Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clare’s law application - did I make a mistake?

162 replies

Northerngirl345 · 18/06/2024 23:15

I have a friend, let’s call her Susan.

Susan met Brian on a dating app last spring, they were engaged and living together within 8 weeks. There were A LOT of red flags but I tried to ignore these as Susan seemed really happy and was very “swept up” in it all.

As time has gone on, Brian’s behaviour has become more erratic and controlling. His past seems a bit shady…he has a poor relationship with his ex-wife and grown-up daughter.

With this in mind, and with the wedding approaching next month, I made a Clare’s Law application today. My thought was that if I really did have something to worry about, they would tell me and then I’d know whether I should speak to her. They contacted me straight away asking for her mobile number so that they could speak to her.

Now I’m panicking. I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid and I’m worried that Susan will find out it was me and think I’m trying to ruin her happiness.

I don’t know what I thought would happen. She has a little boy and I had to include his details. What if they call the school? What if they tell her it was me? Have I been really daft?

Does anyone have any experience of using the Clare’s Law service? If they call her, what will they say?

OP posts:
Demelzatheredhaired · 19/06/2024 06:17

But surely if there’s nothing to disclose then they won’t even contact her? So if they do contact her then you’ve clearly done the right thing.

Turniptracker · 19/06/2024 06:17

You've been a very good friend and if she is upset hopefully with time she will see you had her best interests at heart. You might have done her a huge favour

Guavafish1 · 19/06/2024 06:16

you did the right thing

greenmario · 19/06/2024 06:12

F

BoobyDazzler · 19/06/2024 06:11

I think you’ve done the right thing too and you should be honest.

AstonMartha · 19/06/2024 06:09

What if they call the school? What if they tell her it was me? Have I been really daft?

What if this saves her life?
You’ve done the right thing. It might not feel like it at the moment but you have. More women need friends like you.

Ohiwish12 · 19/06/2024 06:08

Honestly it's more important that she knows and whilst it is hard to hear that she may dislike you for it. You know deep down you trusted your gut and done the right thing and hopefully she will see that even in time. I think you need to put aside your feelings about being the one to have done it and see that there must be something the police need to tell her and that you've protected her and her child.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 19/06/2024 05:55

I think I’d be honest with her.

Tell her you love her and that you’re prepared to be the villain of the piece if it means that she’s safe. And if she can’t forgive you, then you understand, but you’ll be there for her when she’s ready to escape.

GoneFishingToday · 18/06/2024 23:58

I think I would tell her what you've done OP. Tell her that the relationship has all happened so quickly, and there were a few things that were worrying you, so you wanted to try and check it out before she was committed by marriage. Explain tha you didn't want to worry her if there was no reason, but unfortunately it's backfired, and now the police want to talk to her. Hopefully if there is some concern then she'll realise that you've done her a massive favour, and if not, hopefully she will realise that you were only trying to protect her out of a place of love and friendship. She may well be snippy about it initially, but if your friendship is a strong one, hopefully she'll see that you intended no harm. I must admit I almost hope that there is something and that this will vindicate you, but if not, at least it should reassure her.

spicysamosahotcupoftea · 18/06/2024 23:44

Probably, yes. But it sounds like you may have done her a favour

Original poster
Northerngirl345 · 18/06/2024 23:37

Oh crap. So if I mention things that I know she’s only told me, she’ll be able to put two and two together?

OP posts:
MaryPoppins87 · 18/06/2024 23:26

The Police will only make a disclosure to the person at risk. They won’t inform you of his history. All of this information is provided when you complete the Claire’s law application and explains how the process works.
If there is anything of concern they will go out in person to speak to her and disclose historic offences and any risks to her. If he poses a risk to her child this will be passed to social services who may also speak with her.
However, if in your application you have disclosed any new offences involving her they will speak to her about this, for example, if you have mentioned any assaults, controlling behaviour etc.