Am I overreacting? Or do I have to accept that most people I get close to will walk out on me

You sound deranged.

I recognise your name from other recent posts.

You come across in all of them as being very, very emotionally intense. Your friendships seem to be all about huge feelings and emotional connections and high drama and sharing your deepest thoughts about everything all the time.

You have invested way too much in your ‘friend’ who lives in other country and you talk about needing a ‘twin spirit’ in your life and feeling ‘empty’ because you can’t see her, even though you have a husband.

You basically talk about friendships with other women in the way that other people would talk about a passionate romance.

You talk about needing a ‘twin spirit’ in your life to stop you from feeling empty and lost. Where’s your husband in all this? You barely mention him in your posts. Why isn’t he your ‘twin spirit’? Why are you in such desperate need of finding a ‘twin spirit’ friend to fulfil all your emotional needs? In one of your other posts you even talked about trying to find a ‘friend’ on Tinder. Again, that’s the thought process of someone who has been dumped and is looking for a rebound relationship, not someone whose friend has fallen out with them or isn’t available as much.

I think perhaps you might be gay and in huge denial, and that what you actually want is not a ‘friendship’ alongside your marriage but actually a wife with whom you would you would have the romantic connection that you don’t seem to have with your husband.

Even if that isn’t the case… I’ll be brutally honest. I would not want a friendship with someone who was so intensely invested in me and who relied on me so strongly for their own happiness and fulfilment. I think most people would find that a bit unhealthy and suffocating, and it would scare the shit out of them.

The OP posted she'd "recently had a baby" at the end of May, when she was worrying about wanting to lose a stone.

@Acrazybimbo or @NewbieToThis, go talk to your health visitor or GP. This is just not healthy or rational.

OP, where did you meet this woman? It does not sound like a regular or healthy relationship and also sounds very one sided.

It sounds like you need some therapy, in all honesty.

Yep. And then had another post fantasising about moving to that friend's country.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5098382-why-do-i-feel-so-empty?reply=136075338

Are you the poster who was upset that your online friend might not be able to visit you for your birthday?

If that's true re recently having given birth, I hope there's some counselling in place as this isn't right. And maybe social service input.

Ahhhhhhh. Of course, it all drops into place.

OP, you're being an emotional vampire, to fill an empty hole within yourself by draining the attention and focus from others. It's not healthy and it's not sustainable.

You constructed an elaborate fantasy around your online friend - her flying over for your birthday, dancing together while getting ready to a very specific song your cousins dance to, the birthday being a waste if this friend - who had never even hinted she was coming to your country - didn't join you. That you were twin souls and each other's true halves and so on.

None of this is real.

Your IRL friend's sister isn't a fat selfish bitch because she's seeing your friend when you wanted to. She's just a person.

You really need to pull back from these hyper-intense reactions of soulmates and villains. You also need to stop filling gaps in your own emotional life with overinvestment in others.

You haven't long given birth. Maybe a chat to your health visitor about your emotional turbulence might be a good idea. Your partner and your babies should be more important to you than some online lass commenting on your Instagram.

You are coming across as very intense and very demanding of people's time.

Also, are you the poster who was upset because your online friend, who you have never met in real life and who lives on the other side of the world, isn't coming over here for your birthday? I think your expectations are WAY too high and it's entirely possible that this woman, on the other side of the world, is taking a step back.

To be completely honest you sound a bit difficult and slightly overbearing if you are calling her sister names, and getting upset because she messaged you on a different social media platform and only liked a reel.

firstly you won’t get anywhere with friendships if you get upset that family members come first sometimes. It’s a normal occurrence regardless of if she rants to you about her family. She doesn’t owe you anything. Things might crop up that means she can’t proceed with plans. Friends should be understanding of that. It’s fine to be disappointed but ultimately family relationships can be complex and it’s not really on for you to pass judgment. Sometimes the beauty of friendship is just having someone you can trust to talk about these things even if you still end up giving your sister a lift! I think you’re putting too much pressure and expectations on this friendship. It shouldn’t be a case of her needing to choose you over her family.

secondly I think you need to read the room a bit. Your friend seems to be distancing herself from you. That’s a cue for you to rethink how you communicate with her. Maybe she finds the frequency or depth of contact overwhelming. It’s not nice to feel upset, but if she’s going through her own issues, she may not have had the mental capacity to also take on your issues too. She seems to be happy to engage with light touch things. That’s okay.

These were my thoughts too.

I think very highly of them then they start pulling away (either real or imagined)

I'm not sure what you mean by this OP? can you explain?- if you are imagining them pulling away then surely its a self fulfilling prophecy and you are ruminating about it to the point of it harming yourself.

You are coming across here as very very intense and honestly?- thats quite intimidating for people. I love my friends but if I felt like they NEEDED a reply immediately or that they only had me to lean on it would feel like a huge amount of pressure and thats not a nice feeling in a friendship because it then starts to feel like an obligation rather than something enjoyable.

I suspect you are pushing people away with this need to be so intense with them.

Yes she’s an online friend but she’s the type that if we lived close by we’d be inseparable.

I don’t think that is possible to say-you can’t know what an online friend would be like in person. Inseparable sounds so intense-I have wonderful close friends but am not ‘inseparable’ with any of them-that sounds claustrophobic.

I think maybe your expectations are intense and if the same pattern is being repeated, you are driving people away.

but her fat lazy ass sister demanded she help her with shopping

I'm starting to see why people back off, I knew there had to be something. Try and be a bit kinder, not so judgemental, and probably stop falling in love with friends who are likely not gay and you might get somewhere.

You are also trying to make her do things to satisfy your needs rather than hers, so you are the same as them. What's the difference?

Yes I had overbearing parents and I grew up with people devaluing me and not accepting me so it made me have bad low self worth.

I think that is going to be at the core of your issue. Low worth = rejection sensitivity for a lot of people.

I needed that chat and vape so yes her sister is a fat lazy selfish bitch and she’s only got herself to blame with her health being bad

Just as your friend’s sister’s needs are her own to meet your needs need to be met by you yourself too. You are projecting here. You are judging your friend’s sister for the very same emotional issues you have yourself.

She could always say no to her sister. That's on her not the sister. Maybe she preferred it to vaping (so good for your health) with you, but didn't feel brave enough to tell you knowing how you'd react.

Saying horrible things about your best friend's sister doesn't paint you in a good light.

And you are coming over as a bit intense re friendships. Particularly online ones.

Yes I will admit. I have unmet needs and a void that needs filled and only certain people can fill it. I feel I need that like minded close friend.

Honestly this will be it for you so. No judgement from me, I reckon the reason I attracted people like that in the past was because I was in a similar situation. I did a lot of work on myself and now I’m no longer in that position. Did you have quite an overpowering parent by any chance? Childhood relationships can really affect your sense of self.