Clare’s law application - did I make a mistake?

Please just give her number it doesn’t matter if she never talks to you again. If you have an opportunity to save her life take it. I only found out my partner was a lunatic and would harm me through an ‘innocent’ conversation I wish I had done Claire law earlier

She may be glad of an intervention - I was - I couldn't get out of my predicament but was glad I had 2 people literally save me.

@Northerngirl345 there are so many instances where people don't do anything about a concern because they assume someone else will. And noone does anything.... and then it's too late.
You have done something

yes they may disclose what has been told . Did you mention to them that you did not want them knowing it was you ? They may be able to just say they have had an application made with concerns . They won’t disclose to you , only to the partner.

I know this is very uncomfortable for you but the fact they called you back so quick may mean there is things that she needs to know. In this case you being the villain and maybe having your friendship end could actually protect her and her child in the long run

My thought was that if I really did have something to worry about, they would tell me and then I’d know whether I should speak to her.

No offence to you OP - but this is exactly why the police contact the affected person directly and not the person who reports.

Someone else doesn’t get to be the arbitrator of what gets told, or what’s “serious enough” to disclose - or withhold.

id Not tell your friend it was you. She’s weeks away from the wedding - that I would say will 95% will still go ahead. You want to be around to pick up the pieces when it’s needed later on.

You are a good friend
You have 100% done the right thing.

You done the right thing for your friend,she may fall out with you but your looking out for your friend and one day she will realise that.

An excellent post.

I'd think if the police were contacting her there must be a reason, unless anything you've told them about him and her is potentially criminal or suggests risk and they are now wanting to speak to her about that? Anyway you must have had good reason to feel this way and have bravely acted on your instincts

Absolutely do not tell her it was you.
Of course you did the right thing, well done

This will be one of those stories where she falls out with you big time, cuts you off completely, then years later when she’s broken free from the relationship she will come to you, hopefully with an apology. You did the right thing, she’ll see that for herself eventually

Please don’t say anything ! You’ve done the right thing but this man may come after you if not now at some point in the future.

The trouble is that everything for everybody around someone like this becomes hard choices and difficulties.

I agree with the poster who said the above - everyone is affected by friends like this . Personally I had to let go of a friend for this reason as I felt at risk from her most recent dangerous choices such as remaining with a sex offender even after she found out. I helped alert her to the fact he was cheating on her too and she still stayed. He eventually broke up with her after violence occurred (i asked him to leave after he punched her and he did eventually) but I decided not to stick around in the friendship for future drama since this seemed to be every other guy she dated and I’d had to involve myself far too much over a period of ten years. And the fact that it was him who left her, and not the other way around, showed me she hadn’t really grown or learnt her lesson..again. She would have clung on to this violent sex offender forever if he’d let her. Next guy she was with I heard was a drug dealer.

I hope she’s doing well now but I was done with it all, and had to do what was right for me. If you are able to stay quiet I suggest that’s what you do 🤫

It could have come from anyone. I wouldn't confess to being the one who made the application.

At the end of the day, if it safeguards her child, it's a good thing.

I was in abusive relationship and I would not have appreciated this op.

Not saying what you've done isn't the right thing.

Say nothing.

I agree. Shows you care. Remember how many women died last year from domestic violence.

YOu've done the right thing.

She should have done it herself with a young child in the picture.

Your intention was well meant, and, if there is found to be no problem, then no harm has been done. On the other hand, you may have saved your friend a lot of stress and misery in the future. You may have to accept that there might be a bit of "shoot the messenger", but you did the right thing.

You’ve potentially saved her life, and her/her son from many years of abuse. If she finds out and is mad at you well that’s worth losing a friend over. Be proud of following your instincts and making that call.

Your intention was good. That’s all that matters. You’ve been brave.

Firstly, you have not been really daft. You've been a very good friend! He's likely been love bombing her and she's totally oblivious to the red flags he's giving out.

It's better to be sad that you might upset her and damage your friendship, than discover only too late that he's an abuser when he's harmed her or her child.

It could be that their first call to her will be just to ask for more information from her, or it could be that they believe she's in pressing danger by being with him.

They shouldn't give out the details of who's made the application and (being a chicken!) I wouldn't necessarily offer the information up. If she asked me if it was me I'd admit it though.

Ultimately you've done the right thing for the right reasons, so please don't think otherwise.

Of course you did the right thing. Better this than risking her and her child being in danger

I agree, done absolutely the right thing. Pass her number onto the police and then I’ll talk to her after they’ve spoken to her

Just listening to this, by coincidence.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001y10v

Trigger warming - domestic abuse/homicide.