To think friend should have reminded me?

If you care about your friend then just contact her now and apologize for forgetting, ask her if someone else bought the ticket. Offer to pay her a little at a time until it’s covered.

Then start making an effort with her. I have a few friends I stopped bothering to contact because they never put in any effort and I realized from that they don’t care much if we see one another or not. One recently turned up acting like I was the one who’d disappeared. We sorted it out.

Yeah, I'd give up on you to be honest

There's a few phrases being bandied about on this thread for this behaviour. What about your conscience? Are you not embarrassed? Etc
I've known a few people like this, and the thing is, they genuinely don't feel those things. They're aren't actively trying to be unkind, They just cannot see anything from anyone's pov other than their own. And do not care. I guess it's a disorder of sorts. Narcissism?

This sums it up. Some people are complete cheeky fuckers. I would be so embarrassed. Imagine just not giving a fuck?

So you borrowed £200 for gig tickets. Didn't write it down or put it in your phone.

Didn't pay her back

Blew her off for an event and said you're going with others when you could have invited her

Blew her off for dinner and didn't make an alternative

If I was her I'd have offered the ticket to a friend and dropped you as well, you're awful

Also wondering whether you've done this in the past

You do need to pay her back OP

She probably felt awkward asking and you are the one in the wrong. Why didn't you make a note to pay her when you got paid, if you weren't likely to remember? Why didn't you put the gig in your diary?

I still think it odd she didn't ask you before the gig "Just checking you haven't forgotten about the gig on..."

If I'd bought the tickets for a friend who wanted to to o think I'd be checking they're still up for it and meaning they need to pay (if I didn't want to ask for payment directly)

So did you not try and contact her at all between December and February?

I think that’s really odd, especially when you’ve just borrowed £200 from her.

Not legally, morally! God I must be pretty naive but this isn't normal is it? You can't just decide not to pay someone a substantial sum of money you owe them. How would that sit on your conscience?!

Good point. You couldn't afford it at Christmas and 6 months later you still can't afford it. I doubt you "forgot". I think you probably had good intentions, at the start, but as time went on you starting avoiding your friend and "forgetting" about the concert and that you owed her for it.

You don't have the money, so you avoided her hoping she'd stop asking. And she did, as per your previous post when she said she'd hoped you'd do the right thing but then just gave up.

You've really hurt your friend. Even if she managed to resell the ticket and recoup her cost, it's no fun going to a gig on your own. She's not a priority to you. Twice you blew her off and didn't try to rearrange anything with her. That's ok. Sometimes friendships drift away. But you've behaved really sneakily here.

There's no either/or here. Both people have actions they can take. If a friend forgot to pay me back that kind of money, I wouldn't just sit there and stew about it. Losing £200 isn't a 'do nothing' situation to me, however annoyingly careless the friend might be.

Yes, I absolutely understand that @Rgh254

Your friends clearly love you for who you are and know you're scatty, and you'll own it.

The problem here is the op hasn't made the leap from, 'fuck, I've forgotten again' to 'I'll pay x immediately with an apology' (as I'm sure you would) but has gone to 'its xs fault for not reminding me and can't afford it so she's not getting it).

The ND isn't a problem, in fact it's mostly blooming awesome people imo 😜, it's the complete lack of self awareness

Why didn't you go? Did you flake on her as well as refuse to pay?

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius yes I would still pay them back

@arethereanyleftatall I am ND and very very scatty. I would easily forget to pay someone back if I was waiting for payday, but equally all my friends know what I am like and would remind me, knowing I would pay them back right away upon being reminded. I hate owing people money.

I just think its very odd to buy someone a ticket for something and not chase them for payment or text to make any plans. There must be some misunderstanding or something somewhere. Me and my friends would be exchanging excited messages about what we are going to wear, if we are going to get food or drinks before hand and just general excitement, especially if we had spent £200 on tickets!!!!

In fact I have a gig next week with my sister (paid for) but I completely forgot about it until she reminded me a few days ago. I put it in the diary when we booked it but checking my diary is an entirely separate challenge for me 😄

I am just trying to give understanding from another perspective.

You have to pay her back. It's your mistake!
Granted she could have sent you a quick reminder but some people hate having to chase others.

I honestly don't believe you completely forgot either!

Oh gosh, this all sounds so weird

you overextended yourself with stating you would go to this event that you could not afford. Why do you think she should have sent you a reminder? You wanted her to do so to appease your guilt about blatantly not paying her without giving your opportunity to tell her an excuse - however the end result is the same. You can’t pay her. So what difference does it make if she reminded you or not?

But equally, if your friend forgot to remind you, or didn’t remind you for some other reason, @Rgh254, you would still pay them the money you owed them, wouldn’t you. You wouldn’t just expect your friend to suck up losing that amount of cash, whereas @abrabhf seems utterly blasé about leaving her friend so far out of pocket. That is unforgivable, in my book.

You shouldn't have agreed to go then. You owe her the money, pay up.

Your behaviour has been disgusting, how can you not have paid her back! You need to do so when you get paid in the next few days. You haven't behaved like an adult, she probably feels you snubbed her over the summer event too.

Unless @Rgh254 this is absolutely standard behaviour from the op. Which one would assume it is, no normal person 'forgets' £200 to a friend. It will have been the straw that broke the back.

I can’t afford to send her £200.

So what on earth were you doing agreeing to buy tickets to a gig that cost that much?

People are being pretty harsh here. This is something me and my friend would do (although we text on a daily basis)
One of us buys the tickets and the other might pay back when we've been paid. If I had done this I would have sent a reminder to say "hey, can you ping me the money for your ticket"
I wouldn't buy someone a ticket and then not contact them about going to the gig/them paying and proceed to go alone because they didn't message me. That is just madness!

Ethically, though, she does owe the friend, @burnoutbabe. The friend expended £200 buying @abrabhf a ticket for the gig on the clear understanding, on both sides, that @abrabhf would pay her friend back.

Presumably the ticket was available to @abrabhf - if she had bothered to a) pay for it and b) ask her friend for it - and as OP is presumably an adult who manages to get to appointments, flights, doctors’ appointments etc, without someone having to remind her, there is no good reason why she shouldn’t have remembered this gig. Her friend is her friend, not her PA or her mum.

Therefore, there is no good reason for her not to pay her friend back. Even if you are right, and the friend has no legal case for getting the money back, I don’t think that is any justification for @abrabhf to decide not to pay her back.

If the friend had resold the ticket, it would be different, but OP hasn’t suggested this is the case.