Young Adults using weed - big deal or no?

The kids? they are 18 & 20 and are adults.
You've done a poor job if they can't get themselves home and running to daddy to manipulate you, they sound quite nasty and selfish tbf.
I thought they were going to be 13/14.
The hysterics in this thread over weed is mad.

I think it’s really sad that your kids are unhappy and your first response seems to be to defend the drug user, not your kids.

Regardless of what people think on here about drugs, not standing by your kids and minimising their upset (particularly when you admit they’re young for their age) is pretty grim and IMO poor parenting.

TBH they probably don’t want to talk to her because, as this thread demonstrates, drug users and drug-user sympathisers are a pretty nasty bunch. They’re probably worried she’ll turn on them. Be a parent to them.

I dont know if i voted right but to me it is a big deal , my ds was smoking weed as a teen no matter what we did to try and stop him , neither his dad or i even smoke but nothing worked to stop him and now in his 20s has serious mental health issues and sufferes from paranoia, weed is not a harmless drug , especially in people whos brain is still developing

Apologies if anyone else has said this, but the drugs aren't the real issue here. Your DC playing their parents off against eachother is the issue.

That’s a tad dramatic 😂

What about those of us that smoked it throughout uni and our 20s?

Our circle of friends includes former potheads (that are still partial in their 50s) who are now consultant surgeons and a couple of lawyers.

Don’t think it sapped their ambition

Alla this

I think you should respect your children's decision about the drugs... and they should be praised!

However, they are adults and should start dealing with situations like this when they are uncomfortable.

1. They should have spoken to your partners daughter at the time and expressed the discomfort of drugs being smoked.

2. They should have make alternative arrangements to get back home

3. In the future they should take care who's house the go to especially if they if uncomfortable again.

4. If they feel strongly about not going to France ... I think it's better they speak to the daughter

Your kids use the threat of their dad because there is a history of it working 🤷‍♀️ You know their dad better but is it possible that they will go then change their mind again? My kids tried that threat when they were much younger but thought about it and withdrew the threat quickly.

It sounds like you have an opinion on drugs and your sd drug use so why did you post ? If your kids can’t persuade you otherwise then nobody here will be able to do it.

I think that your children being scared to take the train is a bigger issue and perhaps they should have been encouraged to go out of their comfort zone more considering your relaxed attitude. Being anti-drugs isn’t a problem but most people will have had an experience of excusing themselves from uncomfortable situations which your kids should have the confidence to try.

It's concerning that some overly dramatic people, spewing hyperbole may be in a position one day when their child needs a sensible conversation about drugs.

I suspect they'd turn anywhere else to have that conversation rather than at home, and that's really not good.

Oh look an open gate... I am now compelled to hurtle through it without a single thought to the consequences and with zero control over my own actions or decisions...

Said no one. Ever.

There are multiple factors involved in drug abuse (as opposed to 'use') and addiction, of which use of 'softer' drugs is just one. There are other far more major factors.

But lets ignore those, because castigating occasional cannabis users as the root of all evil and labelling them junkies and druggies (what is this, a soap opera in the 90's?) is FAR more fun!

The weed is a complete red herring though. The real issue is your two adult children issuing demands and threatening to remove their affection if you don't follow through. Where does that stop? This incident is the perfect time to have a chat about coercive control.

They're adults, if your DC are uncomfortable they really need to encouraged to speak for themselves at that age. How would they manage if it was someone unknown to you making them uncomfortable. They need the skills to advocate for themselves or they are open to being taken advantage of. This is regardless of any views around weed.
In terms of the drugs, they are used by people from a variety of backgrounds, I'd be very surprised if your DC haven't come across it before so I find the reaction odd, is there something else they don't like about the people who were using drugs or maybe your partner and they want to stir up trouble?
It's great if they don't want to use drugs. It's also no one else's business if another adult uses drugs (unless they are doing it infront of actual children). I think it's unreasonable to expect your partner to challenge this.

‘Why is everyone acting like partners daughter is doing this every other day. It’s occasionally, a few times a year in a social setting in her own home.’

because no one knows whether it’s a few times a year….or every weekend, or every day. We only have the OPs word for the frequency, and she only knows what she is being told - by the drug user ( not always the most reliable witness) or the drug user’s father ( even less likely to be critical in both senses of the word.)

Perhaps the OP’s children have enlisted their father’s support because they know that the OP wants to please her new partner and not offend his sophisticated and wealthy daughter by objecting to their drug usage. Don’t let’s rock the new relationship boat, kids.

Ahahaha oh the hysteria..

You’ve said she uses illegal drugs. Therefore she is a druggie...

Absolutely. Of course.

In exactly the same way that someone who has the occasional glass of wine is clearly a raving alcoholic...

Get a grip people. If it is possible for some people to use one potentially addictive, potentially harmful drug and yet not be harmed or addicted, then it is possible for some people to use another in exactly the same way.

But what would I know, as someone who uses opiates every single day, and is therefore clearly a druggie.

It opens the gate to other drugs

I’ve spoke to my kids and they have said they just want someone to tell his daughter they were uncomfortable.

@RunNo I would be very concerned if my adult (albeit young adult) offspring couldn't handle a situation like this themselves. This is an extremely immature reaction. They want a grown woman to be given a telling off and want you to administer it. Can't you see that that is ott?

I don't think that young people should be smoking weed. Heavy usage can cause very serious mental illness. However, I think two grown ups should be able to navigate this themselves. I would explain to my "children" that I was proud of them for not bowing to peer pressure and smoking the weed when offered but both them and partners daughter are adults and they should be able to handle situations like this themselves. If they feel uncomfortable in social situations in the future it's up to them to speak up, leave etc.

As for not going on holiday, again this is a really juvenile reaction. But you can't force them. So I'd say "ok, of course I would absolutely love you both to come but you're adults and the choice is yours".

But of course, as others have said, they are over 18 so not much you can do other than dissuade them.

So can alcohol yet there's not such an outcry about that

In my experience of weed smokers, it tends not to be a good thing. It can cause mental health problems, paranoia and seems to sap people's ambitions in life.

I know this forum is anonymous but still, how are you not embarrassed?

Totally agree. Of course it was just OP's two not smoking. And of course they had to tell mum about how they were good and didn't try any.

Come on, you're 18 and 20. Don't smoke if you don't want to.

Weed is common. Not to be encouraged but seriously, mum doesn't need to be informed.

Not a big deal

Weed isnt anything to overly worry about about. Its better than drinking. It isn't illegal in the country i live in

I would be a bit eye rolly if someone judged my adult children for smoking weed while not judging drinking etc

Your children feel uncomfortable thats fine. However it could just be that they are so much younger than the others and not in the same vibe. They are perfectly entitled to not want to spend time with them. They are all adults and can make adult decisions

Meh. They’re all adults. Doesn’t sound like your children were put under any pressure. They must come across people smoking weed at parties etc?

I would not be remotely bothered about a bit of recreational weed use. Lord knows I did a fair bit back in the day. I have however warned my sons about skunk and the impact on a young brain, no idea if they have heeded my warning.

Sounds like your kids have the courage of their own convictions (possibly a tad ott, but there we are). This is not your issue.

I was going to write the same. Your kids need to understand that you can't police the world for them.
They really should have the skills to manage uncomfortable situations.