to refrain from discussing his gentials with my child.

At 6 they should be learning not to ask these sorts of questions butttt i really wouldnt expect perfection in terms of etiquette at 6....

Needanewname42 · 20/06/2024 11:42

Why even call themselves trans?
Bloke in a dress end off, beard he's not even trying to pass as female.

Be a guy in a frock 👗, be a lassies in jeans👖
If more did it nobody would care just the same as nobody cares about a female in jeans.

But I'd be wary of this individual near my child he could easily have said - I'm a guy but I love dresses 👗- was he getting a kick from chatting to a child???

IAmAnAdultHumanFemale · 20/06/2024 11:37

I hope it's not true like I said however if men can impose themselves in lesbian dating sites, use our bathrooms, take our place in sports and insist they are women I wouldn't be surprised if it were

Original poster
hermenmumster · 20/06/2024 11:36

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 20/06/2024 11:11

I'd probably explain it as "That person's mummy obviously never explained the pants are private body safety rules. How did that person make you feel? Uncomfortable and not good? Hmmm... I think that might have been a tricky person, let's steer clear of them. Well done for trusting your gut."

thank you this is really helpful

OP posts:
IncognitoUsername · 20/06/2024 11:36

hermenmumster · 20/06/2024 11:35

actually it did. I am really in turmoil about it and need advice from other mothers. The fact you think it is made up actually is distressing in itself for me as it means that it is a really shocking thing (too shocking to believe) to have happened to my daughter :-(

Show quote history

So what did you do about it at the time?

MarkWithaC · 20/06/2024 11:36

Shan5474 · 20/06/2024 11:12

I think it’s a clear and kind of engaging way to explain the issue to a child in one sentence. They probably assumed you had openly discussed the existence of genitalia to your child.
Is it that this person was talking about their penis in particular or that they mentioned penises at all? For example if your child had gone up to a man and asked about genders, and the man said “they are women born with willies” vs him saying “I’m a man and I have a willy”

You shouldn't assume anything if the unknown child of an unknown person asks you something.
I don't see the difference between your two example sentences. In this context there was NO need for the word 'willy' at all. He could/should have just said he likes wearing dresses.

Original poster
hermenmumster · 20/06/2024 11:35

KreedKafer · 20/06/2024 10:55

LOL at responses from people who actually believe this is a thing that genuinely happened.

actually it did. I am really in turmoil about it and need advice from other mothers. The fact you think it is made up actually is distressing in itself for me as it means that it is a really shocking thing (too shocking to believe) to have happened to my daughter :-(

OP posts:
Original poster
hermenmumster · 20/06/2024 11:33

MarkWithaC · 20/06/2024 10:42

Did you actually hear this man saying this? Only asking as obviously young children might relay things wrong.
Assuming the answer is yes, I would definitely look askance at an adult (of whichever sex and in any sort of clothes) using genitalia words to a child unless it made sense/was necessary in the context.

no but my daughter genuinely never embellishes . I know her very well..

OP posts:
x2boys · 20/06/2024 11:32

KreedKafer · 20/06/2024 10:55

LOL at responses from people who actually believe this is a thing that genuinely happened.

Agree.

Original poster
hermenmumster · 20/06/2024 11:30

ASighMadeOfStone · 20/06/2024 10:16

Two wrongs don't make a right.

The transwoman had no need to talk to a 6 year old about penises.

The 6 year old should be told it's rude to ask such personal questions.

(I'm GC)

but is it rude to ask why a bearded man in wearing a dress? It is an innocent question. Like why is your hair blue? Why have you got a nose ring? she is 6!

OP posts:
SwedeCarrotLimes · 20/06/2024 11:29

IncognitoUsername · 20/06/2024 11:25

As OP has not been back, I’m thinking this was another attempt to get MN into the Mail or Mirror.

Hold on to your tinfoil hat it's only been 90 mins lol.

IAmAnAdultHumanFemale · 20/06/2024 11:28

CocoapuffPuff · 20/06/2024 10:53

A simple "I like dresses, they make me feel pretty" would suffice. Wonder why willies were mentioned?

This has made me shudder

Pretty?

its like the drag queens reading to little kids. Funny you don't see them going into care homes and reading to the elderly eh?

IncognitoUsername · 20/06/2024 11:25

As OP has not been back, I’m thinking this was another attempt to get MN into the Mail or Mirror.

ahagiraffe · 20/06/2024 11:25

As a child, I was always told not to talk to adult strangers. You can't do much about the adult at the party but you can reinforce this message with your child, to increase her safety.

Robin198 · 20/06/2024 11:25

ASighMadeOfStone · 20/06/2024 10:16

Two wrongs don't make a right.

The transwoman had no need to talk to a 6 year old about penises.

The 6 year old should be told it's rude to ask such personal questions.

(I'm GC)

I have no idea what GC means but 6 year old children are my area of professional speciality and it’s entirely age & stage appropriate for a 6 year old to question this.

The child is making sense of the world- this includes genders and ‘norms’ such as clothing. It was not a rude question it was a child understanding the world around them.

SwedeCarrotLimes · 20/06/2024 11:25

The transwoman shouldn't have been talking about genitalia or even their gender identity to a 6 year old (especially one they don't know). Some men presumably enjoy wearing dresses so gender identity has no relevance.

Why couldn't they simply have answered because they like wearing dresses or that lots of different people enjoy wearing dresses? At least that would have answered the childs queery in a more subtle and sensitive manner.

Megifer · 20/06/2024 11:23

Annoyed? I'd have said "I'm sorry, did I just hear you talking to my child about your penis? Why?"

Quite loudly.

FOJN · 20/06/2024 11:21

HIS penis.

It's grossly inappropriate and creepy. There is no situation in which it's OK for strangers to mention their genitalia to children.

LakeTiticaca · 20/06/2024 11:20

On what planet is it appropriate for an unknown male person to speak to a6 year old about genitals?
Pretty sure if this had been regular man saying it, someone would have punched his lights out. Why would a bloke in a dress be any different. I would have phoned the police !!