Looking for some outside opinions here, particularly those that counter my own to try to help me to be less annoyed at the situation.
DH and I normally both work full time - I do my hours over 4 days with 1 full day off, he does his over 4.5 days with one afternoon off. Neither of us work weekends.
We have 2 DS (7 and 2). DS1 goes to school and then attends afterschool 4 days a week and is picked up by DH on his afternoon off. DS2 goes to nursery 3.5 days a week and on my day off we go on day trips etc, and on DH afternoon off is picked up from nursery at lunchtime.
It’s rapidly approaching the summer holidays, and while DS1s afterschool care is a regular provision, the holiday care has to be booked on a day by day basis. We can book for the whole summer just now, it’s just that we have to specify each individual date, and are only charged for the dates he goes (unlike the term time provision where it’s the days of the week that are booked, and if we chose not to send him any of his normal days we still get charged). Afterschool have already advised that they don’t have the numbers to run on the day that’s usually DHs half day, so he will have to have DS1 for the full day those days. We also won’t send him on my days off, he’ll be with me. DS2s nursery is year round so not really relevant to the conversation other than to provide the full context.
DH is a contractor and has recently found out that his contract is not being extended. He had previously been told that it would so had turned down a previous job offer and now doesn’t have anything else lined up. He’s been applying for jobs since he found out, but nothing has come of it so far.
Here’s where the difference of opinion lies. I asked DH what we were going to do about holiday club given he won’t be working. He did not respond well. He was angry at me “suddenly filling his diary” and that he would have “things to do” although didn’t specify what. Obviously he will be looking for a new job, but I’m struggling to see how that can be equivalent to a full time job.
As mentioned, DH will have to look after DS1 on the day that afterschool /holiday club isn’t running, and I will have him on my day off and DH intends to join us on these days for some family time, but other than that he thinks that we should put him into afterschool.
For the sake of full disclosure, DS1 did continue to go to nursery and subsequently afterschool while I was on mat leave, and goes to aferschool on my days off because I want to give DS2 the opportunities and experiences that his brother had when he was younger. Taking him out of nursery when DS2 was born would have meant that I couldn’t have taken DS2 to all the baby classes, and having to be back home for school pickup time would severely limit the daytrips I could take him on. I don’t think the same argument of fairness applies here.
DH thinks I’m being unreasonable expecting him to look after DS1 more than the 2 days that he wouldn’t have been going to afterschool anyway and thinks I’m being unsupportive in even suggesting it. I think he’s being unreasonable to expect that him not working would have no impact on the childcare arrangements.
Keen to hear all views on it. Realistically if he refuses then I’ve got no choice but to put him into holiday club, so it would be nice to have some alternative viewpoints that support that approach to help me not feel so annoyed about it.