To have given her extra food?

My Crystal ball tells me that poor girl will have an eating disorder further down the line. Poor kid. No, you didn’t do anything wrong - had it been explained beforehand that she wasn’t allows anything else then it would be tricky but no, the other mum is clearly a control freak. She can definitely arrange alternative care in the future.

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that free-childcare givers shower kids in calorific treats. And it’s fine because the child won’t be expecting two cakes after school daily. You have to l learn to chill about it.

She was very rude and addressed you like a paid childminder - actually even if you were she could have put it more diplomatically

Sounds like she wants her daughter eating healthy food. A Costco cake might be "yum" but it's definitely full of crap.
She should have been clearer with you though before she dropped her off

Too light. Kids need energy.

Doubt two slices of cake will do much damage. Doubt they were adult-size portions, either.

HNRTFT but I think the mother is bloody rude and the food she did provide is not enough for a 7 year old.No carbs,fat . The kind of meal an adult would eat if trying to loose weight! The Mother clearly has a problem!

What mum provided sounds less than my 15 month old eats. No wonder she’s a petite girl. Sounds like her mum might be strict with what she eats. She should have said please only give her the packed lunch in the first place if she’s that bothered about her having extra. I’d rather someone feed my daughter extra than her be left hungry.

I don’t think allergies are the issue here, but if it were, surely the onus is on the mother to advise this to anyone looking after their child.

Also, if she was so precious about whether the child ONLY ate her provided lunch, then she should have made this clear at drop off.

she is the AH

My response would be it eont be an issue in future as I won't be babysitting for you again as you don't seem appreciative

The use of the word "gorged" suggests the mother has control issues around eating/dieting and is projecting those onto her kid. Sounds like the kid doesn't have any treats at home so is grabbing the opportunity for something new

IMO this is a control issue. The mother controls the child's food intake (for whatever reason) and you took that control away from her, which in people with control issues can trigger big emotions like rage/meltdown.
You've also shown the child what a less rigid and controlling household looks like, again undermining the strict set up the mother has in place.
For this, I expect she will continue to resent you.

The kid was probably happy to have some yummy less healthy food as a treat, probably gets celery sticks as a snack at home.

It's understandable to feel confused. You were hospitable and accommodating. Perhaps clarify with the mom for future visits.

I would draw up a text in my notes and keep going back to it to amend it and when you're happy press send.

This is very good advice OP, I do it all the time.

Whether you wish to start with "I'm very sorry" or not is up to you, but make sure it includes "your daughter was clearly still hungry, and I would never deny food to a hungry child, unless you had specifically told me not to, which you hadn't."

Maybe also: "in future, if you have specific instructions about your child, perhaps consider actually telling them to me, and don't tell me off if I am unable to read your mind."

Wow I wouldn’t be looking after her again. She’s not going to have many friends with that kind of attitude. If there was an allergy or something then I could understand the packed lunch but her mum should have told you that anyway.

you’ve been kind, definitely not you at fault here

Chicken breast. Some cut up grapes. A few cubes of cheese and a soreen bar

That's what my tiny 3 year old would eat... it clearly wasn't enough otherwise she wouldn't have asked for more. Denying a child food when you've got some available (barring eating disorders and obesity) is cruel in my book, so giving her some of your lunch and a slice of cake was fine.

Personally I would not have given a child that age two slices of cake, it's a lot for someone so small. HOWEVER!!! given that it was a one-off, you were doing her a favour, and you don't have children that age yourself so can't be expected to know anything unless specifically told, I would never have even mentioned the cake if I was the mother, even if I was a bit 🙄about it, let alone told you off for it!

If she really had to bring it up, she should have done so in a friendly "oh, just so you know for next time" manner. The way she did it was extremely rude and ungrateful.

Even if she felt you had fed her child a totally inappropriate amount of food, there’s still a way to raise it.

The only time I left DD then not yet 2 with paternal GPs for the day, I only said not to give her chocolate or sweets. They fed her McDonald’s and gave her a whole bottle of orange juice (she had never had anything but milk or water). I wasn’t over the moon, but hadn’t told them they couldn’t so just let it be. If they were to have her regularly I would have said, so sorry I didn’t specify but we don’t let her have xyz as otherwise she won’t eat dinner/gets hyper/constipated etc. what the issue would be.

My DM over offers food to the kids, gives them lots of ice cream and second breakfasts, but tells me they have too much sugar and they never ask for snacks when they are with her. I just smile and say ‘well there you go’ because she loves and cares for them and they have a lovely time and aren’t there every day!

To all those who seemingly can’t get their head around saying no to a child asking for a second slice of cake…just say no, we need to leave some for tomorrow or whatever. Surely most people do that with kids? No one has an endless amount of money to just keep buying cos your kids want to eat more rather than saving and making it last

Maybe it was the carb / sugar aspects of the food you gave her that is the issue. The lunch she packed for her daughter was very light on both of these.

I don't think I would be giving a child cake and my own food if I didn't know about allergies. And yes a child of seven can tell you but I wouldn't be taking any chances. Before I gave extra food to a child I would have to contact (text) their mother first, I think.

Also, the child asked if she could taste your food and you gave her a plate and two pieces of cake - on top of her packed lunch. Does the child have a food problem? Seems like a strange question, but food issues can start quite early. Mine did.

Chicken breast. Some cut up grapes. A few cubes of cheese and a soreen bar

I'd assume that's around 100g chicken, same of grapes, 30g cheese. I think if the chicken had been in a wrap or pitta that would have made it plenty for a 7 year old. Trouble is we don't know the portion sizes, the same as we don't know for the cake. It could have been a whole chicken breast, pan fried in butter.

I didn't save a link. But read it under AITA or BORU (if you use reddit) Tabloids picked it up a week ago, then i saw it copy and pasted here. Pretty sure the lady was in the USA. I wouldn't imagine this is a genuine OP. Sorry MN! More like a lazy journo.

Yep. Word for Word.

I don’t think the lunch she provided was sufficient for the child. Needed some bread or carb of some sort. The child sounds underfed. If treats are withheld then kids gorge when they get access to them. I’ve seen it so many times with my kids friends.

Do you have a link? I can’t find it.