No sex for ten years.. DH not able ..AIBU ?

What's the money got to do with the price of fish?!

If it were me, and I truly loved my partner the last thing I'd want is for them to go without sex from their 40s for the rest of their lives. The next last thing I'd want is to have to imagine them with another woman, or for them to leave me (if they loved me that is) so my personal preference would be a don't ask don't tell approach where they discreetly met their needs and I was none the wiser.

For better for worse, in sickness and in health….

Its obviously not ideal to be in a sexless marriage when that’s not what you want but you have the option to leave if you can’t live with it - you can’t just pick the parts you like and go elsewhere for the bits you don’t like.

If you can’t live without the sex then you have to have an honest conversation with your husband.

…but if the situation was reversed and you were the one who was incapable of having sex?

I'd want to, but I couldn't go through with it.

She probably doesn't want to sacrifice the lifestyle they live (from his compensation).

Can you just imagine the responses if a man came on and asked if he should have sex with someone behind his wife's back because she's been left crippled and in agony, dosed up on morphine?

I'm sorry for your situation. Sad for you both. I think this is one of those situations where there isn't a good option. Do nothing and have to go without sex until death does you part? Awful for you. Take the opportunity and tell your H and cause him huge pain at the thought of you with another man, and much anxiety he will lose you? Awful for him. Leave him to pursue a sex life? Awful for you both when you love each other.
Or take the opportunity, be very discreet with strict boundaries and your H is none the wiser. Certainly seems the least worse option to me.

Hmm cheating is cheating, if you want sex leave your husband and then by all means go off and get your needs met. I'm sure you wouldn't be happy if it was the other way round. What happened to 'in sickness and in health'..!

You say it "would destroy him". Would you really take that risk?

I think I would.

2019 is 5 years, not 10. Sounds like you’re looking for permission to have an affair. Do your husband a favour and leave him if that’s all you think of him.

Who did you have sex with in 2019 if you haven’t had sex with DH for 10yrs?

The guy that will be the FWB seems like a harmer. What guy does this?

Secrets have a way of coming out.

YABVU to even be thinking about it.
It is cheating, plain and simple.

Absolutely not! Don’t do it, your DH has been through enough without his wife stabbing him in the back!

Then no. Depends on how much you wouldn't mind losing.

There are other ways to have sex. It doesn't have to be all about the penetration to be intimate.

Don’t do it in secret. That’s a disaster. You’d be an adulterer. And a shit person. I’m sorry.

You need to talk to him about the no sex and how it’s affecting you. Sex is a very important part of a healthy marriage.

So, the only options are - (if he absolutely can not have sex with you)

1. You accept that, and don’t have sex.
2. Divorce.

as long as your careful then the dice are yours to roll so to speak

I appreciate how you feel.

But, if something happened and it got found it would be pretty devastating to your dh.

Theres actually a thread from a woman in your husbands position where she has stumbled upon her husbands cheating. It’s been pretty shocking and upsetting for her.

Its awful to be in your position, I get that, but this really isn’t the way the resolve this issue. I can see why it feels like it is. But it has the potential to cause huge harm to you all.

As you in a position where it’s has happened yet, I would talk to him to your dh.

aslojg as you wouldn’t complain if he did that…

I understand the difficulty you face, OP, but no. I wouldn’t do this. If you cannot abide by the conditions of your marriage then you should leave the marriage.

My grandad is actually in a similar situation (probably quite different) he's 74 one day 5 years ago he kept falling over, he'd slipped a disk in his back, they tried to operate 4 times and ended up paralysing him.

he has a long term girlfriend 30+ years and they obviously lived together, after all of this happened he's moved into an assisted living bungalow and she still lives in her house, they live very separate lives now but she visits a few times a week and they're still together, I obviously don't know nor do I want to if they're still intimate but I do know he would be crushed if she was with someone else

I don't know, really. I would never do this to my husband, but I'm not sure how I would feel at 40 if I knew I had potentially another 40 years of no intimacy at all.