To think friend should have reminded me?

I understand your point about her not reminding you. It would have been nice of her.

However, you still owe her £200.

Doesn't sound like it was that important to you of you only remembered the date afterwards. You could have sent the money regardless. Hopefully she resold the second ticket or you still owe her.

Well I wouldn't be rushing to pay her £200 whether I could afford it or not, because the friend's actions/inaction makes no sense.

• If you're £200 down, you chase up with the friend who owes the money or you find someone else to go with. Regardless of whether you're 'testing' the friend to do the right thing, if friend fails the test, it's you that suffers the consequences. So mitigate them.
• If you're friends, you know that non-payer either has form for this, or it's out of character. If it's the former, you have a Plan B ready to sell the other ticket. If it's the latter, you chase friend up because it's out of character!

I suspect she sold the ticket but didn't tell you. That's why she kept quiet right up until the gig - just in case you suddenly paid up when she mentioned it, and she didn't have the ticket anymore. Now she's trying to make you feel guilty but if you 'pay her back', then she's doubled up on the cash.

I also suspect you have form for being shit with remembering stuff, including money you owe, and she's fed up. This is the perfect opportunity to ditch you as a friend, and she's set it up this way that it's 100% your fault (and really, it is, but she helped the situation along too).

You're a man, aren't you?

You have behaved shockingly OP, I can’t believe you’re still not planning to pay her!

This is entirely on you. You need to pay her back by any means possible, even if it means paying in instalments.

I’m speechless that you think you can pass the blame for this onto her in any way.

I can’t believe you would think it acceptable to not pay her what you owe. You are the one who forgot to pay. She loaned you the money. She went to the gig alone because you forgot. And now you’re saying SHE is in the wrong and you’re not going to pay her..?! WTF???? What a shitty friend you are.

Why didn't you put it in your diary and did she know you couldn't afford it.

This has to be a reverse because surely someone who does this type of thing doesn't need MN to tell them they are pondlife - they already know.

YABU op, you are still due your friend the money so you must find a way to pay her back, set up a monthly standing order to her so you can't blame forgetting again.

Well there you go. You threw away a friendship over “forgetting” you owed someone £200.

Your friend paid £200 to find out she had a shitty friend.

Do the right thing and pay up even if at £10 a month. But you are a terrible friend.

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200

So why bother posting at all ? If you’re not prepared to give the full facts then how are people meant to give meaningful responses ? You sound controlling and if that’s a factor here, then it puts a different perspective on things.

If this isn't a reverse, it's one of the worst things I've come across on here.

Pay your friend back, even if you do it at £20 a month or whatever. You'll have to cut back on something else. You've effectively got £200 that belongs to her.

Also sort yourself out. I don't believe for one second you forgot about the gig. You realised your couldn't afford it and dealt with it by ignoring her.

You've treated your friend really badly. Unless there is some backstory where she somehow owes you £200 for something else, you've been totally unreasonable and a terrible friend. You're right that a fifteen year friendship is over - but don't even think of blaming her.

“If she knows money is tight for you she shouldn't have expected you to attend an expensive event”

this is absurd. She presumably asked the OP, who said she wanted to go. This is in no way the friend’s fault.

Seems a bit weird on her part. Why not message and say ‘are you still wanting to go to this gig? Shall I sell the ticket to someone else?’ Things do slip people’s minds. She sounds a bit of a martyr.

Does your landlord have to remind you to pay your rent? Does the council chase you down for council tax? She’s not your personal assistant. She loaned you £200 six months ago and you forgot to pay it back. Lots of people are uncomfortable asking for money back—the onus was on you.

A PP suggested paying her the £200 now, because it was your fuck up. But you say that you do not have £200 and can’t afford it. What? You had that £200 ear marked for your friend, presumably from your pay in late December. Where is that money now? Sounds like you didn’t ever set the money aside at all. So if she had babysat reminded you sometime between January - now, you’d have said the same thing, “I didn’t put the money aside and I don’t have it.” You’re not making sense, OP.

Agree, but tbh l think this has avoidance written all over it. OP realised she simply couldn’t afford to go and avoided the friend until after the gig. Now she’s being ghosted and clearly realises the friendship is over.

People aren't misunderstanding.
OP is an adult who is presumably capable of finding ways to remind herself.
Or this is actually a reverse.

You should pay £200. Even if you think the friendship is forever spoilt

Yes OP, as an adult, you are being very unreasonable to think the onus was on her to remind you.
You have made a big mistake and there is no excuse.

The best thing to do is to wholeheartedly accept that the mistake was yours alone. Then put it right as best you can. For example, you could text her again and apologise properly, admitting that you were 100% to blame. At the same time, ask her if she would accept staged payments straight from your account to hers, to cover what you owe her. Then make sure you follow through.

We all make mistakes and we learn by putting them right as best we can. And by never making the same mistake again.

Why did you agree to a concert that you couldn't afford? You couldn't afford it at the time and now 6 months later you still can't afford it. You treated your friend very shabbily. £200 is not a small amount. You can't afford it, but you seem to think it's ok for your friend to be out of pocket that much.

Your friendship is over. So I suggest you put away €20 a week and pay her back in 10 weeks time. It's gone on this long, another 10 weeks won't matter.

Maybe she should have reminded you, but maybe she felt you were dodging her. Whether she should have reminded you or not is irrelevant. The end result for her would have still been the same. You wouldn't had paid her for the ticket.

If she knows money is tight for you she shouldn't have expected you to attend an expensive event. Hard lesson learnt for her now but it might make her reconsider buying tickets for others in future without getting the money upfront.

OP if you have genuinely forgotten about this then you need to start putting systems in place to remember stuff, calendars, reminders or whatever. My memory is shocking and I can quite easily forget things if I don’t write them on my calendar so I do understand this. People who don’t have these kind of struggles don’t understand. I also try to pay people right away for things or again, write it on the calendar.

It isn’t other folks responsibility to remind you. Having said this I do think it’s a bit odd she didn’t say something. If you have form though it might have been a bit of a test? Get apologising to her if you get the chance.

You couldn’t afford £200 then, at time of purchase, you can’t afford £200 now. Why did you agree to getting the tickets at all, on the understanding that you would pay her back?

What a crap thing to do to someone.

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200

If you can't afford £200 why did you say you'd go? Your friend bought the ticket in good faith that you'd pay for it and you didn't. Poor form in your part I'm afraid, your friend is now £200 out of pocket because of you.

I don’t know why people don’t believe people can be so forgetful and disorganised. There are people like that, who don’t use calendars or reminders and who just generally can’t get their act together.

I'm confused. Did your friend not message you to remind you of the impending gig and that you owed her 200 quid,?