Clare’s law application - did I make a mistake?

I think you should relax: they will not be responding to the things you’ve stated as grounds for your concern - this is what justifies your application but won;t be disclosed to your friend.

They will be responding to the fact that he already has a criminal record that indicates he is a risk - and the fact that they’ve responded quickly is concerning. They will simply reach out to say that they have been made aware that she is in a relationship with Person X and, given she also has a child, it was deemed urgent and essential that they make contact and apprise her of his past.

Take a deep breath and reassure yourself that you have clearly done the right thing but trusting your instincts and taking a brave action to protect your friend and her child.

You did the right thing @Northerngirl345 can't add anything that's not already been said but I hope she one day realises you've been amazing to her, not trying to spoil her fun.

Sorry you're in this situation x

👏👏👏👏

Don't tell her! She might suspect but she won't know who did it.

OP you 100% did the right thing for her little boy.

I wouldn't admit to her that I did the request and if she came to me about it I would say that someone is obviously very concerned for her and her child and ask is there anything to be worried about and how I could provide support to her to leave and be safe.

If you tell her what you did, you make yourself the "enemy" of this relationship and take the focus off what this guy has done, be an ally not an enemy.

You’ve done the right thing Op . It’s normal to feel worried about potential confrontation and your relationship with your friend . Keep quiet unless she raises it for support and let it play out .

@Northerngirl345 i would immediately be worried if they had phoned me immediately to get her contact number!! you did the correct thing. it doesnt matter that it may or may not be the end of the friendship but it is better that nother befalls her at the hands of her partner!

Exactly what @GoneFishingToday said.

it seems like your worrying a lot about 'being found out' and not very much about what he may have done.

I Hope that's not the reality & just how it's coming across.

You could have saved her life, and either way you will be putting the seed into her head (if they contact her with worries) and she will be more on the look out. That child needs protecting and I would gladly ruin any of my friendships to try protect a friend

www.safeguardingpartnership.org.uk/learn/7mbs/

Don't tell her, take that secret to your grave!

I was in a similar quandary a few years ago when I made the application about my sister in law's new boyfriend. They assured me that, if there were anything to disclose, they would only tell her of any relevant details on his criminal record. There would be no way to trace it back to me. Also, they wouldn't tell me if they made contact with her.

They did contact her - all it did was prompt an angry Facebook post from her - saying she wished people would mind their own business. She stayed with him, despite the risk to her children. Social services were involved from there on.

She never knew it was me, although I was clearly one of a few 'suspects'. She never tried to find out who it was though, I think deep down she knew it was done with her best interests in mind, but she couldn't openly admit that. If she had known for sure that it was me, she would probably never have spoken to me again, as she would have to be seen to be "standing by her man".

They split up eventually, after he was convicted of another offence.

I would do it again in a heartbeat. You've definitely done the right thing. If there is something of concern on record then, even if she stays with him, at least she'll have her eyes open and have the information she needs to protect her child.

Hopefully this is clearer.

Don’t feel guilty, OP - your friend may not realise it at first, but you have done the bravest, kindest thing possible.

I’ve been in an abusive relationship and now that I’m out the other side of it, I only wish someone had taken steps like this to help me see sooner that the situation wasn’t normal.

I think you are going to have to fess up. There is obviously a problem with this guy if they have rang you asking fr her details

https://criminalinjurieshelpline.co.uk/legal-advice/clares-law/#:~:text=Anyone%20such%20as%2C%20a%20parent,as%20this%20is%20more%20appropriate.

https://www.kingston.gov.uk/downloads/file/552/clare-s-law-7mb

My initial reaction would be 'don't ask, don't tell'. I wouldn't tell her unless she asked directly.

Why? Because if you say anything she may well channel her dismay in your direction: 'You were always jealous of how much he loves me', 'You couldn't bear to see how happy he made me' and that will take the focus off him and provide an excuse for her to ignore whatever it is the police want to warn her about. Things will become all about you and allow him to slide out of the spotlight.

Secondly, when it all goes wrong she'll need a good friend like you to turn to.

Obviously if she asked me outright if it was me I'd say yes.

How will you cope if she decides to keep this information a secret and goes ahead with the wedding, with you expected to pretend all is well? Could you do that or do you need to provoke a bust-up in order to get out of the wedding? I couldn't have smiled sweetly while watching a friend marrying someone that gave me the creeps. Difficult one, OP. You did the right thing, by the way — perhaps a little late in the day, but better late than never.

@Northerngirl345
in a previous role I was the person who would call and give over the info for Claire’s law.
They will tell her his previous history they have on record relating to violence or DA, and offer support. I don’t think I ever gave over info on hearsay only convictions and what was registered on the system etc.
TBH don’t feel too guilty about this, if they have enough info to contact her then they might have eventually contacted her under their own steam anyway once they have intel that a DA perp is with someone new under the right to know.
So I wouldn’t feel pressured to tell her it’s you that made the call.

You did the right thing and you're a good friend

The police wouldn't want to call her if there wasn't a concern

You've possibly saved her life

You did the right thing. Imagine how you'd feel if you didn't act on your instincts and something horrendous happened to your friend.

That looks really useful, but is too blurred to read..Are you able to link to the original?

You have done the right thing. Friend may be upset initially but in the long run she will appreciate it.

Even if it causes problems between you I would rather that than do nothing and then she gets married without all of the information and something bad happens.

You need to look at it this way OP. If, God forbid - something horrendous did happen to her or her child because of this man, you would live with it the rest of your life knowing that you were concerned but did nothing. If she hates you and cuts you off, she will have to explain to people why. Yes, it runs the risk of her isolating herself further, but abuse thrives in secrecy.

All of this. Well done. You've done the best you could do in a very difficult situation.

that is totally unreadable, can you summarise please?