To not want to live in deceased MIL's house?

It sounds as if he would benefit from some counselling. It's hard enough to have a dysfunctional parent and hard enough to lose a parent; the two things in combination must be incredibly difficult. And you said you have a 3yo and a newborn, so you must both be very busy and tired, I'm sure it adds to the emotions.

Could you try to encourage him to wait a few months before considering it? For the next few months he needs to focus on getting through the funeral and dealing with the will/probate etc, not to mention grieving. If and when the time comes to discuss it properly you can point out that the two of you have to consider the needs of the whole family and not just him and his emotions.

It's good of you to clean it btw... I'd be less inclined to do that if he continued to insist on moving in!

I would encourage him to let the house out to tenants or just leave it vacant, until his emotions have settled.

OP, with all due respect, but it looks like you are making a rod for your own back. You husband is hosting his family in that house. He ought to be the one to clean and to look after them.

My own mother was a lot like you. She never felt she deserved rest and even later in life, when she could barely walk, she would push herself till she nearly fainted with pain, because things "just had to be done" or "I might as well do it". Because actually sitting down and enjoying herself for once was somehow not allowed to her.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

"Pig-headed and stubborn" is usually code for someone used to getting their own way by wearing people down by refusing to negotiate. It's a form of bullying.

If he's often like this over things he wants then be aware of it and if something is important to you don't give in just for an easy life.

I wouldn't move there. Quite frankly if he insisted on it, then that would be the end of us or he can live there on his own and come to visit.

You're entitled to a home that you both decided to buy.

You need to be very clear, that you living there would be triggering and traumatising for you.

If he loves and cares for you, those words will suffice.

Just as well because honestly trying to do any work to your mils house would be a nightmare with your dh, I suspect he’d struggle with every change. Just stick to your guns on ‘I won’t live there’. I too wondered why you were cleaning it, I couldn’t even clean our own house with a newborn and 3yo! Send him around/ tell him you’ll need to hire a cleaner.

YOU'RE?! maintaining both homes? Good god, why? Surely, this is your husband's job. You already have a house to care for and a new born. Or is he not pulling his weight there too?

Furthermore, you don't have to be landlords. You can use an agency to maintain the place hassle free. Either way, I would leave this all to your husband, just be adamant you won't mover there.

Agree

I am very sentimental about homes and I get where your dh is coming from. He's grieving and nostalgic. That said, you are now in a very fortunate position thanks to his mother. You gain nothing from moving into her house, but by selling it, you get to pick your children's family home together. How lovely is that. Can you present it to him as looking into the future and moving forward, thanks to the support and memories of what came before, rather than taking a step back? Let him keep the furniture if he wants, cuttings from the garden could be nice too.

This. For no other reason, and even if your MIL was an angel, I'd refuse to move. YANBU.

They've already got a house with a driveway without having to go to all the expense and hassle of adding one and upgrading a house OP doesn't want to live in.

It's not going to be a whole new house unless they tear it down and build another house.

If you sell both houses you could probably afford a house that was an upgrade on either and have something of a cash cushion left over. Maybe start quietly looking to see what you could get in an area you'd like to live in, and tempt him with that?

Is there a way a driveway could be added, or you could have an extension to it? If so you could have the place gutted and upgraded then move in.

A compromise solution so he gets to live in it but it’s basically a whole new house just in the same place.

If that’s not possible then selling both houses and buying something else is definitely the best option.

His mother died. Have a little compassion at least. As other posters have said, he is likely making a decision based on emotions and memories rather than practicalities. I'd be inclined to just park it for a while and come back to it when it's less raw, when he can be more logical about it.

I think renting it out for the time being is the best option. This will help you save money towards your own forever home and help him say goodbye to the family home.

Only on the difference in value between that when you inherited it and the price you received for it (less costs of sale)

If you keep it for more than a year, whether you rent it out or not, you will be liable for capital gains tax on the sale price of whichever one you decide to sell.

You married a man who lived at home till he was 25 (at a time when that WAS unusual) and even when he did he bought a house 500m away from his ‘mummy’.

Didn't you see the writing on the wall there?

he may not be swayed but you don’t need to be either.

as someone else said remove the emotion and focus on the practicalities.

My DH and I nearly bought my grandparents' house. But then decided against it.
BEST DECISION EVER!
It would never have just been our home it would have been MY family history and DH would have been disadvantaged because of it.
We are so happy in the house we chose with no ties.
So I advise for you to definitely not move in there. Tell your DH his sentimentality is misplaced and he is putting nostalgia before your real feelings.

I would be asking why exactly and at the same time seeing a solicitor privately before you commit to anything if there is any doubt at all that there is a problem in your marriage. You haven't said how old you both are which could be a factor in his thinking nor have you said the ages of your children. It could be his judgement is being clouded by thinking you both will be mortgage free - could that be it?

Great opportunity to take some of her stuff to the tip, or symbolically set fire to it in the back garden.......