To think friend should have reminded me?

Id feel so ashamed!!
Can you find out if she managed to sell the other ticket?
I think youve got some grovelling to do.
On the other hand, it sounds a bit passive aggressive to not bother reminding you and hoping youd do the right thing, if that meant losing £200.
Are you really young?

Tickets were bought in December, last contact I had with her was maybe April, I messaged to ask if she was ok, she invited me to her for dinner and I said I couldn’t make that day.

You sound like a very shit friend.

You knew the gig was coming up and that you hadn’t paid but you just chose not to contact her or pay her back, hoping she’d forget about it or tell you not to worry about paying her back.

I would never leave a friend of mine £200 short.
And no one would accidentally forget that they owe someone that much money.

I hope she had a great time and managed to get her money back/went with someone better.

This has to be a reverse, nobody could be this dim surely?!

You decided not to pay her. She knows thats what you did. When you can’t afford to pay something you tend to think/worry more about it, not forget!
instead of owning it and apologising or stepping up and paying instalments, you chose to go low contact and avoid your ‘friend’! Now she’s not a friend anymore.
You need to grow up. The right thing to do would be paying her back. She’s likely out of pocket because of you which makes you a pretty shitty person.

So she's paid for an unused ticket?

The whole situation seems ridiculous. £200 is obviously a lot of money to you, so why would you agree to spend it on gig ticket? Especially a gig you care so little about you can completely forget about it.

How can you forget you owe someone £200, especially when that's a lot to you?

However, in her shoes I don't understand why she wouldn't have checked at some point that you were sending the money/if you still wanted the ticket/if she should try and sell it.

Having committed to the purchase though, if she's out of pocket, you absolutely owe her the money and I'm not surprised she's keeping her distance.

" I had to wait for pay day and then I completely forgot."

Be honest. You didn't forget.

This is all on you.

You should have made sure you paid her the moment you could. I've forgot to pay friends (smaller amounts) and when I've remembered apologised and owned it. I would NEVER say "well it's your responsibility to parent me because I don't want to have to be a grown up".

She brought the tickets December and you didn't even contact her for four months. She suggested meeting up (probably hoping she could bring up the money discussion) and you declined and then you've not bothered since.

I hope she sold the ticket on and had a lovely time. You owe her a massive apology

I go to a lot of events with different people and I keep a note on my phone detailing exactly what been bought, who's bought it, who's been invited and who owes money. It's too easy to forget.
I'm not at all shy to remind people if they owe me money though. I know I would want to be reminded if it's the other way around.
Sometimes I even set up location based reminders to remind me when I get to certain friends houses that they owe me money. I find a lot of people on Mumsnet are weird about money. For example they are happy to sleep with a guy but they could possibly talk to him about money.

@abrabhf

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200.

Then you're not a friend, you're a leech.
Disgraceful behaviour.
I'd drop you like a hot potato.

You could never afford the ticket @abrabhf so you were very unfair to let your friend buy it knowing that you would never pay her back for it.

Unless your friend is very pushy and went ahead and bought the ticket despite knowing you could never afford it? In that case the responsibility was yours to contact her as soon as you could to tell her you couldn't afford the ticket and she should resell it.

Sounds like you two are no longer compatible as friends.

You need to send her the money. If you can't pay it all up front then suggest installments even if it's only £20 a month or something. She bought the ticket on your behalf with your agreement to pay her back. You need to pay her back, even if your friendship is over and even though you didn't go.

Sorry OP but I am #TeamFriend here.

If someone is kind and gracious enough to lend you £200 you go out of your way to get it back to them as soon as humanely possible. You don't 'forget' and then let them drift away without getting that money back.

How many times should friend "mention" it

If op forgot £200 and forgot a gig I don't think she would remember a small text saying please pay do you?

Usually I’d somewhat agree, or at least not be too pissed off about having to remind a friend about the money they owe and put it in a “hey, very excited for the upcoming gig, shall we grab dinner/drinks first? Could you make sure you send the ticket money by next week please?” However, it sounds like OP probably has form for this and her friend was okay with losing £200 to rid of this flakey entitled friend.

Op, you need to pay for the ticket. I think there is wrong on both sides here. I have a friend who forgets to pay me for things sometimes but I know and trust my friend. She has a very, very busy life. Her forgetting isn't malicious and when I send her a reminder she is very apologetic and pays straight away. But I do send her a reminder. I don't understand why your friend wouldn't have done this if she wanted to go with you. That said, I wouldn't let someone buy me a ticket for £200 and then forget to pay. It would be lodged in the front of my mind until I had paid, so ultimately the responsibility it yours and you should pay her back, apologise for forgetting, and chalk it up to experience.

I have adhd and I have a memory like a sieve. But I respect my friends and put strategies in place so that I don't forget stuff which affects other people.

What a lovely friend you are 🙄cf.

You must have a shocking memory. Forgot you owed someone £200 and forgot the gig.

It's understandable that people forget dates. I have adhd and can easily forget stuff like that, so I keep my diary on my phone and always put things in instantly as it will not happen otherwise.

Forgetting that you owe a friend £200 is in a different category though. That is a lot of money to most people, and just forgetting about it isn't acceptable. It implies that you don't really give a toss about the other person.

As to whether the OP would have paid and gone...well, she is now saying 6 months later that she can't afford to pay the debt, so I'm less than convinced that she ever had any serious intention to pay.

You say the friendship is over, but in truth you've lost the friendship because of your behaviour. Nothing more to it really.

You’re actually not going to pay her? That’s fucking awful. She’s paid £400 to go to a concert on her own.

You obviously never had the money and it looks very much like you avoided her deliberately.

I only hope your ‘friend’ can afford to lose £200. You are unbelievably selfish.

It's very odd on both counts. You do sound pretty flakey so really she should have messaged you beforehand just as a reminder. My best friend can be a bit like that, lovely but flakey so I just send her a message saying something like "don't forget about next week, we need to sort times out etc" so it does seem a bit strange that it was just radio silence. Presumably you're not that close anyway otherwise surely in daily/weekly messaging the gig would have been mentioned. She shouldnt have to message you as its courtesy to actually remember/stick to arrangements you have made and pay money that you owe, but yeah you sound a bit disorganised. Have you not heard of a calendar?

BUT.....this one is on you really. You say you can't afford to give her the £200 but surely you knew when you booked it, you would need to come up with the money. Sounds like one of those things you agree to at the time, then regret it after so you've just ignored it, deliberately never mentioned it and was hoping she would go with someone else.

Sounds like its the final straw for her and to be honest, if my "friend" let me down when I had paid £200 for the pleasure i would be knocking my friendship on the head too.

I can understand what op is saying, I have a memory like a goldfish some people are really good with diaries etc but I forget to put it in the diary in the first place!

It sounds like op would have paid & gone if she hadn’t of forgotten about it entirely. Maybe if the friend had sent a text saying don’t forget the concert & the £200 it would have been different but of course that is not her friend’s responsibility & it does sound like your friend already felt let down by you in some way before this op… so she was almost testing you and you failed…

So why on earth did you ever agree to go to the concert if you still can't afford to pay her back over 6 months later.

It isn't surprising that the friendship is over tbh. Borrowing £200 and then just "forgetting" about it as if it isn't a big deal is hardly the behaviour of a decent friend.

You are a selfish nasty person for being so unreasonable towards your friend, I would hazard a guess that you hoped in the back of your mind that as the day grew closer your friend would waiver the money and still let you attend the gig with her? I'm glad she still went and I really hope that you do the right thing and pay her back even if it is in installments. Don't agree to go anywhere with anyone if money is involved and you can't afford it at the time.