To ask how to get my ex back?

Missing someone doesn't mean it's right to reconcile.

Also you say he's got a lot of potential. Don't assume potential is ever going to be fulfilled. You have to examine the here and now.

I think if he really wanted to be with you, he'd be talking to you, wanting to see you and progress things.

You should start dating other people. Go for it. You might meet someone who doesn't have potential but who is right for you here and now.

Look forward.

In the kindest possible way, you need to move on.

The most cruel thing you can do to yourself is hang around after a break up to watch someone you still love turn into the person you begged them to be for someone else.

It didn't work, and he didn't think it was worth trying to save. You already have your answer.

You mentioned twice that he needed to put work in. That is a death sentence for success. You can’t change a person to make a relationship work. There are tiny adjustments a couple can make to improve their personal dynamic, but neither person should need to fundamentally change themselves.

I love that. I'm stealing it

Red flags just look like flags when you’re wearing rose tinted glasses.

He's moved on. You're deluding yourself by pretending he hasn't. If he'd wanted to he'd have gotten back together with you at some point in the last year.

It's time for you to do the same, you're only going to keep hurting yourself otherwise.

Having had some experience o this, I am reminded of the Chinese proverb which teaches that a man can't walk through the same river twice.... it's not the same man and it's not the same river. However imperceptibly or otherwise, you've both changed. If you have children, let the relationship be a happy, friendly co-parenting relationship, if possible. Look after you, respect yourself enough to realise that if he really still cared in the same way, you would know by now.

I made this mistake and it was costly. Never again.

I'll be honest and say I really don't see this working OP, I'm sorry :( I think if he had wanted to get back with you then he would have by now. However, and here's the thing because you have nothing to lose: talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Then let him see what he wants to do but put a time limit on it - say 2 weeks. He comes back to you within 2 weeks to say what he wants to do and if its a no then you go cold turkey and move on completely.

Sorry op, but I think you are being what my teenage niece would call delulu.

You gave him the option to work on your relationship, he didn’t choose it, he chose to break up. He’s not going to start putting effort in now when he’s feeling loved up and excited about a new relationship. Stop contact and work on yourself, so that the next relationship you have is less likely to run into problems.

Nay nay and thrice nay

You need to go no contact now.

Its not an option to get back with him when he is in a new relationship.

What is the age gap you mention?

Dont,
No good will come if it.

I've just seen your follow-up post...

Why is he a twat? He's moved on from a failed relationship and is optimistic about his new relationship. There's nothing twattish about that.

I think you’re saying what you hope really. And you’re clearly jealous he’s moved on.

you can only tell him, but I strongly suspect he will thank you and say he will think about it to be polite then say no.

Does he agree he has his faults and does he want to work on them to make a relationship with you work? If not then you’re wasting your time.

is it the new relationship that’s spurring you on?

I don't think you can get him back sorry.

You gave him an ultimatum, work on the relationship / communication or split up. He actually chose to split up, which shows he doesn't want to change.

What do you think would be different going forward? What has changed? How realistic do you think it is that he will suddenly improve his self awareness and find the motivation to put the effort in to understanding himself and find the effort required to actually change (eg through counselling)

If he has started seeing someone else I'd say he has properly moved on. If you've got emotional when you've seen him, he probably knows that you still had strong feelings - why hasn't he done anything to rekindle the relationship or work on his faults before now?

Ffs op it's clear the man don't want you he's moved on.
Jealously will get you no where.
He ain't coming back.
Time to move on.

Sorry op but he clearly doesn't have the same feelings for you.
If he did he would have been back it's been 12 months.
You need to except it and move on leave him alone.
You do come across as a bit of hard work and tiny bit deluded and jealous.
It's over now except he as moved on and you should to.
Your chasing the past let it go.

Please move on. You're not being fair on him or yourself.

You're quite deluded if you think he'll come running back when he's in a relationship with another woman. You broke up for a reason, if there was a chance you'd of gotten back together by now after 12 months.

I really don’t think that is your call. It sounds to me that it’s taken him to start a new relationship for you to want to get back? It’s really hard to move on from relationships OP but you can’t force him and it sounds to me like he is moving on? Can you find focus on YOU and look for a different future? I know it’s horrible and you’re hurting but you can’t make assumptions about his new situation etc.

Kindly, that isn't the point. Even if they don't work out (and it's only your opinion that they won't) that doesn't mean that he and you would then magically become a couple. Even the fact that he is 'excited' to be with someone else should tell you what you need to know. He has moved on, and you need to do so as well, for your own happiness.

Op please move on

I remained in contact with an ex as I felt a mixture of missing them and guilt I cared for them that they were hurting but to be honest once in another relationship these feelings faded and I soon found it suffocating

walk away with your self respect if he doesn’t really know how you feel know then there was something very wrong in your relationship in the first place