DH not checking in when away

Because he's a parent who's left his child overnight for the first time. Doesn't matter how competent the other parent is, surely as a parent he'd want to know how his sons day has been.

As you said we’re all different OP is a person who like contact and her DH is someone who doesn’t
2 people each with there own expectations of contact

Why not just message him & say 'its not on not to check in. This is my expectation of you'

I had this with my DH. I just don't think they think. Tell him when he's back (nicely bit firmly) what you expect in future. It's hard when they're tiny & colicky & non stop crying & you're by yourself.

YANBU OP hope you and your baby got some sleep.

@rwalker
We’re a very much well get in touch if anything’s wrong household so nether of us would text the one at home

Isn't it great that we are all different. So you don't contact each other. The op would like her husband to check in with her to see how she and their 6 week old colicky newborn are getting on.

DS is nearly 2 and DH will call me when checking into his hotel for 2 mins when he stays away. He does this to make sure we're ok because after a winter full of illness we know how much we appreciate the other being there for advice if there is anything is wrong. I do know it's much easier for men to compartmentalise things so he may be fully focussed on his work and not thinking about anything else. YANBU and need to explain to him that just because he's elsewhere he needs to find time to check in with you.

We’re a very much well get in touch if anything’s wrong household so nether of us would text the one at home

Fuck sake man, all these people saying you’re being needy. We both work away on and off in jobs where you’ve gotta be charming and fun til late, we’ll text on and off throughout. Usually about mindless shit, same as we do on an ordinary day, and always a ‘good night love you’ - there’s not an expectation on frequency or content, but if he left overnight and I didn’t hear from him til he got back it would be WEIRD. And as for not texting around clients - nobody cares. They’re texting too!

Fuck me. She on her own with a 6 week old baby, who doesn't sleep. A quick text of hope it's going ok is t going to take any time from his big important job. The pick me mentality of I'm happy for no co tact with my partner, despite having g a broken leg, 6 children, and 2 of them are newborns is getting ridiculous. No. It's not unreasonable to ask to be aknowledged by your husband who is not working 24/7- unlike you. I'd be upset too.

The idea of being in a nice restaurant, entertaining clients is probably misleading.

I used to do a lot of that stuff and the client will expect to be hosted, they are probably in a noisy football bar, with the client telling long boring football stories and watching Scotland. Don't imagine it will be much fun at all.

That’s cool.

The OP would prefer a quick message.

In human relationships it’s quite normal and expected to check in with each other or to do small things that show you’re thinking about each other when you’re not together. It’s very standard, normal behaviour. Not at all unusual, needy or odd.

But you know that. As does everyone else carrying on the silly hyperbole about a quick message being ‘constant contact’, needy or a sign of not coping.

I would expect him to check in, yes. Even if out with clients he could excuse himself for a matter of minutes to see how you’re doing.

It’s a huge life change but I actually came to like it when DH went away for work.

Hope you are doing okay, it’s early days and you will find your feet.

I find this surprising. Between us, DH and I have done hundreds of international trips over the years and I can only think of maybe one or two times one of us was unable to find the opportunity for a quick contact with home. I've always just said to clients or the team, go on in, I'll join you in 5 minutes, just going to call home and make sure everyone's in one piece. Or in the taxi from the airport to the office/hotel/meetings, we've always been able to find a minute for a quick call or text.

Well good. Im glad you are so secure in that knowledge. But every one is different and their situation's are different.
OP is only 6 weeks post partum so I think she is entitled to actually have a bit of practical demonstration that she is loved if that what will help her atm.

I would be upset by lack of contact. I think I would send an update of how your evening went. And then say to him tomorrow when he's home how upset and disappointed you were.

I also think a "hope baby has settled miss you both xx" would have been enough but nothing is rude

Of course, and I'm hoping you will get lots of texts that have been delayed due to lack of WiFi. Xx

When either of us are away we always checkin. Sometimes it's not easy due due being at work, signals, but type a message that will be sent eventually. We understand this but yanbu, a simple text is not difficult. Xx

Personal perspective: when I’m away with work I struggled to find time, unless there wasn’t a meal in the evening, to catch up with my son. By the time you travel, get to hotel, check up with emails and urgents, go into the local office, speak to people, get the randoms chatting to you, back to hotel, turnaround of an hour (with again checking emails), socialising professionally, it’s honestly not fun.

However, those colic months are awful OP

I know I am loved, without needing phonecalls or messages though.

I remember when DC was 2 weeks old we were all staying at my mum's house and DH went back to our flat for a night (we were.estate agents come over early next morning and our flat was about an hour away from my mum's). I remember he never messaged and I was super upset. Turns out though he had fallen asleep on the sofa immediately after getting in and just having a sit down - it was those early days of no sleep!

It could be something similar with your DH now.

Anyway, YANBU. And you should tell him the least he can do is check in.