In-laws want DC so ‘we can both have a break’

That is true for GPs having contact with the children, it doesn't mean the GPs can't offer support if either parent needs it. If someone came on here and said they were a single parent, had no family and needed urgent care for the children (maybe mum needs an operation or something) and the exILs said no they'd only do it on the other parents time people would be calling them unreasonable.

But she is about to get 6 days a fortnight ‘free’ time, if by ‘free’ you mean with no children, and she’s devastated about that. How would MORE days without her children help in any way??

Do you think the ops ex will be facilitating days out for the kids with the ops parents on his time? As someone who’s barely parented he presumably will be desperate for the ‘free’ time, but it’s still so so so unlikely he maintains the children in regular contact with the ops parents.

Whose time should it be arranged in then?

The general approach is each parent arranges for their parents to see their DGC in their own time, not their ex's time.

They are probably wanting to do something to help, it is misplaced but I think well meant. I'd just say thanks but at the moment you want the time with them but maybe useful in the future.

My exDIL decided to go back to uni and I always had the GC at the drop of a hat, needed picking up sick from school/mum struggling with a deadline/inset day at school. We aren't particularly close but she did get to a point where she was grateful for the support and with GC grown up we are still in touch.

I am unsure why the GPs should specifically arrange the holiday for your STBXH's 'time'.

Because they’re his side of the family. He can use his time facilitating time with his parents, nieces, nephews, etc for his DC. In her time, OP can do the same with her family. Why on earth should OP lose some of her precious time with her children so that his parents can have a week with them?? Nobody separated that I know does that. It’s daft, quite apart from being unfair.

Because they aren't a couple anymore, the parents should be asking their son if they can have their grandkids for a weekend during his time, it isn't for OP to facilitate.

This is a good approach.

Do you trust MIL? Is she trying to get her own access time under court orders?

Why is DH getting almost 50/50 when they are so little and you are the primary caregiver?

They sound wonderful GPs and my thoughts are that they are doing this in the best interests of all. Yes, you will already have cf time when your STBXH has your children but I am unsure why the GPs should specifically arrange the holiday for your STBXH's 'time'. Perhaps you could use the free time for some additional 'me' time? To recharge your batteries and relax. Your children will benefit greatly from their GP's intervention in their lives. Believe me, that cannot be assumed or taken for granted. Take care of yourself at this difficult time

I don't understand your problem. They want to have the dc over for a few days or even a week.
So, they can do this during his contact time. I won't affect you at all

This

Why are people telling op to be nice to GPs?

She's not dim, clearly OP is mature enough to accept them going to dad half the time, no complaints there. She's friendly with the in laws and has explained she doesn't want a break, that's all!

YANBU. Unless they made their offer hoping you and their DS would get back together, what they’re asking is unreasonable. They can see the children during the time they’re with their DF. That’s how it works. Grandparents aren’t included in contact arrangements usually. Those are between parents.

Personally I think the GPS are trying to get extra time, not liking the fact the DCs will be with you slightly more. Whether your STBX is involved in this or not, doesn’t matter. Just say No. Say you’re managing fine and enjoy the time with your DC, but they are, of course, welcome to make arrangements with their DS during his contact time.

I wouldn't close the door to it for good because you don't know that you won't need them onside for childcare at some point. As others have suggested, I think I'd say that it's really kind, that at the moment you're getting used to the new normal and you would rather have all of your 50% with them, that of course if your STBX wants them to go to grandparents for some of his time you would have no problem with that at all, and you really appreciate the offer and will let them know if you do need a break in the future.

They would surely go to ex-in laws for a weekend in her DH’s time though otherwise she loses even more weekends with them?

I would keep the boundaries very strong and fair. I can see from my friends who are divorced that the ones with good boundaries have had the least problems.

I wonder if they are struggling to accept the new reality so as others have said, I would keep communication limited with them till you are in the swing of things with your new routine.

I think just thank them directly and say you’re keen to spend as much time with the children as possible especially as you adjust to the new normal but you’re sure H would appreciate it when it’s his time with them, or something,
so you’re politely saying they can see them on his time

I wouldn’t want to be apart from my children and they are alot older. They see their grandparents lots with us (we’re married) and occasional one night sleepover but wouldn’t want more than that. It is ok to be a parent that loves spending time with your kids. Life is busy and I dont want mine apart from me anymore than they already are (school/work etc). Mine see friends and family lots, are very confident children but I dont like the idea of a week away. Other people may think differently, other parents may struggle more and really need the time and space - we’re all different.

You are being completely fair and have said you have no issue with them spending as much time with grandparents as they want when its your ex-DH’s time to have them. Just be honest and say you dont want the time away from them. Its your decision when they are with you.

Op you just need time.

you’re grieving and going through a major life change. You’re extra sensitive right now too and that’s very normal.

be kind to the in-laws. Thank them and suggest they have them next year perhaps when you are settled with your new routine and they can go for a weekend especially as they be a little older.

you may feel differently then you might not. But you need time.

Completely understandable, op. It's your dh's responsibility to manage that relationship now (between his kids and pils).
I have a 4 year old and a 17 month old and I'd feel exactly the same as you if I suddenly went 6 days without seeing them.

MIlL it is a wonderful idea for the DC to spend some time with you in the holidays. I’m struggling with the idea of not having them at home with me everyday due to the separation so can we arrange for you to have them for a few days on ExH time and we can play the rest by ear?

They are panicking they will see their grandchildren less and they want to maintain a good relationship with you. Unfortunately you and your ex are unlikely to ever want them to go away for a week, adding to the half of their lives you will miss so they will just have to suck that one up. It’s up to your ex to reassure them that they’ll still see the kids when with him. From experience it’s really best to distance yourself from them now to avoid awkwardness in the future when you or your ex have a new partner.

Had they ever taken the DCs for a week in summer while you were still together? I do think this is a lovely idea either way, my mum takes my DCs for a week every summer and they go to my DPs parents for a week also and I've never questioned this - facetime and phonecalls everyday. Do they live far away? Could you still see them while they are with the Grandparents?

It's a strange shift when it goes from childcare or a few nights off being a rare and precious thing, to time with your kids being the thing you miss. I'd probably try to be flexible and suggest that the grandparents have a few days on "your" time and the rest on ExH's. You will miss them but they will remember that you helped them keep positive relationships with all of their family. If ExH is a reasonable sort of person, hopefully he will remember that you were flexible when it comes to you wanting a 2 week holiday with DCs or needing to change weekends. And in years to come you might find that even 3 weeks of the summer is hard/expensive to cover and be grateful to still have grandparents that can step in.

Really?! I think the op sounds very much like she is planning to be a constant in her kids life, so this could be pretty insulting to a mum feeling sensitive about divorce and the impact on her kids!!

Tell MIL that you will already be seeing less of them, so it’s a no from you, but she is welcome to have them for 6 days when it is the ex’s slot.