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Original poster

Will ASD child always be this full on?

39 replies

Shrimpshapednuggets · 17/06/2024 19:50

Those with autistic children - how likely is it that my 4 year old will always be this full on? He needs constant supervision (no danger awareness) can be absolutely lovely but has such a temper when things don’t go as he expects them or wants them to, I struggle with how he will sing or shout phrases at the top of his voice and people stare at us, not because I care what their opinion is but because it kills me to see the way they look at him and it sends me into this rabbit hole of if people can be that judgemental of a 4 year old how will they treat him as he gets older?
He sometimes likes other kids, sometimes likes being alone doing his own thing. I worry about him making friends, as in will he actually have any? He has never been invited to a birthday party and I worry that if he ever is, he won’t have a clue what to do and it will be a disaster and he won’t get invited to another one.
I cry at least twice a day, with worry and sadness.
does it get easier? Thanks if you read this x

OP posts:
Original poster
Shrimpshapednuggets · 17/06/2024 20:35

@Sue152 thanks for your message. I’m hopeful that the reduced timetable will be a brief intervention just to settle him in gently rather than throw him in full time straight away, I definitely don’t want him to miss any school but I think it’s probably best for him to start off gently, I guess we will see 😬
He doesn’t start primary school until September, it’s his nursery that have kept sending him home recently xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Shrimpshapednuggets · 17/06/2024 20:33

@Pantaloons99 yep he has a diagnosis.
he can be like two different people, sometimes he is so jolly and will greet other children, will want to join in. Other times he goes mad over the slightest thing. There’s literally one little girl that actually comes over to say hello to him and he often blanks her (when I’m standing there willing him to speak to her and make a friend 😂🫣)

I don’t know whether to say anything to the parents of the kids in his class when he starts school or not. On one hand I don’t have a clue what these people are like so don’t want him to be potentially labelled/defined by his diagnosis but on the other hand would it be helpful if they knew so if he’s acting a bit unusually they know why rather than assuming he is naughty etc?

OP posts:
Sue152 · 17/06/2024 20:32

Don't allow school to keep him part time for too long - he's entitled to a full time education and if they can't meet his needs then he needs to be somewhere that can. Don't let school phone you and ask you to pick him up without formally excluding him. This is convenient for them but is illegal, exclusions need to be properly documented.

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/pages/category/exclusion-from-school

Exclusion from school

Children with special educational needs (SEN) and/or disabilities are much more likely to be excluded from school than their classmates. Only the head teacher of a school (or the teacher in charge of a pupil referral unit or the principal of an academy...

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/pages/category/exclusion-from-school

pandarific · 17/06/2024 20:28

@Shrimpshapednuggets absolutely check out the Nemechek protocol, it’s been very beneficial for my little boy - I thought the meltdowns would never end at 4, at 5 it’s soooo much better. That and a very inclusive school and quite collaborative parenting rather than authoritarian has helped a lot.

Pantaloons99 · 17/06/2024 20:26

@Shrimpshapednuggets my son has lots of friends now. It has taken time because new people often think what the heck is going on here 😆 He's really funny and witty as so many ND kids are!

Also, I feel that this social side of things often upsets parents way more than the kids! My son had issues here but I was the one struggling and suffering. He wasn't that bothered and now finds his way on his own. Every time I tried too hard to get involved I made things worse! Kids are really forgiving and alot more tolerant than the parents, especially now with so much awareness. I can spot lots of ' different ' kids now and often they get drawn to each other and make connections.

This is a difficult age. It will get better and he will find his people. This is just a tougher journey than the rest.

I can't recall if you said he's diagnosed. That helped alot. School weren't great here so I couldn't get enough people to support an assessment on NHS. Had to pay sadly.

Original poster
Shrimpshapednuggets · 17/06/2024 20:21

@Pantaloons99 This is me now! Crying all the time, stressed all the time, always had to leave the toddler classes because he would be kicking off, nursery some days are ok some days they call me to get him because he’s too much like hard work for them, as mentioned sometimes he joins in with the other kids but it sounds like most of time he’s off doing his own thing. I just hate the idea of him always being alone and nobody wanting to play with him and what that could make him feel as he gets older 😢

OP posts:
Bitsandbobs1892 · 17/06/2024 20:20

Shrimpshapednuggets · 17/06/2024 20:14

Thanks for your replies. He is starting at a mainstream primary in September, he has an EHCP recommending very high level
of supervision. I’m really worried about him making friends 😢
I’ve been taking him to visit his classroom and teacher weekly to try and get him used to the new setting. Each time he is so hyperactive and runs from corner to corner of the room. He is going to start on a reduced timetable initially.
I have this vision of him playing alone with a TA for company or trying to join in and the others all getting annoyed with him and then him having a meltdown because he’s upset.

I'm going to pm you OP

Pantaloons99 · 17/06/2024 20:16

Gets loads easier. By age 6 I'd say a different person was emerging. Now 12, absolute worlds away. Although full of energy it is filtered into football and cycling.

Early years were a blur and incredibly stressful. I cried all the time. I had to leave playgroups, I felt I had no friends, I couldn't find any new mum friends who wanted to be with us. It was just me and my son. I don't know how I survived.

Original poster
Shrimpshapednuggets · 17/06/2024 20:14

Thanks for your replies. He is starting at a mainstream primary in September, he has an EHCP recommending very high level
of supervision. I’m really worried about him making friends 😢
I’ve been taking him to visit his classroom and teacher weekly to try and get him used to the new setting. Each time he is so hyperactive and runs from corner to corner of the room. He is going to start on a reduced timetable initially.
I have this vision of him playing alone with a TA for company or trying to join in and the others all getting annoyed with him and then him having a meltdown because he’s upset.

OP posts:
EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 17/06/2024 20:09

DS is 11, atm things are better than they've been for a long time.

Key things that helped were -

More appropriate school provision which includes lots of help with wellbeing and managing his emotions

A group he attended that was also designed to help children with regulation etc.

Melatonin prescription

DS getting older

Us learning when to keep things extremely low demand and when to ask small things of him.

I don't know what the teen years will bring I'm just grateful things are calmer right now.

Xsnsnshsjs · 17/06/2024 20:01

Also try and find other SEN families in your area. They understand and then parties etc sort themselves out.

my son in special school now but at mainstream the other kids openly despised him so i know how it feels

Bitsandbobs1892 · 17/06/2024 20:01

My daughter is the same, she's 4 she's been invited to 2 birthday parties from
nursery. Took her to both, she didn't interact with any other kids and did her own thing. I don't know the answers as she's only the same age, but as he sounds much like my daughter what kind of school is going to in September?

I was worried about friends and bullying to be quite honest but she's going to a specialist unit of 6 other kids so I feel a lot more chilled about that now

Xsnsnshsjs · 17/06/2024 19:59

YANBU to be stressed and worried.

And YES it gets so so much easier. My ASD/ADHD kid was a nightmare at 4, 5, 6. Something evolved around 7 and at 8 he is now just adorable and lovely.

Do all the therapy you can get your hands on. OT, SLT, all of it. Individually you may not see a difference but collectively over a long period it all helps.

feel free to DM me x

princesspeppax · 17/06/2024 19:56

Following. As in very similar situation with DS(8) x

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