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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dad play date friend

39 replies

Muffincupcakeheeler · 18/06/2024 16:42

I'll try keep this short, I suffer with really bad anxiety and social situations I'm under a mental health team so I was made up when I met a new friend who lives down the road I'm a stay at home mum and he's a stay at home day we both have 6month old boys so it seemed perfect, we've been for a couple of walks and out for a coffee but he comes across quite flirty, he's married and I'm very happily married but recently he's been sending me texts suggesting that he would want to do more with me that doesn't involve the babies which has made me feel quite uncomfortable it wasn't to bad when I thought he was just joking but I've got a feeling he's not, my partner doesn't seem bothered about the things he's saying and says I've got 2 choices to talk to him about it being inappropriate or to just block him but I was made up to finally have a friend and even more so that my baby has a little friend but I've got a feeling that if I carry on the play dates he's going to make a move or it's going to cause trouble which I don't want.

Aibu to just block him and hope I don't bump into him as I struggle with confrontation and don't know how to approach him regarding his behaviour

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 19/06/2024 10:53

A bit flirty you said in your OP, he's a fucking pig and I can't believe your partner is OK with this. You need to tell him to stop and threaten him with the police if it carries on or block him, and under no circumstances meet up with him again

Shiningout · 19/06/2024 10:52

Erm Just read your update... I am absolutely baffled that your partner seems fine with these messages. He is talking about looking at your arse and wanting to play with you and putting devil faces?? What the fuck have I just read 😭😭 of course you block the creep and stop seeing him.

FlaubertSyndrome · 19/06/2024 10:49

He sounds like a pig. Just tell him to fuck off.

Oriunda · 19/06/2024 10:48

Muffincupcakeheeler · 19/06/2024 10:43

The other day when I went out with him he stopped behind me whilst we were walking and said sorry I just had to look at that arse.

He says things like he finds it hard to be good around me, that his wife wouldn't mind watching the babies whilst he shows me a good time, everytime I turn the conversation back to the kids but even then he turns things I say dirty.

My partner got a bit concerned when the dad friend was abroad on a family holiday and all he spent most of his time doing was messaging me/ sending photos of himself next to the pool and saying he can't wait to see me again which I said the will enjoy seeing each other on the next play date his reply was why is it just the babies that get to play 😈😈

I have just felt so alone these past few months but I think I'd rather have no friends and be lonely then have someone giving me the creeps

This is next level inappropriate. Block him and find new friends. At that age, your baby is too young to have made friends. Join a different playgroup or nursery. By the time your child is old enough for preschool, they will have proper friends and so will you.

Original poster
Muffincupcakeheeler · 19/06/2024 10:43

The other day when I went out with him he stopped behind me whilst we were walking and said sorry I just had to look at that arse.

He says things like he finds it hard to be good around me, that his wife wouldn't mind watching the babies whilst he shows me a good time, everytime I turn the conversation back to the kids but even then he turns things I say dirty.

My partner got a bit concerned when the dad friend was abroad on a family holiday and all he spent most of his time doing was messaging me/ sending photos of himself next to the pool and saying he can't wait to see me again which I said the will enjoy seeing each other on the next play date his reply was why is it just the babies that get to play 😈😈

I have just felt so alone these past few months but I think I'd rather have no friends and be lonely then have someone giving me the creeps

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2024 21:21

Its possible you are misinterpreting his messages or he could indeed be trying it on so you could try the non confrontational way.

Tell him that you are MORTIFIED because a married ex colleague has been sending flirty messages and you dont know how to tell him that you are not interested without pissing him off as you may need him for a reference (or some such bollocks). "I mean, he knows I am happily married, so what the hell is he doing?! Apart from anything else, I could tell his wife couldnt I? He is taking a real risk!"

Hopefully he will realise what you are telling him and it allows faces to be saved all round.

MarshmallowsOnToast · 18/06/2024 18:09

Idontjetwashthefucker · 18/06/2024 17:33

I'm surprised your partner isn't bothered too. Can you give an example of what the messages say?

Yes, it's hard to tell without knowing the jist of messages.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 18/06/2024 17:33

I'm surprised your partner isn't bothered too. Can you give an example of what the messages say?

FOJN · 18/06/2024 17:27

Rather than overthink it can't you just send him a message that assumes he's joking but makes it clear that your contact will always involve your children. Maybe you could say if you had spare time for social outings you'd spend it with your husband.

GerbilsForever24 · 18/06/2024 16:53

One thing I'd also add is I'm a bit surprised your partner isn't bothered. Which suggests that you might be over reacting. I think, as a rule, partners (male or female) are more likely to find messages inappropriate.

HowDidJudithSurvive · 18/06/2024 16:49

I agree with the PP, your anxiety will kick off if you try to ignore the situation.

Just send back something direct and move the subject on - come on mate, we're both married. Less of that. Are you coming to tumble tots on Thursday?

GalileoHumpkins · 18/06/2024 16:49

I would tell him very clearly that his messages are inappropriate and are making you uncomfortable. You've done nothing to suggest that you want to be more than friends and tell him to stop, don't say please or apologise for what you say.
If he persists block him and move on.

Blueeyedmale · 18/06/2024 16:48

I would absolutely block him he sounds a right creep using his children to get access to women. Your partner should be more supportive 100 per cent block for me he's an absolute creep

GerbilsForever24 · 18/06/2024 16:44

I understand you struggle with confrontation, but believe me, blocking this man or ghosting him is NOT going to be good for your anxiety.

If he's sending flirty inappropriate messages, just reply back with something like, "I'm really not comfortable with messages like this, please don't send them." If it was me, I'd probably be more direct and say something like, "argh, inappropriate. Come on Dave. Let's keep it normal here please" but that might be too much for you.

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