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Original poster

Young Adults using weed - big deal or no?

219 replies

RunNo · 19/06/2024 16:32

Looking for others thoughts.
I have 3 children 22, 20 and 18 and my husband has a daughter who is 23. I’ve been divorced from my children’s dad for 8 years and we rarely communicate.

At the weekend my partners sister had come
to visit from France, her 3 children also visited they are 24, 22 and 19.

On Saturday night we all went out for dinner all the “kids” went for drinks after then back to my partners daughters flat. Along with 2 of her friends and her 29 year old boyfriend, this upped the average age quite a bit.

Turns out they all ended up sitting around smoking weed, listening to music etc. On Sunday my 18 year old told me, he’s quite a young 18, only just finished his A-levels etc. He told me it made him uncomfortable and everyone was doing it apart from him and my 20 year old.

I mentioned to my partner and he gave me a look as though to say “and what?”. I’ve noticed this with a lot of things really with him. I suggested he maybe mention to his daughter that some of the younger ones with them weren’t comfortable and maybe in the future if they are there, she shouldn’t engage in the use of illegal drugs! He more or less said “be glad it was only weed” then said he wouldn’t say anything as they were all adults and my kids could have left if they weren’t comfortable. For context she lives in Zone 1 central London, my kids have grown up in rural Berkshire. Yes the night tube was on so they could have easily got to my partners (we don’t live together yet) but I don’t think they knew how or had the confidence to leave. The demographic of my kids vs everyone else is quite different. He is incredibly well off , his daughter was gifted several properties worth over a million pounds at 18 and could easily live off the rental income of them, she doesn’t she has a job but she absolutely could. I think the use of drugs (especially weed and cocaine) is a lot more common in her well off trust fund babies of central London than in my kids state school rural Berkshire circles!

Either way my kids have now told their dad and he has said to me that the kids have told him they don't want to spend time with partners daughter or niece/nephews again. They are also saying they won’t be coming on holiday to France with us in July. I’ve spoke to my kids and they have said they just want someone to tell his daughter they were uncomfortable.

Now I feel stuck. I don’t think it’s a massive deal, but I understand my kids were uncomfortable. It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to talk to my partners daughter as we aren’t close. My partner refuses to as he thinks my kids are being childish and it’s “just weed”. My kids don’t want to talk to her themselves or hang out with her again.

So AIBU to think

  1. Using weed isn’t a big deal and both my ex and my kids are being dramatic
  2. Even if it isn’t a big deal my kids feeling uncomfortable needs to be dealt with so we can work as a family
  3. To help with this my partner should just have a quiet word with his daughter before the family holiday, even just to say “if you plan to smoke in France just let X and Y know so they don’t have to be part of it”

Or is it actually a big deal and we are being too relaxed about it, it is illegal after all!

Or not a deal at all and my kids just need to grow up and stop being immature

I feel like I’m somewhere in the middle and between my kids and my partner right now

OP posts:
BagOfBollocks · 19/06/2024 17:00

Whether a person is ok with weed or not is such a personal thing. Your kids are not and that's fine.

But I'm pretty gobsmacked at how much you baby them.

they were all adults and my kids could have left if they weren’t comfortable. For context she lives in Zone 1 central London, my kids have grown up in rural Berkshire. Yes the night tube was on so they could have easily got to my partners (we don’t live together yet) but I don’t think they knew how or had the confidence to leave.

They are adults and they'll have phones that will tell them exactly how to get from A to B.

They needed no 'confidence' to simply stand up, yawn and say 'well we're going to head off now'.

I don't think anyone's really wrong here although some MNetters will insist they are because 'illegal'.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 19/06/2024 17:00

I mean, it's been pointed out already that they could have left or told them they weren't comfortable, for them to pull out of a planned holiday though is a bit childish.

jeaux90 · 19/06/2024 16:59

So they have told you and your ex their boundaries now what are you going to do about it?

Original poster
RunNo · 19/06/2024 16:57

Dartmoorcheffy · 19/06/2024 16:53

Have your children led a very sheltered life? We live out in a rural area and weed is very commonplace. As is coke to be honest. I don't smoke it but would not be bothered by anyone else who does.

My kids aren’t massively social.

22 year old went to uni but lived at home the whole time, didn’t really get out much - though did use weed at the weekend with the others and thinks everyone is being a tad dramatic.

20 year old again has gone to uni but lives at home similarly doesn’t go out much. Happiest at home.

Youngest is definitely a young 18, never drank, never breaks a rule, can come across quite immature (won’t walk to the train alone etc.)

OP posts:
JamSandle · 19/06/2024 16:56

Before 25 it can be especially harmful to brain development.

Greaterorlesser · 19/06/2024 16:56

My adult kids wouldn’t be around anyone using drugs. They think it’s sad. Yanbu

Original poster
RunNo · 19/06/2024 16:55

Oh gosh ok.

I was under the impression from both my eldest and my own uni experience than weed use is pretty standard. Not in that the majority will participate but that the majority will come across it.
While I don’t support it, I’m also not against it (especially considering it’s now legal in many places). Obviously I don’t want my kids to do it or feel forced to.

It does worry me though that my kids didn’t feel able to leave or speak up themselves and have instead ran to their parents (both parents). What will my 18 year old do at uni next year?

OP posts:
boombang · 19/06/2024 16:55

Dartmoorcheffy · 19/06/2024 16:53

Have your children led a very sheltered life? We live out in a rural area and weed is very commonplace. As is coke to be honest. I don't smoke it but would not be bothered by anyone else who does.

you are not bothered by people supporting an industry which enslaves thousands across the UK, mostly children?

Frogmarch89 · 19/06/2024 16:53

At 18 and 20 I'm surprised at your kids reaction to be honest.

Dartmoorcheffy · 19/06/2024 16:53

Have your children led a very sheltered life? We live out in a rural area and weed is very commonplace. As is coke to be honest. I don't smoke it but would not be bothered by anyone else who does.

beckybarefoot · 19/06/2024 16:52

when i started reading this i thought she was going to mention teenagers, 13/14 years old..

i don't agree with drugs, but i'm not so blinkered that i don't know they are out there and weed nowadays seems to be normal.

these are actually adults, making adult decisions.. and it doesnt seem that they pressed any on your younger children.

accept your younger childrens decision that they dont want to spend time with their older brothers and sisters and move on

boombang · 19/06/2024 16:52

Gogogo12345 · 19/06/2024 16:48

I'm surprised that your kids haven't come across it before TBH. Doesn't sound like they were pressed into smoking it themselves so not really a big deal.

Why would they have come across it before? Most people keep away from crap like this

MojoMoon · 19/06/2024 16:51

Your adult children are being idiots.
Are they not keen on your partner? Perhaps not keen on you moving in?

Demanding someone tell him daughter that they felt "uncomfortable" otherwise they refuse to go on holiday is incredibly precious for some adults, rurally raised or not.

They could have left. They could have used their words and said something - but it would have been less idiotic to just leave.

I suspect they

  1. Want to undermine your relationship by pushing a wedge between you and your partner
  2. Are overly keen for their parents to see them as very well behaved angels which suggests they might be hiding something else.

Loads of rural kids take drugs. There is nothing else to do. The idea that the Bad City Girl is leading Innocent Rural Youth astray is probably nonsense

boombang · 19/06/2024 16:51

as well as forcing your DC into a situation they hate, and are right to hate

boombang · 19/06/2024 16:51

Of course it is a big deal. They will all lower their IQs permanently taking that stuff at that age, they are putting themselves (and your children at risk of a police record, which could totally stuff up their careers and future travel plans) they are throwing money at organised crime, and supporting human trafficking and child slavery

JurassicClark · 19/06/2024 16:48

It's not a big deal to many people. It is a big deal to your children.

Your children spoke to their father because thy didn't feel you were resolving their problem. Good for them, quite frankly, for not accepting a situation that made them uncomfortable and for not being lead by peer pressure.

I agree they shouldn't have to come to France on holiday to spend time with someone they aren't comfortable spending time around.

Your partner is entitled to be OK with his DD and niece's weed use. That's an issue for him and them. You are entitled to protect your children - even when they are technically adults - from situations they aren't feeling safe with.

Gogogo12345 · 19/06/2024 16:48

I'm surprised that your kids haven't come across it before TBH. Doesn't sound like they were pressed into smoking it themselves so not really a big deal.

Original poster
RunNo · 19/06/2024 16:43

jeaux90 · 19/06/2024 16:40

I think his DD sounds like an irresponsible arsehole and your partner is minimising it.

No none of this is ok in front of adolescents.

Interesting maybe I’m playing it down then. How would you handle it if he refuses to talk to his daughter and just doesn’t think weed is a big deal at all?

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 19/06/2024 16:40

I think his DD sounds like an irresponsible arsehole and your partner is minimising it.

No none of this is ok in front of adolescents.

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