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AIBU?

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Didn’t do big shop - am I in the wrong?

234 replies

TheShyRoseZebra · 19/06/2024 21:21

Boyfriend came home from work on Sunday evening, with food. He got some mayo out of the fridge and asked why I didn’t buy more. He said, ‘it’s not fair actually’. He was acting off. I didn’t understand what I had done wrong, but I assumed it was because I hadn’t gone food shopping that weekend, and that he must have felt that I was not contributing my share. I went to my banking app, to check and I had spent about 70 on food shopping at the start of the week, and so I showed him. He assumed that I had gone shopping. He said that I am ‘a very independent person’ and I never want to do things together. That I should have texted him when I was shopping to ask if he wanted anything. He said he always texts me and says ‘darling do we need anything’? And that I never think of him, never ask him what he wants and that said that ‘I don’t give a fuck about him’, and stormed off to sleep separately, which he does the majority of the time. I was shocked and bewildered. I had not gone food shopping. I had spent the majority of the weekend painting the hallway and staircase, so it’s not like I was sat on my arse all weekend. I resent the fact that he assigns me little jobs on the weekend, (for example he suggested that I get a sponge and tackle the limescale in the toilet before he left for work on Sunday morning – I told him to get fucked I have plans). He works every weekend. I am off every weekend. On his days off he goes on road trips, climbing with friends, daytrips etc. He doesn’t help with housework on his free days. He leaves his stuff everywhere, I think intentionally, to piss me off.During the weekends I like to do bits of DIY, small jobs on the house. He has never helped me with any DIY, and that’s fine, I have never asked him for help with any of this and would not expect him to spend his time off painting or whatnot. But I feel like this is something that he resents, like he wants me to need him or something. Anyways, I tried to talk to him today after two days of basically ignoring each other. I asked him why he is so angry with me. He refused to discuss anything related to the argument, asked if I wanted to come with him on his road trip. I told him first I wanted to resolve things, I didn’t want to be in the car with him when he was angry with me as sometimes his driving becomes scary. I tried to discuss what happened at the weekend. He shut me down, refused to engage on the topic, walked away from me, said that I was being dramatic, called me an actress when I started crying, said shut up talking to him in that little victim voice. We tried to talk for half an hour or so, eventually he got so frustrated with me he punched a door. I locked myself in my room, at this point. I know he would never hit me, but I feel kind of scared when he does reach the point of hitting things.

Am I in the wrong here?

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 19/06/2024 21:29

You need to leave. His abuse and anger will at some point escalate.

LisaD1 · 19/06/2024 21:27

Yeah you’re in the wrong… for staying with this prick. As other have said just get out, this will get worse.

KreedKafer · 19/06/2024 21:26

Why on earth haven’t you dumped this man? He’s an abusive, aggressive bully.

turkeymuffin · 19/06/2024 21:26

TusconTrain · 19/06/2024 21:25

Get out now, immediately. Get up and leave. You can go back for anything you leave behind. His abuse will continue to escalate.

I know he would never hit me, but I feel kind of scared when he does reach the point of hitting things.

You don't know that, at all. The punching other things is designed to control you, to show you what he could do to you. Can you go to a friend's or family member's house? You need to leave. As soon as safely possible.

He will hit you eventually. They always do.

Get out now while you can.

TusconTrain · 19/06/2024 21:25

Get out now, immediately. Get up and leave. You can go back for anything you leave behind. His abuse will continue to escalate.

I know he would never hit me, but I feel kind of scared when he does reach the point of hitting things.

You don't know that, at all. The punching other things is designed to control you, to show you what he could do to you. Can you go to a friend's or family member's house? You need to leave. As soon as safely possible.

Ski2025 · 19/06/2024 21:24

At least you know now before the wedding.

Gakpo · 19/06/2024 21:24

Punching a door.

Always a good sign….

FuzzyStripes · 19/06/2024 21:23

Why are you bothering? Neither of you seem to want to be in the relationship or even seem to like each other. Life’s too short for all this drama.

Motnight · 19/06/2024 21:23

He is abusive and trying to assert his dominance, Op. You sound like a fabulous person. You might not be ready to be told this yet, but you need to leave him

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