To want to break up with him even if he wasn't lying

Oh, come on, he's even lying about why he lies to make you not dump him.

He lies because he gets what he wants that way. Whether what he wants is a girlfriend who might not have dated him if she knew he was on NMW and could well just be after a second (better) salary, home, cleaner and shag or he wants the feeling of power over you knowing that he's lying to you and confusing you, it doesn't matter.

Without trust there is no real relationship

My DD lies she has an eating disorder and lies about what she has eaten, when she ate, how much she ate, she lies about where she has been, whether she has revised for her alevels- the list goes on. I know its a different scenario but after 4 years of this I am struggling to take it anymore- I don’t believe a word she says to me!! Ingrained lying due to psychological issues is exhausting (for those who care), it masks risks and concerns but overall it ruins Trust.

If this was my OH I would leave, I can’t because it’s my DD - but unless he is willing to work this through with a professional now he is not prioritising you or your relationship.

Yes, a dishonest partner will drive you mad, and cn even make you physically ill when it gets bad enough. I've experienced it twice now and had to finish with them. It's awful because if you love them, you want to believe them but you know you can't and as a previous poster said, love is not enough! You have to have trust, reliability and respect as well. Ultimately, if you stay with a lair long enough, the erosion of trust doesn't just drain you and destroy your trust, it destroys your respect for them as well and any love you have for them dies shortly after that!
Don't wait until you're more enmeshed with a liar, with marriage, mortgage and/or children. Get out now whilst you still have your health, sanity and the only thing that will change in your life is he will no longer be a part of it. My life's been seriously impacted by those liars and both times, I've had to repair the damage they have do with little support! Don't be me!

Never knowing what’s true or not is terrible for your mental health.

The signs are in big bold flashing neon lights! Dump his lying arse!

Yeah, you've found out some little things he has lied about. There might be a whole load of other things that are more serious that he is either already lying about or will lie about in the future.

He is no good. You need to split up with him.

Yeah that's a lot to take on when in reality your "support" is likely to cost you a lot more than it benefits him. He is the main factor in whether he gets this sorted. Your support or otherwise should not really be relevant to his success but you obviously aren't happy, and almost certainly won't enjoy his "journey" either. It isn't your problem to take on.

I wasted years of my life on a man like this. I wish I’d dumped him the first time I caught him out. In the end I couldn’t trust a single word that came out of his mouth. That’s obviously no basis for a relationship.

My advice is to get out now. It won’t get better. You can wish him well and encourage him to get therapy, but don’t make it your problem anymore. You owe him nothing.

This particular incident doesn't really matter in isolation - but I don't see how you'd ever feel happy in a relationship with someone who is a compulsive liar. You can't believe a word he says about anything, even non-consequential stuff.

The fact that he feels the root of his lying is his abusive childhood does not mean that you have to put up with it. I would end the relationship now.

Depends if you are willing to invest time and emotion in supporting him to overcome his automatic response that was a result of an abusive childhood. Has he lied about anything that has had a significant or negative impact on you or is it everyday things like wfh/office? He is a year and a half in the relationship as well, it might be that he has already made improvements on his compulsive lying. Would you consider going with him to someone who specialises in treating compulsive lying?

Honestly just no!

he is crazy and a fantasist

dump

Trust is fundamental to a good relationship, so I think you are right to consider breaking up with him. You're obviously concerned enough by your gut instinct to post here.

I'm not sure how a long term relationship could work if you can't have an honest conversation about anything or trust him. I'd be concerned that these little lies become big lies that have far more impact on you further down the road...

Why couldn't he have been on an app if he was in the office? And why are you checking what apps he's on??

It sounds like you are not compatible, he is a liar and known for it, and you seem to be questioning him whether he's lying or not. It's not healthy either way.

This is no way to live and will only become worse the more the relationship progresses.

Fuck. That.

Call time on this one before you get your life messed up. Liars will drive you crazy.

I would break up as you can't trust him and are questioning whether he is telling the truth about something relatively inconsequential like being at home or the office. It kind of becomes more about working out if they're lying than what the actual lie might be about and is a total headfuck. My ex lied about his job role to make himself seem more advanced and a few other seemingly minor things at the start of the relationship, he ended up cheating on me and lying about that too. I could never trust him because I'd seen how easily he could lie about something to meet his own needs, whilst disrespecting mine. He also lied about stuff like whether he had been vaping indoors and would react aggressively and gaslight me into believing he wasn't doing it even when it was blatantly obvious. It was totally impossible to tell what was truth and what was not and I ended up feeling constantly anxious about being lied to.

Well you could either break up with him for lying (that you don't know for sure he has done) or could break up with him because you don't trust him (which you know for sure you don't)

I don't think I could live a life with someone always wondering if they're telling the truth it would be exhausting!

You can’t spend your life with someone you can’t trust. Is this really the man you would choose as the father of your children? Time to move on - and I can assure you, it will be much less painful after 18 months than after marriage and kids.

In my experience of people who lie compulsively, it’s not been their only issue! It’s seemed to me to be a manifestation of a deeper sense of anxiety over whether other people find them acceptable… maybe shame?

So yeah, I would follow my instincts if I were you! And don’t get bogged down in debates about him promising he will never lie again or that you can check his phone or bank account or whatever

You’re spot on. You can’t change anyone let alone a 35 year old.
When there is no trust there is no relationship imo. You’d be doing right to let this one go.
Take care and hoping you find a partner who is trustworthy.

You don't need us to make your mind up - you've decided. Break up.