To think this is neglectful parenting?

What's weird about keeping a nappy on 12 hours though? One overnight nappy is normal at this age surely? Mine keeps hers on 7.30-7.30, longer if we have a lie in.

If a child slept 7-7 that would still be the same nappy for 12 hours to be fair. Mine didn't tend to pass a lot of urine will asleep by that age but if she's getting nappy rash then obviously that's an issue.

This would make me livid and in my view yes it is neglectful. To disregard a child's sleep and meal routine so completely is incredibly selfish and he sounds like a total prick.

If he was abusive to you before you split, is it possible he's lying, simply to try to continue upsetting you?

@Perfect28 it isn't great but I doubt she'd have a leg to stand on in a court situation. Also, it is best to try reasoning and not inflaming for the benefit of everyone. Someone has to be an adult and as crap as it is it's going to fall on OP!

I'd be worried about her getting uti's with the nappy being left on that long, that would be neglectful

Agree with other posters, not ideal but not neglect and you would be unreasonable to stop contact for this. It is a difference of parenting, some parents love routines and stick to them religiously, other parents just play by ear and respond to their child’s needs as they show them- neither is wrong, they are just different. A 2 year old can communicate when hungry etc, if they slept until 12 then their needs were met - the need for sleep. Having a lie in isn’t neglect.

What the F* you can't not feed a 2 year old breakfast and lunch and not call that at lest lazy parenting. If not neglect, why do people think that's OK. Even when I was ill and struggling with my own kids I would at lest feed them and change them. How do people think this is OK 😳.

A different sleep routine is fine, but sleeping so late they aren't fed.

Nobody's saying it's great, but they are saying it doesn't count as neglect, which is what the title and OP were suggesting.

Having lunch later than usual isn't missing lunch though - it's just not having lunch at the time you'd like her to have it.

Re. the nappy, if she slept late, I assume she went to bed late and was in the nappy overnight? I think that's fairly normal as long as there's no poo.

I know it doesn't sound like it, but I do agree with you that it's not ideal - but you can't stop her from seeing her dad just because she goes to bed late and sleeps through breakfast. The courts take a very dim view on with-holding contact so you have to be very, very careful what you do.

I'd forget all the other stuff and just focus on the sleeping. I'd try approach it really gently. Only because I don't see any other way round it!

Explain very very nicely and gently ( because we sometimes have no effing choice but to do it this way) that she's really difficult after she's been there and it's the sleeping. Is there anything she has with you she can take to help sleep. And explain that if he just reads this book or sits there for a bit whilst she falls asleep it will work.

Some blokes will just do the opposite if they're particularly immature or feel like they're being told off. I suspect he may be one of them hence gently gently approach

I can't believe the amount of people that think this is ok.

Very dramatic! She's 2, she needs a bit of flexibility, leave them to it and stop being so judgemental.

hE's fInDiNg hIs fEeT

Fucking hell

The bar for men is so low it's a tavern in hades

I think it’s just different parenting. Lots of parents don’t have a routine and having one or not having one has no bearing on neglect.

Presumably she woke up late because she went to bed late? In that case, perhaps she had her nappy put on late as well so it was on for the same amount of time as normal.

Unfortunately this is likely to be just one example of many you will have over the years where you have a totally different parenting style.

What proof do you have that her nappy wasn't changed?

And she didn't miss breakfast and lunch if she woke up at midday

It feels like a difference in either ability or desire to keep to meal and bedtime routines. I do not think it's anywhere near the threshold for neglect tbh. It's not great parenting from his side, but unless the child is coming back filthy, with nappy rash, starving, being left alone etc then I think you'll just need to discuss it amongst yourselves.

It is lazy but as you know, it's not illegal to be a lazy parent as long as you're meeting your childs' needs.

You really don't know how many nappy changes she may have had though

Meaning that by the time my child got ready for the day she had been in the same nappy since the evening before and had already missed breakfast and lunchtime

Did you say this to him? If so, what was his response?

If OP had posed the question "AIBU to think this is shit parenting and not in DD's best interests" she'd be getting different replies. Neglect is worse than a messy nap and meal schedule.

I'm longing to see the thread where a woman is excused for such poor parenting - but of course we all know it's so much harder to be responsible when you have a penis

it used to bother me when my girls went to their dads and he lacked any structure and routine.. i was so stressed, annoyed and angry but then someone said to me 'pick your battles'.

his parenting style was different to mine, it was while we together so i dont know why it surprised me when we were separated.

as long as they came back to me on time and happy, the rest was not important.

they have turned out to be perfectly normal adults, and i became less stressed.

It might be lazy parenting or it might just be different.
Mine was flexible and wasn't a pain in the evenings so he often stayed up. We enjoyed the time with him, he was good company. Got many "oh I'd hate to lose my grown up evenings" comments from friends who wanted kids packed off to bed so they could sip wine and watch netflix and thought being up at 5 was a fair trade for that. Different things work for different people.