Page 5 | To have given her extra food?

jerkorperk · 2024-06-18T18:52:51+00:00

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't. I offered. No problem there She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine' Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide' AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about [blush] The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

Runnerinthenight · 24/06/2024 19:27

Katbum · 24/06/2024 19:24

I’d have to reply ‘honestly I have no response to this rude text. I looked after your daughter if you have specific dietary needs you need to express them and she’s probably better on paid childcare.’ Then I’d leave it.

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I think I'd just message back, "no" and leave it at that!

Katbum · 24/06/2024 19:24

jerkorperk · 22/06/2024 20:03

I thought you'd be interested to know that she obviously hasn't seen this thread

She followed up her last message to me with 'No response to this?'

I have now left it quite late to reply anything at all!

Anyway, hopefully she realises her mistake but I don't think she ever will - it is clear I am the one in the wrong, in her eyes

I’d have to reply ‘honestly I have no response to this rude text. I looked after your daughter if you have specific dietary needs you need to express them and she’s probably better on paid childcare.’ Then I’d leave it.

Ottervision · 24/06/2024 19:15

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 19:05

Tbh I cannot single handedly erase abnormally bad food habits UK got.
Please do continue to feed your children and yourself absolute crap
Imo it sad none of you thinks about impact it wil have on children.

Good, nobody's asking you to. I'd consider what impact your bad attitude might have on your children before you start judging anyone else.

Calliopespa · 24/06/2024 19:14

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 19:05

Tbh I cannot single handedly erase abnormally bad food habits UK got.
Please do continue to feed your children and yourself absolute crap
Imo it sad none of you thinks about impact it wil have on children.

Are you from abroad?

Calliopespa · 24/06/2024 19:12

thegrumpusch · 24/06/2024 19:09

Why do you equate healthy eating with snobbery?

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I think it was Costco

Calliopespa · 24/06/2024 19:12

Runnerinthenight · 24/06/2024 19:01

FFS it was two pieces of cake on ONE day? "Unlimited daily access" - what a bloody exaggeration!!

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And “ imposing” it on an “innocent” child stood out as 🤪

thegrumpusch · 24/06/2024 19:09

Ihavenoclu · 24/06/2024 14:01

There is no harm, for any child, to eat cost co cake as a one off when you are a guest in someone's home. What a ridiculously snobby attitude. With an attitude like that I think it is best one looks after their own children at all times and do not accept the kind help from friends.

Bonkers

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Why do you equate healthy eating with snobbery?

Runnerinthenight · 24/06/2024 19:08

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 19:05

Tbh I cannot single handedly erase abnormally bad food habits UK got.
Please do continue to feed your children and yourself absolute crap
Imo it sad none of you thinks about impact it wil have on children.

What's sad is your pontificating from that high horse - you don't know whether posters here are a normal weight, overweight or obese, but whatever, nobody likes being preached at in a snarky way!

Runnerinthenight · 24/06/2024 19:06

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 16:34

Not eating cake on a random afternoon is not "strictly restricting food" lol!

Strickt diet would be eliminatimg all sugar and sweets from your childs diet -even on special occasions.
Teaching children that cakes, ice creams, chocolate etc. are for special occassions or treats is healthy.

With attitude of so many MN members, no wonder adults and children are getting more obese year on year!

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Isn't that great, because it allows you to judge and criticise and feel all superior!!!

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 19:05

Tbh I cannot single handedly erase abnormally bad food habits UK got.
Please do continue to feed your children and yourself absolute crap
Imo it sad none of you thinks about impact it wil have on children.

Ottervision · 24/06/2024 19:02

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 18:55

You cannot find single peer reviewed medical paper advocating for primary school children having unlimited daily access to sweets.

We are wired to eat as much fat and sweet food as possible as it is high in calories and scarce for masses for almost all of the human history.
You need to teach children that it is not really healthy to eat it as much as they can daily.

But I can already see so many of you will die on the hill trying to advocate for your obsession with unhealthy food.
We all have bad habits but at least be rational and don't impose it on innocent child.

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I don't need to. It's what works for my family so it's what I'll continue to do. If you want to promote "treats" you do that.

We may be wired to do that but many of us manage to live a healthy life. So whilst we are all doing that, I'll carry on as we are, thanks.

I'm definitely not "obsessed" with unhealthy food. I enjoy it, but I also enjoy healthy food.

I think you want there to be a problem but, sorry to disappoint you, there's just not.

Runnerinthenight · 24/06/2024 19:01

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 18:55

You cannot find single peer reviewed medical paper advocating for primary school children having unlimited daily access to sweets.

We are wired to eat as much fat and sweet food as possible as it is high in calories and scarce for masses for almost all of the human history.
You need to teach children that it is not really healthy to eat it as much as they can daily.

But I can already see so many of you will die on the hill trying to advocate for your obsession with unhealthy food.
We all have bad habits but at least be rational and don't impose it on innocent child.

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FFS it was two pieces of cake on ONE day? "Unlimited daily access" - what a bloody exaggeration!!

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 18:55

Ottervision · 24/06/2024 16:46

See I don't think it is. I think if it's freely available it's not very exciting. We always snacks in the house and none of us eat them to excess. They're nothing special because they're always there alongside the healthy stuff. If it was just for "special occasions " I can imagine kids stuffing as much of it in as possible because they knew they woulsnt see it again for 6 months.

None of us are overweight let alone obese!

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You cannot find single peer reviewed medical paper advocating for primary school children having unlimited daily access to sweets.

We are wired to eat as much fat and sweet food as possible as it is high in calories and scarce for masses for almost all of the human history.
You need to teach children that it is not really healthy to eat it as much as they can daily.

But I can already see so many of you will die on the hill trying to advocate for your obsession with unhealthy food.
We all have bad habits but at least be rational and don't impose it on innocent child.

Ottervision · 24/06/2024 18:47

LazyGewl · 24/06/2024 18:42

So, if someone looks after your child it is such a big favour that they are allowed to feed them loads of sugar (granted, I don’t know what size the cake was but neither do you) and if they bring up the subject that they would prefer you not to do that you withdraw future help? I don’t get it. Op is friends with this woman; surely she can talk to her and find out why it is so important to her that her child only eats what is packed for her.

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It's how she said it.

chloe1656 · 24/06/2024 18:47

Rude!!!! Id be telling her don’t worry there won’t be a next time! Find someone else to help out!!

LazyGewl · 24/06/2024 18:42

ABirdsEyeView · 24/06/2024 17:11

You absolutely should reply to her - it's not too late at all!

I would tell her that I don't appreciate being spoken to like paid staff - that you aren't her nanny and when a person does them a favour, the correct response is 'thank you', whether they entirely approve of the methods or not!

Please don't allow someone to treat you like the shit on their shoe.

So, if someone looks after your child it is such a big favour that they are allowed to feed them loads of sugar (granted, I don’t know what size the cake was but neither do you) and if they bring up the subject that they would prefer you not to do that you withdraw future help? I don’t get it. Op is friends with this woman; surely she can talk to her and find out why it is so important to her that her child only eats what is packed for her.

GrumbleBum00 · 24/06/2024 18:32

crockofshite · 18/06/2024 20:00

If she's eating her own lunch then hoovering up loads more food she might have some sort of eating disorder where she can't stop eating and doesn't realise when she's full. I do know someone who does this.

If so the mother should have said something to you when dropping off.

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Bit of a stretch. Poor kid was probably just hungry.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/06/2024 18:31

jerkorperk · 22/06/2024 20:03

I thought you'd be interested to know that she obviously hasn't seen this thread

She followed up her last message to me with 'No response to this?'

I have now left it quite late to reply anything at all!

Anyway, hopefully she realises her mistake but I don't think she ever will - it is clear I am the one in the wrong, in her eyes

I'd go for 'next time?', myself. To be followed up with something along the lines of 'Whatever gave you the impression that I would ever do a favour again for somebody who speaks to me like I'm the Help?' if she's so lacking in awareness that she responds again.

Josienpaul · 24/06/2024 18:18

That’s pretty sh**ty of her.
I mean it’s a lot of food but I’d be just grateful you helped out.

my dad has my kids after school for me and feeds them so much junk food I’ve had to tell him several times to stop. But I’m talking a cake on return from school, chocolate bar, crisps, freezer junk for tea (fine) More chocolates, sometimes cake for pudding and an ice cream, then he will give them a ‘lucky dip’ which started off as a way of getting rid of surplus Xmas chocolate a few years ago to a thing he does - he tops it up with proper chocolate bars. They sometimes had 2 dips!

Also he cares for his Step GS who is diabetic!! He gets the same!
I’ve really moaned and he’s cut out the chocolates and the ‘dip’ now is for the next day. But it’s still too much sugar and fat etc for a little one in a few hours.

this is a weekly thing and it took me a while to pluck up the courage to put a stop to it.

I would reply ‘I’m stunned into silence hence no reply. Next time, I think it would be better for you to find another person to mind your DC’

Grammarnut · 24/06/2024 17:27

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 16:03

Cake is hardly a healthy food choice.
Probably childs mum does not want her DD to eat cake on random afternoons but on special occasions reinforcing good eating habits?

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'And shall there be no more cakes and ale?' Seems a bit of a desert life-style. Only on special occasions; so birthdays, Easter and Christmas. Three slices of cake a year. Dear me! Why is everyone so antsy about food these days? Cake is a delight. It brightens the day. It achieves what my DD resolutely follows my late DH in calling 'dolphins'. Varied diets include everything, which means cake, quite often, and joy and treats.

ABirdsEyeView · 24/06/2024 17:11

You absolutely should reply to her - it's not too late at all!

I would tell her that I don't appreciate being spoken to like paid staff - that you aren't her nanny and when a person does them a favour, the correct response is 'thank you', whether they entirely approve of the methods or not!

Please don't allow someone to treat you like the shit on their shoe.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 24/06/2024 16:57

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 24/06/2024 16:53

Bringing kids up to be anxious and guilty around food? What could possibly go wrong?

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This!

Food should be food and good habits modelled. That's it. No shame. You ate two pieces of cake? Were they good?

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 24/06/2024 16:53

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 16:34

Not eating cake on a random afternoon is not "strictly restricting food" lol!

Strickt diet would be eliminatimg all sugar and sweets from your childs diet -even on special occasions.
Teaching children that cakes, ice creams, chocolate etc. are for special occassions or treats is healthy.

With attitude of so many MN members, no wonder adults and children are getting more obese year on year!

Show quote history

Bringing kids up to be anxious and guilty around food? What could possibly go wrong?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 24/06/2024 16:48

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 16:34

Not eating cake on a random afternoon is not "strictly restricting food" lol!

Strickt diet would be eliminatimg all sugar and sweets from your childs diet -even on special occasions.
Teaching children that cakes, ice creams, chocolate etc. are for special occassions or treats is healthy.

With attitude of so many MN members, no wonder adults and children are getting more obese year on year!

Show quote history

The thing is, "treat" food is also damaging. Because then you start using it to "treat" yourself when you need it. Which then leads to emotional eating.

Which is one reason why we have such a growing problem. Because people eat emotionally. Bad day? Cake. H is awful? Chocolate. Work stress? Wine.

It would be much better if people just ate intuitively and cooked properly. I cook from scratch for most meals (human, and we work, so not all of them). We bake regularly. DD has basically unlimited access to the fruit bowl (other than right before meals and bed). If there's cake she can have it as pudding. If not she has yogurts or fruit.

As a result, she asks for fruit more often than cake. Because cake is not some magical treat only food.

Ottervision · 24/06/2024 16:46

LondonFox · 24/06/2024 16:34

Not eating cake on a random afternoon is not "strictly restricting food" lol!

Strickt diet would be eliminatimg all sugar and sweets from your childs diet -even on special occasions.
Teaching children that cakes, ice creams, chocolate etc. are for special occassions or treats is healthy.

With attitude of so many MN members, no wonder adults and children are getting more obese year on year!

Show quote history

See I don't think it is. I think if it's freely available it's not very exciting. We always snacks in the house and none of us eat them to excess. They're nothing special because they're always there alongside the healthy stuff. If it was just for "special occasions " I can imagine kids stuffing as much of it in as possible because they knew they woulsnt see it again for 6 months.

None of us are overweight let alone obese!