House guests when I'm stressed

DH doesn't sound very kind - not to you, anyway...

You will have had the whole week alone before these people are supposed to be coming. All you need to do to 'prepare' is order some extra food and change some bed linen. Your DH can sort the rest. You don't even need to cook an evening meal - you can order a takeaway, or ask your guests to order it. It doesn't matter what they 'expect' - they get what they're given. If they want 'activities' then they can go off with your DH and the kids while you stay at home, if you feel you must. Your DH will have spent five days coping with activities and cooking and so on while camping, so I'm sure he can cope with this stuff in his own home as well. You don't have to martyr yourself.

They're going to arrive Friday afternoon/evening and presumably will be going home on the Sunday afternoon/evening. It's really not that big a deal and it is not sustainable never to take a single weekend off from study. Other people balance this stuff with family life. If you're too stressed to lay on 'activities' and cook meals and so on, that's fine - simply don't do that. People can come to stay without you doing all that stuff, you know. You're making this into a much bigger deal than it is.

It will be me doing all the prep/shopping/cooking etc if they come.

Why?
If you were going on the camping trip with them then this would have to be done in advance or when you got back or online or something, so there is no reason why your DH cannot take care of this himself.

From one point of view if the family member has helped entertain the kids for a week then it would be a nice thing to have them for a weekend. But it is on your DH to sort this out. Just make it completely clear that you won't have time for this.

Won't it help a bit that you will have had a whole week child free beforehand so can probably get more done in the evenings?

It will be me doing all the prep/shopping/cooking etc if they come.

Why would you have to cook all weekend because he is camping the week before? I don’t get that.

Family member wants to come back to our house for the weekend after camping to prolong their holiday.Family member will come to us and expect meals and activities for them and their kids for whole weekend. Wil not contribute a bean

Family member sounds like an arse and your DH is being spineless!

I would text whoever it is (I’m presuming it’s his sister?!) and say, ‘Bob says you want to come back here and stay after camping-sorry, that’s just not possible this year with my postgrad course. They can come back to yours for the weekend if you wanted more time together though’

The end.

It will be me doing all the prep/shopping/cooking etc if they come.

He needs to make up beds before they go.

Make a couple of meals to freeze. Or freeze some microwave meals.

Order an online delivery.

Be warned that you won't be available to clean up the inevitable aftermath.

Your job will be to mean it. Don't get involved.

Just text them and say the weekend is to much on you to stay, your busy with your post grad & work but you hope they have the best week away together and you'll have them to stay once you've finished your studies.

Absolutely not OP.
Stand your ground and tell your husband to cop on.
No way would I have them to stay, AGAIN.
In fact I would tell my husband if he pushes it, I will vacate the house and stay in a cheap hotel for the weekend to get my assignments done.
He is welcome to come home with them from camping and organise snd host them himself.
Fxxk that in short.
I would be so pissed off at the suggestion and would be very verbal on the matter.

oh no it happens in real life!

I agree with this, even when very overwhelmed and stressed, you have to 'give' a little. A year is a long time for your 'thing' to determine everything.

How do you think he is "kind"? I think the word you want is weak

Who will make you feel guilty? Your DH or the guests? Just say no. Your DH is being unreasonable to expect them to stay and leave all the preparations to you.

TBF to DH he's taking the kids away for a week and leaving you alone so you can get on with work.
So I think a compromise where you say sure they can come for 2 nights or whatever shouldn't be that big a deal. Get takeout or some throw in the oven ready meal type thing for food.

don't feel guilty at all about saying no. Your dh is not kind, he is suiting himself and his family. Learn to put yourself first. If dh is so eager to see his family, he can invite himself over to his brother's for the weekend.

Tell him 'no fucking way' and if he ignores you do not lift a fucking finger.

All those saying 'ah just spend some time blitzing the house before they come'..
Should the husband not 'blitz' the place before he leaves? I doubt that op on her own is going to cause much chaos, and any tidying before they come is going to be undone when 2 families return with a weeks worth of camping mess! Is it his brother? Wonder if they'll conviently turn up with a weeks worth of washing and mess that you could just 'pop in to the machine for them.. just when you get a chance.' 🙄

'

My tuppence worth...

• your husband isn't 'kind' - he is prioritizing his relatives over you.
• however, you need to manage your studies and commitments more effectively - it shouldn't dominate your life to the exclusion of everything else, so do the assignment while they're away (it's only 4000 words!), book a one-off cleaner, get easy to prepare food delivered. And let your kind husband do the hosting, childcare, cooking, daily tidy-up... etc.
• enjoy a weekend that is focused on people rather than your academic goals.

I despair at all the women on here saying their husbands are 'nice/kind/generous' when the man is volunteering HIS WIFE'S LABOUR for the benefit of others (usually their own family of origin).

He can be nice/kind/generous with his own energy and time- not yours.

He can fuck right off with his guilt trip as well.

Your husband isn't kind if he's expecting you to do all this while you're under pressure.

And to PPs saying 'you can spare a weekend' - sure you can miss the odd weekend- but do it for something you enjoy, something that fills your cup and sustains you.

Don't waste your previous little time off doing chores for freeloading extended family!

Tell your husband it's a no-go this year. If they want to extend their holiday they should stay in the woods.

You tell hi. They are welcome to come but that you have work to do and will be booking into a holiday inn for the weekends if they come so that you can get on with your assignment. Be clear you will not be prepping beds or cooking and cleaning for visitors

what will feel worse,

(1) saying no, feeling bad, DH guilt trip or;
(2) saying yes and hosting house guests when you are overwhelmed

picking option 1 is short term harder but (2) will feel worse and impact you more

noone died from being told no

Can't they just come and you leave them to it ?

DH organises an online shop, they make their own beds up and come up with an itinerary and you give DH a strict budget so they either do cheap activities and DH pays or they split costs.

Decamp to a library or coffee shop. I get you need to write your dissertation but normal life shouldn't stop entirely.

Sorry, but why is it down to you to do all the prep. Just say to your partner, they can come if he sorts everything and leave them to it.

get DH to organise a grocery delivery to arrive after they return from camping, and book a hotel/ go stay with family / friends and leave him to deal with the relatives.

No one is going to be i0set if you say no sorry I have a major deadline.

An alternative is to offer them the weekend before the holiday, as long as your husband is aware that you will be studying the whole time and he has to do everything (sort and wash bedding, meal plan and cook, tidying ans cleaning, sorting activities)