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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think friend should have reminded me?

562 replies

abrabhf · 19/06/2024 21:45

Friend paid for hers and my ticket to see a recent gig, cost £200 each. These were bought months ago and I forgot about it, we also have barely spoken since purchase.

I never paid her back and now the gig has been and gone and she’s ignored my texts and calls.

OP posts:
Bumbleebeetree · 20/06/2024 06:36

QuintessentialQuokka · 20/06/2024 06:34

OP, you need to beg, borrow or steal that money to pay her back. You have behaved disgracefully.

Agree with this. Sorry OP but I think you are being really unfair.

QuintessentialQuokka · 20/06/2024 06:34

OP, you need to beg, borrow or steal that money to pay her back. You have behaved disgracefully.

PerceptionIsReality · 20/06/2024 06:34

You can't afford to send her £200? Then why agree to go.

Can your friend afford to throw £200 down the pan over your flakiness.

You are utterly unreasonable. She seems well shot of you.

Strictlymad · 20/06/2024 06:25

If you can’t afford 200 quid you shouldn’t have agreed to go, why should she be 200 quid out of pocket? I wouldn’t be surprised if she started a thread saying my friend is refusing to pay me money she owes!

TinkerTiger · 20/06/2024 06:21

I think friend has been an absolute mug 💁🏽‍♀️

I’ve been in the position where I fronted the money, I’d be checking in to remind to pay, and definitely in the run-up to the event.

Friend could have sold it, could have rung OP etc, now wants paying for it now the event has been and gone. She should have just grown a spine and asked.

lalaloopyhead · 20/06/2024 06:19

She didn't have to remind you, but I would have. It sounds a bit odd. I can't imagine subbing a friend £200 for a ticket that I didn't know well enough to send a reminder. Two reasons, I would want the money and I would want to go to the gig.
If nothing else I would have sent a reminder beforehand on the expectation of being paid even if I thought you had changed your mind about not wanting to go.
No point going nc with you, if she still wants the money so maybe she did sell it or go with someone else.

Somepeoplearesnippy · 20/06/2024 06:17

I’m glad you aren’t my ‘friend’.

Frogpole · 20/06/2024 06:13

@WigglyVonWaggly It makes me wonder (somewhat enviously) how many fun and pricey events you must be planning all the time if you can forget about a gig this expensive!
So you think that if a person has nice things it makes them inherently bad? You feel that OhPea should use her entertainment budget to buy you tickets to "expensive gigs" while she sits at home watching repeats of Terry Wogan on a black and white TV? Help me to understand the point you're making with this.

@AnneLovesGilbert You didn’t forget though you may have hoped she’d forget you owed her hundreds of £££. You didn’t pay for it so it wasn’t your ticket and she’s given it to someone else.
You've just made that up, it's a complete lie isn't it? It's almost as if you think you're somehow better than OhPea, like you're in a position of authority over her and are entitled to tell her off - based entirely on an event that only happened in your own imagination. Almost like that, but I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation...

@Evilspiritgin you're rather a flakey friend aren't you?, you must have loads of money if you forget owing £200, that's completely cheeky fuckery behaviour

I would imagine she realised what a crap person you were when you didn't pay her back in December , I definitely wouldn't be reminding you,
A "lot" of money to one person can be "trivial" to the one after. That's just how the world is, unless you think communism is a good idea of course... Some people find that difficult to accept, which is human nature but it's not ok to swear at someone and call them names just because they might have a different budget than you - having nice things is not a sign of evil, not having nice things is not a sign of virtue, and the same is true in reverse.

I'm sorry to hear that you think making social arrangements with someone, not bothering to so much as send a carrier pigeon who's got "u gud bruv ye?? 079 me" tattooed on it's tail to them for the next six months, then acting hard done by when they don't show up is a reasonable course of action. When you post those cryptic, passive aggressive pics on insta about how you're a lone wolf and people don't respect loyalty etc etc, please remember that your phone can make outgoing calls as well as receive incoming ones (if you've paid the bill of course)

@Aquamarine1029 You're going on that you "forgot" you owed someone £200. Now that's odd. You didn't forget btw, so nice try. No one forgets that.
Please do enlighten me as to how acetylcholine distribution and the intraneural biomechanical processes occurring within the hippocampus are affected by an arbitrary number on an arbitrary scale. Perhaps some independent, peer reviewed insights on the evolutionary and genetic origins of said traits as well.
Or precise measurements from your own third party reviewed research in to exactly how many pounds and pennies the brains of h. Sapiens Sapiens needs to remember a single aural input, and how low that figure may fall before the chemical cascade required to forget said input occurs.

Either is fine.

No rush, I'll wait...

AthenaBasil · 20/06/2024 06:13

While I agree that you have more responsibility for how things turned out, it does seem odd that she wouldn’t get in touch before it to talk about arrangements or just to mention it. If I had paid for someone’s ticket and had it with me then I’d do something about and not just show up on my own. I agree with others that it sounds like backstory and that this was some test.

knockyknees · 20/06/2024 06:13

It's always fascinating seeing threads from the CF point of view.

Ellie525 · 20/06/2024 06:12

Think she's has enough of the cheeky fuckery here.. just pay her the 200 even in installments!

Perfect28 · 20/06/2024 06:09

You need to pay OP, and chalk this down to learning a big lesson. Grow up, get your big girl pants on and sort your life out.

ThunderQween · 20/06/2024 06:08

I can’t afford to send her £200.

You would infuriate me tbh. You owe her £200. You've owed her that money for months.

If you didn't have £200 then and you don't have £200 now then why on earth did you agree to go. You need to live within your means or you're going to get into debt.

Kbroughton · 20/06/2024 06:08

You're a CF. And a a bad friend. I dont think it's that weird your friend didn't ask for the money. Some people find that very difficult and the onus is on you not her. The April thing is also strange. I imagine she was thinking she'll ask youface to face and then I said you were busy and didn't offer another date? Imagine she thought you were blowing her off and didn't feel confident in raising. You owed someone money and somehow managing to blame the person for not reminding you. That wouldn't wash with a loan company. Bad friend and she's right not to be friends with you any more

nearlysummerhooray · 20/06/2024 06:06

Why did you agree to buy the ticket if you didn't have £200?

cryinglaughing · 20/06/2024 06:06

How the hell do you forget you owe a friend £200 😱?

I would unfriend you also.
Beyond rude to not pay what you owe. You have had 6 months to pay and now you say you can't afford it. I can't be doing with flaky people, I can understand her actions.

ShyCrab · 20/06/2024 06:04

Why should the onus be on her to remind you and chase you for money? You’re a grown adult.

It sounds like you deliberately ‘forgot’ to pay her in the hope that she would bring up the gig, write off the £200 and invite you anyway. Really unfair and ridiculous of you. Why do you assume she has £200 to burn? I wouldn’t be friends with you after this. The least you can do
is pay her back, even in instalments.

Ibouncetothebeat · 20/06/2024 06:01

You still owe her the £200. It wasn't up to her to chase you for it. You shod have remembered what you committed to.

Shoxfordian · 20/06/2024 06:00

You're in the wrong here, couldn't you have sent her 50 a month or 20 a month towards repayment if you couldn't do 200? Why did you agree to go?

Overthebow · 20/06/2024 05:59

You owe her £200.

Gymmum82 · 20/06/2024 05:57

I’m not surprised your friendship is over. But you still need to send her the money. In instalments if you can’t afford it in one go.
I actually can’t believe there are people like you that exist and have absolutely no shame in screwing over their supposed friends. I’d be paying it back £5 a month if I had to.

Sunnysummer24 · 20/06/2024 05:56

abrabhf · 20/06/2024 02:09

Why would I need to check? I haven’t sent her any money.

I’ve messaged her now. Apparently she went on her own, she didn’t remind me as she thought I’d do the right thing and then gave up.

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200.

You lent £200 from her, when you did that you thought you would have the money to pay her. You need to pay her back.

DreamTheMoors · 20/06/2024 05:53

Excuse me — don’t most phones these days have calendars that you can set reminders?

All I’m hearing are excuses - no reasons.

KTSl1964 · 20/06/2024 05:50

Why should she remind you? Are u not an adult?
It’s your fault - you’ve had months to pay her and made no attempt to pay £30 per month as you couldn’t pay the full amount - did that not dawn on you!!!

Pontipinecity · 20/06/2024 05:26

If I was your friend I would have been reminding you that you owed me a large amount of money but really it’s your responsibility to pay back the cost of the ticket that you asked her to buy for you. If she didn’t sell the ticket you still owe her.