In-laws want DC so ‘we can both have a break’

2 is far too young to not see your Mum for 6 days.

You need to think of this from a 2 and 5 yr olds perspective.

50/50?

That's a heck no for me.

@Merryoldgoat

theyre 2&5. You'd be happy not to see them for 3 weeks??

It's not rude!

the children can go & stay with them on Dad's time, she's not stopping them going, just not on her time which she wants to spend with her children

FFS it's not a difficult concept

Yes, find great. They can do that on Dad's time. It's no less lovely for them then

Yes & they can spend time with their paternal grandparents on their Dad's time!

mum doesn't want to see her children even less!

It sounds like you sent them a good message. Crazy idea from them.

It isn't, but it is up to her not to be bitter and to stop them seeing the kids (like many scorned ex-wives do).

She was, last night.

Me and my children's dad are divorced.
His parents enjoy time with them in his watch and mine in mine.
I wouldn't be agreeing to them having them in my time unless it was a special occasion.

I totally understand how difficult this is for you. I could cry on the daily about the time I loose with them whilst they are at their dads. I don't think my heart will ever recover from it.

As time moves on, and so do you both, those boundaries will become more familiar.

Sending you love ❤️

I think this is their way of trying to say that they still want to support you despite the divorce. I can see why it's landed badly given the circumstances.

@RedLeicesterRedLeicester fair play you are doing your best to be fair while dealing with what is a nightmare. I am 8 years on from marriage break up, I definitely found it took in-laws longer to accept the new reality. When I look back I recognise now it was their fear of loosing our on their grandchildren.

As my children grew older the contact changed between parents and they independently engaged with in-laws so have and sadly had good relationships with them. I hope you and your children experience the same.

I think you should not agree to this. It is very early in the proceedings of divorce and trying to find a new way of living. Being firm about boundaries and your needs being important.

I would message your STBEXMIL and thank her but establish a pattern that they see their grandchildren during their son's 50%. Be busy, have a plan, don't flat out refuse. You can also just say this to STBEXH - and he can communicate with his family. Be very neutral about it.

Keep your children very close to you during this transition. Guard your role as their mother against potential parental alienation. Perhaps it isn't the case but, from my experience, too much to risk.

Stick to your guns, I get it. I’ve been in the same position as you for many years and this would be a hard no from me.

Perfectly understandable OP.
You never know when sickness may strike so having nice in laws that are prepared to help and support you is a blessing.
They are very young so I can well imagine it is going to be a huge change for you.
You MIL probably meant it very kindly, but it is very reasonable for you to thank her but tell her you are struggling with the prospect of not seeing them ad it is, so hope to minimise it.

Can I say "well done"? I don't mean that condescendingly or anything. I imagine it would be easy to rip out at an offer which, while well meant, must feel a bit hurtful as things are. I wish you and your family well.

I’d give them the most generous interpretation of their offer. I’d assume it’s kindly meant.

Then, I would politely decline explaining that it’s painful and you want to spend every minute with your babies that you can. But I would also add that you have appreciated them for their role in your life and the children’s lives and you hope they will continue to play a close and supportive role in your children’s lives.

You are a single mum now. You can never have too many people in your circle ready to help you in a pinch with the children.

This I think

I think they are trying to be nice, and reassuring you of their ongoing support.

I think they are also worried about seeing less of their grandchildren.

Thank them. Politely decline. Reassure them that you will continue to nurture a relationship of your children and their grandparents. It’s really important for kids to have loving close relationships with as many adults as possible.

Also my mum often arranged childcare with my dad’s parents directly to cover what she needed (as did my dad). My grandparents wanted to make sure my mum was still supported. Especially as she did the lions share of parenting.

I used to go to my dad’s parents for a few days every summer and my mum would go abroad 😂. My parents were never stressed about whose day it was. It was just nice to stay with our grandparents. I think you’re absolutely fine to say no thank you though and that they are welcome to plan it with ExH for during his days.

It's not up to OP what happens with these GPs. They are her ex's parents – he needs to facilitate contact with them on his time, just as OP will do with her parents during hers.

This. Just be honest, it’s not difficult m!

Why are so many posters on here missing the point that the OP is already going to be seeing her DC 50% less & having ‘a break’ then. It’s not about her not wanting DC to have a relationship with the IL’s she just doesn’t want to see her DC any less. Also it’s up to STBXH to facilitate a relationship with his own parents, OP may her own parents who also want to see DC.
Im sorry you are dealing with this OP, it sounds really hard.

I don't think you should message these sorts of replies. You say you have a good relationship so I reckon a phone call to explain your reasoning will go down much better. Messages can be misconstrued in so many different ways.