To think men don’t do house chores ‘well’ because

Weaponised incompetence. It's a thing and a lot of men are very good at it.

Tbf a lot of women are the same in tasks that historically men used to do. Change a tire (fill the buggers up with air) DIY etc. still doesn't really balance as it's usually the daily grind lot of blokes like to swerve rather than the occasional tasks

No, it;s bullshit. Of course men are fully capable, they're just not FORCED to Adult because they often have a partner who just does everything for them. They're not stupid, fgs. When you enable someone's laziness/weopnized incompetence, they remain lazy/"incompetent".

When i lived alone i'd do quick tidies up when someone was coming over (rare) but the flat never got that unclean even if i only cleaned it occasionally. maybe i just ignore dust better than some.

Now i live with a partner, we have a cleaner and do the minimum to function - so clothes washed (all on 40), beds changed on a set schedule/dishwasher on when full.

So not sure its an inbuilt "women like cleaning" - i just didn't particularly care enough to keep something clean all the time (and it doesn't get that unclean if no pets, no kids and you don't cook that much)

I'm a woman who doesn't do house chores 'very well'. Not because they're too difficult for me to fathom, but because as you say, they are boring, often not particularly pleasant, and I'd rather do other things. I think unfortunately because women get lumbered with them, instead of pushing back, there's been a drive to elevate them into something requiring special skills or aptitude. This obviously works well for women who want their domestic contribution to be seen as on a par with their partners Big Job, for example. But its also a bit of an own goal, because it enables men to pretend they don't know how to do these chores, because they lack the special skill set.

People always say it's some sort of deliberate incompetence so they don't get asked to do it again. I actually disagree. This may be true in some cases but not always. I think generally men just care less about certain domestic chores. If I died for example our beautiful garden would become a jungle just because DH isn't interested. The laundry would be done in a much more haphazard way - not because DH isn't capable. He's just not bothered.
DH is actually better at many chores than me and does them in a much more thorough way. We have a fairly large house and I can hoover it in one hour. DH will spend three hours on it. He's a complete perfectionist and when he does domestic chores he does them to a very high standard. I'm more like "This is good enough, not perfect but it'll do".

I think its tremendously patronising to assume that a man isn't capable of doing a perfectly decent job of household tasks. I would have a problem with it if someone assumed I couldn't do something just because I'm a woman.

DH is a competent adult and a lazy arse in the same way I am so has to get on with it.

Weaponised incompetence. It suits the men like this very well to leave all the drudgery and mental load to women.

I couldn't disagree more, I think part is of your not brought up to dive in with jobs you never learn and the other some men can't be bothered.luckily I was brought up in a big family where all including our dad did jobs in or around the house and guess what it made for a very happy upbringing it not all just being expected of our mum. Now our teen helps with anything from washing,hoovering,cutting grass etc and believe it or not our 3 toddlers can make there own bed,put there plates and cups in dishwasher, empty bins etc..everyone knows once the house jobs are done the quicker we get out to doing something fun and actually because we've made jobs fun they love joining in. My hubby works then dives in with whatever when he gets in. Love it and makes for good bonding time doing all this together

Women get consequences for not doing this stuff. When houses look messy people blame the woman either for not doing it or not managing the man to do it. By 30 a woman has already had decades of subtle messages saying it's their fault if things are messy, unwashed etc.

I think a lot of men just don't care. They can't be bothered to learn and can't be bothered to do it. Also a lot of men like to believe women are silly, and that a lot of the tasks they do are unecessary.

There's nothing technically difficult about most household chores. It's not hard to learn how to mop, or dust or do the washing. It's just laziness

That said I do think a lot of that generation have really bought into the belief that men have different brains. My MIL refused to believe me when I pointed out that there was no scientific evidence to back up the idea that mens brains are wired differently so they can't cope with housework or life admin but somehow can cope with work.

My DH does tons more than me while I'm more of the can't be bothered/too boring stance, so it's not about m/f necessarily. My parents were the same so some of it is what you're used to/raised with and I guess most guys will have seen mums doing more than dads around the house.

Me and my DH are equally bad at housework. It's one way of getting some equality at least.

I think that men who were raised in homes with firm adherence to gender roles weren't told that they had to learn how to mop/do laundry/hoover "because you'll have to do it when you marry and have kids".

And when they saw their mum fly around the house in a panic because guests were due "and what will they think", while their dad put his feet up and told her to calm down, well, thet identified with their dad, didn't they?

So they "don't care" because they didn't have it modelled that when guests come around, they will make a judgement about them if the house is a mess.

Of course, they should care, because it's bad enough when your mum gets unexpectedly admitted to hospital without also having to turn your knickers inside out because your dad "didn't care" to learn how the fucking washing machine worked!🙃

Please can I ask, why do you not care about being accurate with pick up times?

And this has just dawned on you? Welcome to the patriarchy!

IMO it's because they either feel entitled- it's not their job, or they're just fucking feckless. And both types know full well some other muggins will still do it when they don't.

Go on strike.

I'd say we spilt everything roughly 50/50 but we both have jobs we prefer to do, but we make sure the kids see both of us doing different types of jobs (clears vs cooking vs home improvements etc).

We parent equally and have reduced work hours so we both have childcare days. On my working days he is fully in charge of the children.

He is just as capable as me. Some men just don't care and don't respect their parent enough to share the load equally. I'm glad we are modelling a good homelife for our kids.

I'm a single father. My home is reasonably clean and tidy but it's not show-home perfect. I don't care - it's clean and tidy enough. I don't feel like my life would be measurably improved if I plumped the pillows on the sofa twice a day so I don't.

I do sometimes wonder about the implicit assumption that in a couple the person who is more obsessed with things being clean/tidy is the "right" one and any deviation from that is therefore automatically "wrong". I also sometimes get the feeling that the need that some people have for show-home perfection is less to do with what they want for themselves and more a fear of being judged by others. Fuck 'em.

Ask them to explain how us gay men have clean, tidy homes, laundered clothes, packed up for our children etc.

My husband does 90% of the cleaning here and does it very well . I do laundry ( ironing goes to the ironing service) and cooking everything else is him .

I find that kind of thing very irritating. DH does all the food shopping and cooking and most of the laundry here. Our cleaner cleans. We both parent.

My DH have an even split although he does more food shopping and cooking and I do more laundry but he definitely pulls his weight.